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Canucks Player Power Tankings – April 4th, 2016
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Grainne Downey
Apr 4, 2016, 17:00 EDTUpdated:
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The Canucks have one week left in their schedule and a possible 8 points up for grabs – ideally they will obtain 0 of those points, though 1 or 2 would be okay at very, very most. This past week was not excellent for the tank, but we can hold out hope for another losing skid to finish off this abysmal season and bring the team as close as possible to that first overall pick.
1. Matt Bartkowski:
Matty B tops the Power Tankings this week and he does so with flair! Look at this! He just stops! 
2. Sven Baertschi and the other injured Canucks:
The broken Canucks continue to do work for the team. Edler is watching soccer, Vrbata is looking like Diplo, Luca Sbisa is jigglypuff, and no one knows where Brandon Sutter is. Sven Baertschi was added to the long list of injured players this week, which is too bad for him because he’s been on a nice little run. It’s great for the tank though, because less Sven probably means fewer goals. Sorry, pal. Linden Vey is also hurt. 
3. Alex Biega:
The Biega-Bartkowski pairing is like if someone shut their eyes and tried to draw the Bieksa-Sbisa pairing that we all complained about last season from memory.  
4. Andrey Pedan: 
Andrey Pedan fought a San Jose Shark this week and played a game at forward. Nothing says tank quite like an eighth defenseman playing on your fourth line. 
5. Yannick Weber:
What a shot! Shea Weber continues to be better than Yannick Weber. 
6. Jared McCann:
McCann took a turn on the wing this week and has looked fairly good. This beautiful miss after a beautiful move, though, pulls him up to sixth on the list:
7. Chris Higgins:
I couldn’t remember what Chris Higgins did this week so I searched him up and apparently he’s hurt too! Here’s a fun story about his goal song. 
8. Markus Granlund:
Granlund picked up his third point as a Canuck with an empty netter against the Sharks!
9. Brendan Gaunce:
Gaunce had a solid week and I have nothing more to say. Good job, Brendan. You did fine. 
10. Jake Virtanen:
Jake Virtanen took himself out of two games after a reckless and late hit on Tuesday night. This seemed like a great tank move until the Canucks won twice without young Jake. Apparently Jake is integral to the tank and his return will be the key to the Canucks demise this week. He’s totally embracing the scummy look, though. Check out that mustache-thing.
11. Emerson Etem:
Etem scored a game winner against his former team. Motivation is a tank killer, I guess. 
12. Dan Hamhuis:
Hamhuis had a nice week, was named the Canucks nominee for the Masterton Trophy, and perfectly summed up the vibe of every 2015/16 Vancouver Canucks win:
13. Henrik Sedin:
Henrik Sedin continues to hurt team tank by being Henrik Sedin, but also continues to help team tank by playing hurt. 
14. Nikita Tryamkin:
Nikita Tryamkin is really fun and really scary!

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15. Alex Burrows:
Burrows is working hard and is sounding like a very tired old man. You can almost see his eyes glaze over as he tries to remember his back-to-back hat tricks and dragon slaying. 
16. Ben Hutton:
Ben Hutton has one week left to score a goal at home and reveal what is surely a wonderful goal song – I want this team to lose, but I also want to know what could possibly top Tanev’s “Hot in Herre”. In the meantime, Hutton is finding pleasure in Matt Bartkowski leaving the ice. Stars! They’re just like us!
17. Ryan Miller & Jacob Markstrom:
These two continued to try their best despite their teammates, and this week it finally paid off for them! Markstrom was so done with his teammates that he started flipping tables instead of participating in pre-game soccer:
18. Daniel Sedin:
It is very hard to not get excited when you watch Daniel Sedin score goals. He’s is up to 28 goals on the season, so if the Canucks are going to score, a couple of D. Sedin tallies to make it an even 30 would be cool. 
19. Jannik Hansen:
Jannik Hansen is pretty bad at tanking. He hit a nice, round career-high 20 goals this week and did so in style: 
20. Chris Tanev:
This guy. Word is he’s still dealing with an injury, but Tanev returned and the Canucks won twice. Someone needs to shut him down for the season before his defensive competence allows the Canucks to hop into the low-twenties of the league standings. 
21. Bo Horvat:
Horvat is the worst at tanking. All things considered, Horvat’s 36 points are very impressive and far more important than his minus-34. It’s hard to not cheer for this kind of goal, even if you’re all about Auston. 


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