I think I’m done.
Look, I’ve covered a lot of bad losses in my time covering this team. Been through some rough times. Somehow managed to find a way to joke through all of it.
But there is just something about this current Canucks roster that worms its way under your skin, gets into your bloodstream, and makes you want to give up on everything. I find myself pining for the days of Jayson Megna on the power play. Michael Chaput, where you at? Luca Sbisa, I apologize for rating you so low, I didn’t know it got worse. So much worse.
I don’t think many people thought the Canucks were going to win the re-match against Edmonton, but I think most people just wanted the team to show up. We saw them do it a week ago; we know they have it in them. But much like the game against Buffalo, it just felt like nobody was that interested in being there. And how can you ask a fan base to care about a team when it looks like the players don’t seem to give a sh*t about it either.
And hey, maybe the team is sick. Maybe too many players put a lot of faith in the Vancouver Canucks health and safety protocols around food handling.
But over the course of 50 games, it’s hard to look at this team and think to yourself, “Yeah, any day now, any day now they are going to flip that switch, baby.”
The roster looks fatally flawed. The coach looks like he’s lost the room. The players seem to be looking for answers from anywhere but the room itself. It’s like that Spiderman meme with all the pointing, except not nearly as fun or whimsical.
So here I find myself, having to write about this team playing terrible hockey, the kind of hockey I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and I have to find a way not to doom and gloom it up too much. And I don’t think I can, honestly.
This team has played some of the most incredibly tedious, boring, god-awful hockey I have seen in Vancouver. You had an owner clapping his hands like a seal after that playoff run last year, a front office giggling about how the tickets this season would sell themselves, who are now watching their student rush campaign somehow not landing at that $180 price point.
Yet despite all of that, fans are still tuning in. Because that’s what we do in Vancouver. We endure. We survive. We put up with it.
But at some point, you have to ask for more. More from the team. More from the coaching. And more from the management. Because, honestly, this hockey is an insult to anybody who cheers for this team.
You have a locker room that almost openly pouts when asked about a bad game they had. Staring at the ground, voice barely above a whisper, body language of an angry teenager asked about why he didn’t clean his room. How dare you be mean to the millionaires by asking them to be…accountable? Answer a handful of questions about a game? I dunno.
You also have a coach who apparently has absolutely no answers as to why his team is performing this way. You can almost see him wearing the hot dog costume as he claims we’re all trying to find the guy who did this as his team struggles to get 20 shots in a game.
And then you have a general manager who claims a Derek Forbort injury really set this team back and then says the defensive core he assembled is, in fact, really good at defending, giving off Elon levels of bravado in a technology he doesn’t fully understand. This might be the most egregious part of all of this because while the players and coaching deserve a lot of the heat, not nearly enough is being put on this team’s off-season approach to defence. Vincent Desharnais, a guy who seems like a sweetheart of a fella, one of the few players who always has a smile on his face, has not played good hockey. He was terrible on Thursday. I expect he will be terrible again in a future game. Derek Forbort is fantastic at shutting down zone entries, but that’s it. That is literally all he can do; he’s the guy you ask to hold the door in your epic fantasy novel. Hoping Tyler Myers and Carson Soucy could match last season but without having the safety of Ian Cole and Nikita Zadorov on the backend? Risky as eating the Rogers Arena press box salad and assuming you won’t be filling your pants by sundown.
And on top of all of this, you have this painful stretch of time where it’s essentially a “So is JT Miller being traded or…” stench covering everything that happens, every day, every single minute, every single damn second with this team. You almost feel bad for JT Miller sitting out on the ice, wondering if this next “last dinner with the fellas” will actually be the last dinner with the fellas.
The last time I can remember the vibes around the team being this off, this confusing, and this bad were the Messier years. For all the pain we had under Coach Willie, for all the stumbles Jim Benning had, all of that still somehow felt more optimistic and hopeful than this season has gone.
And sure, hey, light switches can happen. Maybe you look at last season and then this season, and you pray that the real team is somewhere in the middle of all that. You’re a better person than I am if you can hold onto that.
But holy hell, how many more losses does this team have in them before management punts this season and focuses on the next evolution of this team?
Because right now, I am running out of words to describe what a disappointment this season has turned into, and that makes me sad.
Best high point of the game
This will be a rare clip from the game because it features the Oilers not scoring a goal and also showcases Thatcher Demko making a save where he doesn’t look confused and frightened about what happened to the puck.
As Grady points out, however, the Canucks made it know early that you know what Edmonton, you won’t need much this game. Just try a little bit and you probably have us:
This clip features one of many Canucks tactics this season where I go “wtf is happening”, as they deploy the “let’s go double team that guy for reasons I can’t explain right now, it’s possible I work with the CIA but I can’t confirm that” with the vaunted “Hey, what if we like, you know, didn’t actually defend anyone?” technique that is a staple in my beer league career. I want to defend someone but man, I have to walk the dog later and I only have so much energy to use up on a Thursday night. I’m sure the goalie has this one, anyways.
And in this case, Thatcher Demko did make the nice save on Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.
Hurray.
Best actually it’s about ethics in gaming journalism 
One of the more amusing moments from the game were the Oilers fans booing Conor Garland the entire game anytime he touched the puck.
Which let me say, I am a big fan of that. I actually love that the fan base got so mad at Corolla that they made him the number-one villain of this team. Heck, Brad Marchand still gets boo’d in Vancouver, and I love it. Sports needs villains as much as it needs its heroes, so kudos to the fans for keeping that energy up all game.
The only issue I had, was yeah, some of the fanbase pretending they were above that. “No, no, you see, we have no issue with Conor Garland, we just have an issue with officiating. It is a noble and just cause, and we wish Garland all the best. He plays well for a peasant, I suppose.”
Nah, nah, nah, you guys got pissed off at him holding your boy, just admit it. Nothing wrong with some WWE theatrics in sports fandom, we need more of that, not less of it.
Best sign protests work
I thought Edmonton’s media/players/fanbase were being a giant pile of piss babies for how they reacted to Garland daring to hold onto Connor McDavid; I really did. In fact, when the team had the temerity to actually release a statement in regards to the Connor McDavid suspension, acting like he’d been run over by a car and was upset that Garland had done it for The Rock, it felt like an extreme overreaction. The “keep us in your thoughts and prayers” vibes were astounding for a club that watched their captain cross-check another dude in the face, somehow painting McDavid as the victim here. We were minutes away from “McDavid could have hurt his wrist having to cross check Garland, the league needs to be better” takes.
But then Thursday rolled around and I realized they played it right, they had the officials in their pocket for the night. Don’t get me wrong, Edmonton wins this game either way, but it was made just a little bit easier holding 4 power plays to 0 advantage on the night.
It didn’t take long for the refs to let Vancouver know that this game was going to be called a certain way, as Kiefer Sherwood somehow, inexplicably, incredibly, got called for roughing on this play with Evan Bouchard:
I mean, that’s straight up, not a penalty. It just isn’t. That is very clearly a “message received, Edmonton!” response from the officials.
Again, I think Edmonton was clearly going to beat the absolute spit out of this Vancouver Canucks team on Thursday. But it also felt like, yeah, ok, McDavid and Edmonton flexed some political muscle on this one, and it worked.
Meanwhile, Rick Tocchet is praising the officials every night, and at most, he occasionally gets a brief explanation on one of Desharnais’s 80 penalties in a game.
It pays to be the bad boy; that’s all I’m saying.
Best back when it was close
Some stuff happened that wasn’t just the Oilers scoring, so I guess we can look at that.
Here is RNH somehow popping straight up in the air, described to me by someone from Edmonton “clearly because his skate got stuck in a rut on the ice” and not because he was trying to draw a penalty, because “trust me, he’s not like that, bro.”:
Visually, it’s objectively funny. Out of nowhere, he’s popping up like your toast is ready for breakfast. Just shoots into the air and lands in the crease, neat as you please. Never trying to draw a call, though. He would never do that. Source: Trust me, bro.
Other first period Canuck highlights, of which there were very few, was Conor Garland summoning his inner Josh Allen and trying to airmail a pass to Phil Di Giuseppe for a contested breakaway of sorts:
Hey, it’s a nice pass, and at least it ended with a shot on net. It could have been worse. It could have been worse.
Best finger on the scale
Now, the Darnell Nurse punch wasn’t egregious; it was one of those sneaky scrum punches that happens several times a game. But when you just gave Kiefer Sherwood a penalty for “looking in the general vicinity of Evan Bouchard,” then yes, you can probably take a bit of umbrage with it.
But that punch isn’t what caused the Oilers to score the first goal of the game, no, no. That would very much be because Fil Hronek didn’t cover Zach Hyman sneaking in behind him:
I mean, full credit to Hyman, that’s a gorgeous goal. Just goes full power forward and tucks the puck in, lights the lamp, and gets back to the bench in time for lunch. That’s good stuff.
But it does showcase that the vaunted GOTI system Tocchet employs? It’s not working nearly as much as it used to.
When you win games, you can ignore the lack of offensive production. Hell, when it provides top-level defensive structure, you learn to put up with the lack of offense. When it doesn’t even work anymore, and you still can’t score? That’s when you get people wondering what’s the biggest issue: the roster or the coaching.
Best maybe in a different world
It’s true; the Canucks had a couple of scoring chances to tie the game up, led first by Brock Boeser leading the rush on a slick pass from Quinn Hughes, ending with him just missing out on tucking in a rebound off a Teddy KGB shot:
Then you had Jake DeBrusk, Mr. Streaky himself, almost catching Oilers goaltender Calvin Pickard cutting across the crease the wrong direction after a great pass from Garland:
Was Garland boo’d for touching the puck here? Damn, straight he was.
But remember, it’s about ethics in hockey penalties, guys, don’t get it twisted.
Best sign they might not be good at defending
Vinnie Desharnais feels like he’d be one of the most fun guys to get a beer with from the Canucks. He seems like a light-hearted, funny guy.
The problem is that his on-ice results just aren’t that great. So, instead of laughing and cracking jokes with him while drinking that beer, you’d be constantly worried someone was sneaking in behind him to score a goal.
And it’s not just defending; it’s the whole puck movement thing. Just sort of not his bag, baby. Which is why it wasn’t too shocking to see him fail to get the puck out of his own zone twice in a row, leading to an extended shift stuck in his own end, leading to him taking a penalty:
And you know what Edmonton really enjoys? Time and space with the puck, something a power play kind of lends itself to:
I think I read somewhere that Leon Draisaitl is good at shooting from that side of the ice? I think? Possibly?
Whatever the case may be, the Oilers find him wide open and makes the Canucks pay for it with the Oilers second goal of the game.
Best hello McFly
Edmonton then made it 3-0 after winning a board battle down low and dragging the puck out from behind the net, possibly scaring Thatcher Demko by letting him know they can score from anywhere. Anywhere:
Don’t get me wrong, the Canucks did Thatcher absolutely zero favours on the night. In fact, the high-danger scoring chances heavily favoured Edmonton 12-2 on the night.
But Demko looks off in the nets. Something isn’t right. His game isn’t there yet. Something about the way he is playing just doesn’t seem like he’s locked in. I actively wonder if Kevin Woodley would have made the save on this shot, and that worries me. I should never wonder if Woodley could make a stop. That’s a true sign of panic on my part. It should never get there.
Again, he’s coming off a big injury, and we know things can take time with coming back from such things, so all we can say right now is that currently, Demko hasn’t been great. These are still very much Kevin Lankinen’s nets.
Best checked out
Despite being down 3-0 in the game, Vancouver still managed to generate absolutely zero offence while also giving up another odd-man rush, truly the best of both worlds:
At least this time, the defensive pinch that led to the 2 on 1 was a result of Quinn Hughes jumping up in the play. We can’t get mad at Quinn. Not now. Not at a time like this.
Best guess
Best proof of existence
I know people make the jokes like, “Oh I didn’t realize X player was even playing tonight!!” but tonight, I actually meant it. I realized I couldn’t remember seeing Elias Pettersson for most of the night, so at least this big hit was a reminder he was in the lineup:
Anytime you can go full Kronwall, you take it.
Best what are we even doing here
The Oilers scored their fourth goal of the night after Teddy Blueger got to the puck in the corner and thought to himself, “You know what I should do? A no look pass into the middle towards Mark Friedman.”
Shockingly, shockingly, it did not generate the return I think Teddy KGB was going for:
On one hand, I applaud this bravado. Anything that isn’t “off the glass and out, dump it in and line change” tends to stand out as an innovative approach to hockey with this team.
On the other hand, you’re down 3-0, and you’re making a play not sanctioned by the GOTI system, to Mark Friedman, of all people.
How did you think this was going to end, Teddy?
Best embrace the pain
You know what I don’t have? Clips of Canucks offence.
You know what I do have? Clips of the Oilers still somehow managing to generate odd-man rushes almost on demand:
I just sat here for five minutes wondering if I could add anything else to this, but nope, I’ve got nothing.
Best won’t somebody think about the stars
I assume Corey Perry lies about everything in hockey; he just seems like the kind of guy whose end game is constantly, “How can I piss this person off the quickest?” so I didn’t really take it to heart when he gave his Oscar-worthy speech about how the game needs to protect its stars.
No, he was merely trying to gain an advantage, as all career trolls do. Which is why it wasn’t shocking when it was shown he probably meant, “The league has to protect MY star,” as shown by his willingness to hunt down Quinn Hughes in this post-whistle scrum:
There is also the possibility that he just hunted for the smallest guy he could find, as that seems very on-brand for him. It’s also possible it was a perfect combo of the two, wherein Hughes was the smallest guy he could find, plus it was a measure of revenge for…holding McDavid? Yes, we must protect the stars, he claimed, while dumping Quinn Hughes on his literal head.
Nobody seemed to be put out by him going after Quinn Hughes at that moment. Later on they would try and do something about it, but call me old fashioned, if a guy takes physical liberties with your captain, especially in a 4-0 game, you have to get on top of that in the moment.
You don’t need to cross-check him in the face, mind you. But at least get in there with some aplomb, you know?
Best hat trick of sorts
This was the softest of the three penalties against Desharnais, but it was called interference for impeding the progress of former friend Vasily Podkolzin:
Now you night think Podkolzin sold that interference by spinning around, but what you don’t know is clearly his skate got stuck in a rut, and you know what, it’s like you don’t even know hockey, bro. Ruts are a very big problem in this league, everyone knows it.
The end result? Desharnais got to proudly watch the birth of causing a second power play goal for the Oilers:
The just straight up rotated right through the Canucks penalty killing diamond like it was no big deal. Like they weren’t even on the ice.
This was not a good game.
Best silver lining I guess, sure, why not
Brock Boeser either raised his contract demands with the Canucks, or set his price higher on the free-agent market; I’m not sure which:
That’s a really nice shot. Filthy snipe show if we’re being honest.
But the Canucks really need to find a way to get these nice goals off in games they actually, you know, win.
Best truth bomb
Best moral victory, sure, I guess
Fil Hronek has generally been pretty rough since his return, as he might have the worst reads on the backend right now. Being off that long is a good excuse, so hopefully, it comes together for him, but he has also struggled in his own zone.
But at least he can still shoot the puck really, really hard:
I don’t know, though; it’s hard to dive into these two goals. Like, sure, good, you got a couple of goals, but surely we aren’t at the stage where we hand out credit for clawing back a couple of goals in a blowout.
“It could have been far worse” is not the rallying cry this fanbase needs right now.
Best high hopes
Elias Pettersson completed the hat trick of getting your hopes up when he shot a puck that deflected off of Podkolzin and ended up eating iron:
And that was the summary of the Canucks most efficient part of the game. Two goals and a post, which on a normal night would be a downright bounty of offence for this team. But on Thursday, it just fell flat.
Best go for broke
The Canucks got a bit ornery in the second half of the game, which, hey, kudos for that. If you’re going to lose, at least be petulant about it. Toss your controller across the room and break the TV. Show us that you are mad about what’s happening, sell us on your emotional investment in this team.
But alas, the Canucks aren’t that great at landing hits? I swear I saw around ten moments where the Canucks tried to line up a big hit, only to get walked right around.
The worst one was probably this Derek Forbort clip, where he managed to miss both a poke check and a body check on the same play:
Tries to hit Adam Henrique and just ends up watching as the pass to Hyman almost gets converted into a hat trick goal.
This is the defence management brought in over the summer. These are their guys.
Best talk talk talk
Was he telling them to trade for him? Was he angrily telling Corey, “You better watch out, buddy”? We might never know.
Best career troll
Corey Perry is the kind of guy who has a Twitter handle like Corey12381892743723 and wears fake tattoo sleeves.
He is also the kind of guy who can goad your team into penalties, like he did on Teddy KGB after the Oilers were about to serve out a penalty of their own:
On the one hand, that feels like a fair trade from Teddy. Getting one solid punch off to the face of Corey seems like a pretty reasonable trade to take your team off the powerplay.
But if there was a faint hope, and we’re talking faint hope, of tying this game up, it probably started with a powerplay goal at that moment.
Instead Corey Perry gets the last laugh and evens out the penalties, and that’s never a good thing. Corey should never feel good about himself in hockey.
Best just end this now
I could almost picture the officials excitedly running to Connor McDavid, asking, “Did we do good?? Did we??” with the way they officiated this game.
Mark Friedman somehow got a 10-minute misconduct here, I guess, for saying mean things?
I think the Canucks clearly wanted some measure of revenge on Perry for the hit on Hughes, but the end of the day, the best revenge is a huge open-ice hit. Dish out that pain in the middle of the ice, not after the whistle has been blown.
Best call everything
Carson Soucy and Matty Janmark then took coincidental minors for ending an icing play a little too rough:
I’ll give the officials credit, the game never got close to being out of hand, but I don’t know if that’s because the Canucks are dead inside, or if its because the officials kept such a tight lid on this one in the third period.
Best let it end, please
The Oilers then got the final goal, their sixth of the night, on a Kasperi Kapanen goal where, you know what, it feels like Demko could have had that one:
You’ll notice Linus Karlsson playing on this shift, falling to the ice and not doing much else. Nils Höglander was scratched for the game, and you have to hope for his sake it was because he was sick? Or something? Because taking him out based on merit makes little to no sense, as he’d been playing some of his best hockey as of late.
Instead, we had what looks like a quad-A player in Karlsson have yet another game with the Canucks at minimal impact.
Seriously, though, Demko has to stop that, right?
Best still trying
Down 6-2, and you know who is going to try and block a shot for you? Corolla Garland:
If only they all had his spirit.
Best what happened
It’s hard to believe that timeline, but it’s true. Just over a year ago, this was the team with all the stars, heading toward a very solid playoff run.
Fast forward to today, and the team is an absolute mess. Completely unrecognizable from where it was a year ago.
People keep wanting to give it time to figure itself out, but the losing results keep piling up.
Where do they even go from here?
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