We have an all-time salary arbitration story that involves a former Vancouver Canuck.

TSN’s James Duthie went on the Spittin Chiclets podcast on Monday and shared a hilarious story of Brendan Morrison’s arbitration with the Canucks back in 2002.

He joined Paul Bissonnette, Ryan Whitney and Keith Yandle to discuss a variety of different things, but they got on the topic of his recently published book, “Certified Beauties: More of Hockey’s Greatest Untold Stories James Duthie.”

Duthie shared stories from the book, including a story from former Canuck Kevin Bieksa. After the interview, Bieksa told Duthie to speak with Morrison regarding a story about his arbitration case in the summer of 2002 with former Canucks General Manager Brian Burke.

Coming off the best season as a Canuck, Morrison was due for a healthy raise off his $775,000 contract. He scored 23 goals and 44 assists for 67 points in 82 games. But like most arbitration cases, this one comes with a ruthless interaction, told by Duthie:

“Brendan was with the Canucks back when it was the Dave Nonis and Brian Burke regime, and he had a good year. He was playing with Naslund and Bertuzzi, so [he] had a really good year, and he’s up for arb. Maybe he wanted $2.4M, and the Canucks were offering $1.7 or something over a two-year deal.

“Burky hates arb. I think Burky says this is the only time he ever went to arb, because it’s a ‘waste of my time.’ And you know Burky, with his tie around his neck, ‘I don’t want to waste time in the summer in arbitration cases.’ So Berkey sends a text to Morrison’s agents, ‘We’re going to ARB, and if he gets one more penny than we’re offering, I’m letting him walk because I don’t want him.’

“So it’s a big game already, and there’s a lot of tension they get in this little arb room, Morrison’s talking about [how] he’s never been through it – tiny little room in Toronto with a little table. On one side is Burky, Nonis, and their lawyer, who’s this French-Canadian guy. Then on his side is Morrison, his agent, and the NHLPA lawyer.

“So they do their arguments back and forth, and then they have closing statements, just like a case. So the guy, the Canucks lawyer – I don’t want to offend anybody with a French-Canadian accent, but I kind of have to do it this way.

“So he does the wrap-up, the closing argument, like Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men. And he’s like, ‘I want to tell you a story about the elephant and the mouse,’ [Duthie says in a French accent]. And Morrison’s going like ‘What the hell? Where am I right now?’

“And he goes, ‘There’s an elephant and the mouse going through the forest together, and they come across a raging river. And the mouse is like, ‘I cannot get over the river. And the elephant says, ‘I will help you get on my back.’

“He goes on for like three minutes telling this little kid’s fable, ‘And the elephant gets across the river with the mouse.’ Morrison’s like, ‘Where is this going?’ And then the [lawyer] stands up for effect, and says, ‘IN THIS STORY, TODD BERTUZZI AND MARKUS NASLUND WERE THE ELEPHANTS, AND BRENDAN MORRISON WAS THE MOUSE.’

“As if he did nothing all year, and he was completely carried. [Morrison] walked out of the room in complete shock, and Burky tapped him on the should and said, ‘Hey, it was nothing personal, hey, buddy, that’s just business.'”

The Canucks and Morrison met in the middle on their asking prices, but Morrison was deemed to have won the case, as they agreed on a two-year contract with an average annual value of $2.3 million – closer to Morrison’s ask.

Morrison wound up having his best NHL season in the first year of that deal, setting career-highs in goals (25), assists (46) and points (71). In the two years of the contract, Morrison played in all 164 regular season games, bringing up his tallies to 47 goals and 84 assists for 131 points, while centring the top line between Naslund and Bertuzzi.

The Pitt Meadows, BC native got a raise to $3.2 million for the following three seasons before bouncing around the league for the final four years of his career. He last played for the Canucks in 2007-2008, and retired from the NHL following the 2011-2012 season.

Duthie later shared that Morrison’s agent gave him a caricature of an elephant and a mouse crossing the river, and the mouse is wearing his number on the back. That caricature is still in his home office to this day.

You can watch the full clip here: