You don’t even need to read past the jump to know who tops this week’s power rankings, but I bet you’re curious about #s 2-25! 

You guessed it! Bo Horvat sits on top of the power rankings this week because he was the best Canuck and anytime you make Victor Hedman look this silly, you get to be #1. #Bolieve.  

The other Bae – probably the one more suited to the nickname because his name actually contains the word “bae” – also had a nice week. #Baelieve. 

After having the worst week ever, Jake Virtanen is the coolest teen around after Saturday’s game. Virtanen played one shift with the twins and had probably his best night in the NHL to this point. The results are in and he is officially no longer a lowercase goat!

Markstrom didn’t have a perfect week, but played well enough to give the Canucks a chance to win on a nightly basis, which is pretty impressive considering what we’ve seen from this roster. He also fully supports his new power rankings overlords. 

The adorable dog-shaped gap left by Kali Bonino has finally been filled. Rico Etem is the most tangible thing that his father Emerson has brought to the team so far, but he’ll get his chance tonight against the Panthers. 

Last Monday, Daniel Sedin lost three fake teeth and one real tooth and looked like this:

And then he did this:

Henrik Sedin does not find the above impressive in any way. 

Chris Tanev’s three-game point streak came to an end this week, but he is Chris Tanev so the fact that it happened is pretty amazing. Also, his ranking matches his jersey number! Love it!

Ben Hutton was briefly Erik Karlsson and it was awesome:

The Medicine Hat reunion is in full swing and Linden Vey is heating up just in time. 

As Horvat and Baertschi ride a cool, loud motorbike into the sunset, Radim Vrbata is sitting in the sidecar. He doesn’t look as cool at the other two, but he’s along for the ride. 

Alex Edler was on the ice for three goals against on Saturday and even scored one of them! Yikes!

This is nice for Cracknell, who was a question mark to make the team in October. 

#14 at #14! Alex Burrows returned to the Sedin line in the absence of Jannik Hansen. He is also Jake Virtanen’s biggest mentor right now because if there’s one guy who knows what it’s like to have an entire country shake their heads at you, it’s Alex Burrows.

A third ranking that matches a jersey number! What a week! Derek Dorsett is still playing a whole lot of hockey, perhaps more than necessary. 

There is nothing new to say about Alex Biega. He’s doing just fine. 

Laurent Dauphin’s name sounds like Laurent Dolphin but Yannick Weber was the one swimming on the Coyote’s first NHL goal. Haha. 

This week, Matt Bartkowski stated that he can’t stand the Seattle Seahawks, proving what we all already knew: Matt Bartkowski hates good defense. 

Brandon Prust can be frustrating to watch at times, but man, he can ever accessorize. 

Jared McCann has a Jared McPlan:

Ryan Miller returned from injury this week! He hasn’t played yet, but he was featured on TMZ!

These two are expected to join the Canucks on their upcoming road trip. Maybe next week they will finally find themselves ranked separately. Stay tuned.

Dan Hamhuis talked to Thomas Drance about the upside of pureeing all of your food: you become better at pureeing food! Ok!

Jannik Hansen’s super awesome year has hit a snag and Hansen is currently on the IR. 

Imagine your team posting to Instagram about wanting to trade you.