If you’re reading this, it means you survived the season. Despite all the misery, despite all the losses, despite all the shots from the point fueled purely by thoughts and prayers, you made it to the end. After all, what’s another 4-1 loss on the season really going to do to your psyche at this point? At least a loss to Vegas is a loss to a top team?
It’s still hard to fathom how we went from last season’s playoff run to where we stand now. I think we all knew the Canucks punched above their weight last year. And while only the optimists amongst us had an extended Stanley Cup run envisioned for this year, it still felt like a season where getting back into the postseason was a given.
Well, not a given. Nothing is given when it comes to the Vancouver Canucks. They could be up 3-0 in the Finals, up 3-0 in the game in the third period, and a small portion of your brain would silently be prepping you for the historic collapse that could still be coming.
But it was reasonable to suggest that the Canucks had designs on the post-seasons, and a means to get there.
From almost beating the Edmonton Oilers in the second round, to watching JT Miller and Elias Pettersson’s simmering feud envelop the team, taking over the season, to the point that it truly feels like an era has ended. The goal song has to be changed next year, because more changes are certainly on the way as this team now embarks on the “How do we make sure Quinn Hughes never leaves us” era.
From some of the best centre depth in the league to now wondering if they have the money to re-sign Pius Suter, and wondering if Elias Pettersson will ever find his groove again. This is just one of the many questions the team will have to figure out as they head into an off-season of uncertainty, and an off-season where they no longer have “cleaning up Benning’s mistakes” as a shield from criticism.
So while we wait for the biggest off-season of Patrik Allvin and Jim Rutherford’s Canucks career to begin, all we can do is pick apart one last game, as we say goodbye to perhaps one of the dreariest Canucks seasons in many many years.
One last ride?
Let’s do this.
Best goodnight sweet Prince…?
I don’t know if this is a negotiating tactic or if it has real meaning behind it, but just when you thought Brock Boeser was gone, he pulls you back in.
I actually appreciate this level of drama and intrigue during WrestleMania week. Brock gets it.
Best legendary goodbye
I tried to find one single bad thing said about Patty O’Neill in this town. I hired Elon’s private investigators, I checked the dark web, I turned over every rock I could find, and it’s official: everyone loves Patty.
He’s just one of those generally amazing people in life that has the respect and admiration of everyone. The guy is an absolute legend, and as Rick Tocchet said in his last post-game scrum of the season, he’s one of those people you really want to win a Stanley Cup for.
My only interactions with Patty were:
  1. When I accidentally kicked a pair of skates over in a stall, and he looked at me like I wounded him personally
  2. When I blocked his path so he couldn’t get an equipment cart out of the room, and he looked at me like I wounded him personally.
I still think about those two times I failed you, Patty. I’m still sorry.
And what do you do when a legend retires? You get another legend to come out to oversee it, as Trevor Linden was on hand to wish Patty farewell:
Best in the business.
Best never forget
This is the actual value of little things. People remember this stuff, man. Patty has probably given core memories to so many people in this town with acts like this.
Best finishing strong I guess?
With nothing on the line and nothing left to play for, the Canucks resumed their “please let this season die” tour with their usual pre-season game energy.
Not that I blame them, mind you. I cannot remember a season that felt more like you were watching a dysfunctional family hurtling towards a divorce while the kids silently prayed it would have happened sooner. No, no, you don’t need to stay together for us, Mom, we’re good. Please divorce. Please.
So when a season like this comes along, yes, I imagine every player just wants it to end once they’re officially out of the playoffs. Quinn Hughes has a haunting existential crisis look on his face at the best of times, but during the post-game scrum you just got the feeling that this season had worn him down physically and mentally to the point that he needed a month at a five-star resort in a part of the world that had never heard of hockey before. I imagine Quinn would tell a waiter that he plays in the NHL, and they would look confused and say, “What’s that?” and Hughes would happily sigh, sit back in his chair, and order 40 more Pina Coladas.
That being said, Kiefer Sherwood and Nils Höglander would be the two players who felt like they gave a little extra on this night. They just forechecked with a bit more determination than the “you know what, you can have that puck good sir” energy from the rest of the Canucks.
In fact, the Canucks first scoring chance came off of Kiefer Sherwood accidentally on purpose tripping Alex Pietrangelo, leading to a Drew O’Connor breakaway:
See the key here from Kiefer is that he dragged a leg and hit the ankle of his opponent. He didn’t aim high and take out a knee, which often leads to a penalty. He just kind of, you know, whoops, did I hit your ankle, tee hee, silly me, I am so clumsy, ‘d him.
As for Drew O’Connor, can we officially anoint him the Tyler Motte of the team? No offence to Drew, but when he gets a breakaway, I tend to get a lot of work done. I don’t have to worry about clipping a goal, is what I am saying.
And again, I like his game. I like his speed. He just hasn’t found a way to showcase that his hands can match his feet, which, yeah, gives him that Tyler Motte energy we know and love in this town.
Best did Brock score yet?
No.
I, in fact, planned to do a clip of each shot Brock got on net in this game as we counted down to see if he would score in potentially his last game with the club, but this was the lone shot of the night.
Which hey, the Canucks only got 17 shots on the night, so at least Brock got almost 6% of his team’s shots?
And to be fair, Conor Garland led the forwards in shots with three, and I don’t remember any of them?
Look, it’s been a long year, let’s just celebrate that damn shot.
Best Suter the Shooter
The Canucks’ lone goal of the night came off of Nils Höglander working hard and winning two puck battles, one in his end of the rink, and one in the other. The end result was Garland getting a shot off (OH! There is one of his shots) and Suter popping in the rebound:
Nils had a rough year with going to Tocchet prison and not scoring goals and generally wondering if he’d be scratched out of existence. But to his credit he bounced back through that adversity and has been on the Canucks better players for the last seven weeks. In particular, he has really improved his puck battle ability, and twice on this play, you can see him body block his opponent away from the puck, leading to him winning the battle.
And as a result, yeah, not only does he get the zone exit, but he gets the puck back at the other end, leading to Suter and Garland doing a snip snap snip snap play that leads to the greasy goal.
Now, I still don’t know where Höglander stands in the eyes of Rick Tocchet, as when he was asked about the play of Nils down the stretch, Tocchet gave a tepid endorsement at best about his play. He did note he’s been one of their better players, but was also quick to point out that he still needs to work on a lot of things.
Which, you know what, in a season that ends up like this, that’s probably something he should be saying about everyone minus Quinn Hughes. So I get where he’s coming from. It would probably be a bit odd if Tocchet’s eyes lit up and he started raving about the play of Nils in a 4-1 loss to end the season.
“Did you SEE that forecheck? Just incredible. Anyways, yeah, we missed the playoffs, but that forecheck. Man. Life changing.”
All I am saying is that I still worry he’s not out of Tocc Pen yet. I still wonder if he gets traded in the near future, because we have several examples of players who don’t fit the system getting the boot.
But if Rick wants evidence of the good side of Nils, here is another clip of Höglander working hard to recover a puck in the offensive zone:
That puck is tossed away and 99% of the time a Canucks player just leaves it, but Nearly Nils skates hard and harasses Shea Theodore into a puck battle, leading to extended offensive zone time for his team.
You also had Nils working in the offensive zone with an active stick, preventing a zone clearance and once again providing more time for his team in the offensive zone:
Again, there wasn’t much to write about on this night, and the Canucks basically shut down after the first period, but Nils was someone who stood out on Vancouver’s side of things.
Best cashing in those trophies
Quinn Hughes won the most exciting player award and the best defenceman award, and while he didn’t surpass Alex Edler for most career points from a defenceman this night, he did come close on this shot:
You know what, I’d rather Quinn Hughes dangle someone in October and go top shelf where Mom left her latest attempt at perfecting a banoffee, than getting the record in this season.
Best Kevin being Kevin
I don’t have a single offensive highlight from the second period from the Canucks, but I do have Kevin Lankinen making some slick saves?
First up, we have Kevin doing the ol’ blue paint scramble, tracking a puck through traffic and shutting down the end of a Vegas Knights power play:
Then we had Lankinen making a save on Pavel Dorofeyev after a nice pass from the returning Jack Eichel, complete with flailing legs to add that extra bit of flair:
And then we had Defensive Oriented Elias Pettersson making a pass that I can only describe as ambitious at best, as he sent a puck right through the middle of the ice, in front of his net, leading to Kevin having to once again make a big save:
That’s the kind of pass I make in beer league, and I just go home. I tell my team I’m sorry about what I’ve done, and I pack it in for the night. Alas, EP25 is better than I in so many aspects of life, so he fought through this turnover and completed the game.
Best this is the end
Vegas would finally find a way to solve Kevin when William Karlsson found Victor Olofsson for the perfect one-timer shot:
Now, you might suspect that Olofsson should not be open like that. In fact, you might have a sneaking suspicion that winning hockey teams don’t let that happen too often.
Alas, Max Sasson ended up defending…*waves hand in general direction of the earth*.
I think Sasson was trying to help out down low, but then he got caught up in the down low lifestyle, and so he ends up offering no coverage to the middle of the ice whatsoever. Ends up giving a lot of time and space, which is what kills you in this league.
Any league, really. I can go bar down if you give me three hours and plenty of personal space.
But especially in the NHL.
Best out of nowhere
Kevin Lankinen pulled a muscle and was replaced by Nikita Tolopilo, who unfortunately was tasked with facing a Vegas team that was in its “ok that’s enough farting around, let’s win this game” mode.
And while Nikita made a couple of good saves early on, it didn’t take long for Vegas to take the lead for good:
Yes, that’s Ben Hutton picking up one of his two assists on the night on this goal. Yes, that Ben Hutton. Ben Hutton from the Matt Bartkowski and Emerson “Not a Cheese” Etam days.
And yes, that is Pavel Dorofeyev scoring his 35th goal of the year, and he made me realize how other teams must have felt in Andrei Kuzemnko’s 39-goal season. Just some random Russian player you’ve barely heard of torching your team, and you’re like “hey good on that kid, that’s probably his first goal or something,” and then you find out they’re flirting with a 40-goal season.
Best not now Jeff
This feels like the most depressing J-Pats stat tweet of all time, and that’s saying something.
But he’s correct, and Ben Hutton got his second assist of an absolute filthy tip from Jack Eichel:
That’s the kind of tip that feels mean-spirited. Some tipped shots you’re like “yeah yeah, good tip, that was pretty good hand eye” but this kind of tip you’re like “ok relax dude, this team isn’t making the playoffs, we get it, you’re better.”
Bouncing that puck off the ice and then plinking it past Nikita, just an absolute gem of a tip.
Fun fact, Jack Eichel tipped this goal in after Kiefer Sherwood through a big hit on him. This was 100% a “f*** you” tip goal in response to that.
Best hunting hits 24/7
Kiefer Sherwood ended the night with eight hits, which is mostly impressive because, yeah, nothing was on the line. He had no reason to be out there doing this, yet he did:
I respect a man who goes out on his shield like this. Alex Pietrangelo is 6’3″ and 215 pounds, and Nicolas Hague is 6’6″ and 245 pounds. Those are some big boys.
And even though Hague got the best of him, he pissed off Nicholas so much that he gave Kiefer an extra shot at the end of the play.
Sherwood is just 100% one of those players that deserves to be in the playoffs, just to see what shit he gets up to. In a perfect world, I’d have Raffi Torres and Kiefer Sherwood playing together, mostly so Kiefer could try and explain what a legal hit is to Raffi.
Still, think of the violence.
The best part of the post-game media scrums? Kiefer Sherwood telling us he found highlights of the 2011 and got chills watching it. He is officially one of us now. Finding himself watching 2011 highlights at 2 am in the morning, getting jacked watching the beauty of that run.
Welcome home, Kiefer.
Best last clip of the season
And with the goalie pulled, the Canucks did what they do better than anyone else in this league: they let a player get their first career NHL goal:
Cole Schwindt putting the exclamation mark on the season that was for Vancouver.
Which brings us to the end, my friends. The only end.
For those who stuck with The Stanchies all season long, I thank you. I hope we have a better season next year to write about, and that we can remember what fun feels like again. If for no other reason than the fact that we need more playoff runs for the Chaos Giraffe. At least give us that.
Until then, keep on making gif money.
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