Trying to separate the mediocre from the terrible was especially difficult this week. Pretty much every Canuck hovered around the same level of “bleh” throughout both of their losses and these power rankings tried their very hardest to spread the “bleh” into an ordered list. Read on past the jump to find out how this went:

Dan Hamhuis has finally returned, separating himself from Brandon Sutter, and allowing me the opportunity to say something other than “He’s still hurt!”

Hamhuis played very well in his return and still looks as handsome as ever, despite the entire middle portion of his face being shattered: 

Emerson Etem got his first goal as a Canuck this week! It didn’t mean anything, but it’s still nice for him.

Linden Vey scored the only other goal this week and assisted on that Etem tally. Two points is good for the team lead over the past 7 days. Keep it up, Linden!  

Daniel Sedin is an all-star in every sense of the word, especially when it matters most: 

Sbisa’s most memorable moments this week were his involvement in a truly hilarious too many men penalty and his fight with Michael Ferland. Neither of these went very well for Luca, but both made me smile. Plus he wears #5 and I love when that happens. 

Horvat does these moves a lot and it’s such a joy when they work out:

Henrik Sedin returned to the Canucks lineup following the All Star break. This is good because it is always fun to watch Henrik Sedin play ice hockey, even when his team is losing.

Edler actually had a pretty decent week – he put up 8 shots against Columbus and played the role of Chris Tanev on Saturday night, calmly sweeping the puck off the goal line. No word on if Edler is planning to grow his hair out and never wash it again. 

The dreamiest defensive defenseman around looked as silky as ever against Columbus but had a disastrous night by his standards on Saturday. Errors in his own zone? Surely not!

Sven Baertschi did not score on his former team this week but he put so much effort into this dab that I have to give him credit:

via 

Hutton joined Scott Oake after Saturday’s game and turned on the charm. Even Oilers fans were loving it. 

Who couldn’t love this?

Ryan Miller did not win either of his starts but Von Miller was Super Bowl MVP so overall it wasn’t a terrible week for Millers. 

Watch out, Jannik. 

Brandon Sutter is also finally back and as versatile as ever!

If Alex Burrows’ math is correct, the Canucks will probably not make the playoffs. If it’s incorrect, the Canucks will also probably not make the playoffs. 

Virtanen was an unexpected scratch against Columbus but he returned on Saturday night and showed up in this killer grey hat-grey sweater-grey shirt combo. 

Look at this photo of Jared McCann as a child, taken 3 hours ago:

Here is the most memorable thing that Radim Vrbata did this week:

Alex Biega was scratched due to Hamhuis’ return, but he’s still a Canuck so he’s probably not too upset. 

Matt Bartkowski is mesmerizing, in his own weird way:

Markstrom did not play this week, but he did do this:

Cracknell did not play this week but he avoided being waived so at least he’s got that!