Sharon Stone and Nikita Zadorov were trending on social media after the game, and after making sure no egregious five-hole goals were scored, I was able to conclude they were not related.
What I WAS able to conclude is Boston Bruins fans aren’t very happy with their big off-season signings in Elias Lindholm and the Russian fashion icon. It probably had something to do with watching their home team get shut out 2-0, despite out-shooting the Vancouver Canucks 32-15 and holding a 13-1 edge in high-danger chances.
It was the kind of game coaches love and fans do their best to put up with, the perfect primer for holiday dinners with the family. When the Canucks held a 1-0 lead for the majority of the game and started setting up shop to take away the GOTI from Boston, you could almost sense a wave of pride oozing from their Rick Tocchet.
Win a game 8-7? Oh boy, coach is going to emotionally trauma dump all over the media in the post-game scrum. There is no way Nils Höglander is coming out of that unscathed.
Win a game in which you block 26 shots to the other teams 11? Damn it, that’s how a man/woman wins games.
And part of me wants to sit back and be dazzled by the performance of Kevin Lankinen, who put on his best performance in a Canucks uniform to date. Who wouldn’t want to giggle as the Edmonton Oilers struggle with goaltending while the solution might have been right in front of them the whole time in the Finnish delight.
And part of me wants to enjoy watching the Bruins lose, seeing their fans implode as they scream and fight with each other about ex-Canucks “ruining their team forever.” It felt like a scene out of From, with their fan base imploding as they took turns trying to blame Zadorov and Lindholm for leaving a window open at night.
But part of me is also worried that this was another blueprint from last year’s playoff run in “How to win close games,” which seems to rely pretty heavily on top-tier goaltending, a dash of luck, and trying to block every shot attempt ever made.
Which, don’t get me wrong, that’s a big part of winning in any playoff run. But if you can’t figure out how to get some offence out of your team when they need it, well, it just feels like it’s hard to picture four rounds of victories with that game plan.
That being said, this is just one game in November, and you should very clearly enjoy the win over Boston. I don’t think I need to pre-plan any anxiety about a potential playoff run based off of one regular season game result.
I am just saying a small part of me wonders what this team will look like the next time they enter the post-season and if they have figured out how to switch on the offence yet.
Time for that later, though, as we have around a million Kevin Lankinen save gifs to get through.
Did I mention Boston lost yet?
Best romance novel intro
The game started off with Nikita Zadorov and Kiefer Sherwood throwing hits at one another, and it ended with both men throwing hits at one another. It was much like last year’s playoffs, but this time, the colour palettes were swapped.
It was literally the first shift of the game where we saw Kiefer get hit hard by Zadorov, but the receipt king made sure to give it right back to him before he went for a line change:
A final tally of hits on the night, you ask?
Zadorov: 2
Sherwood: 8
I’m not sure who wore a fancier watch to the game, but I’ll assume it was Zadorov, which is good, because he needed a win somewhere.
Best return of the Brock
Brock Boeser made his return to the Canucks lineup, finding himself on a third line with Danton Heinen and Teddy KGB. He ended the night with 17+ minutes of ice time but no points, which is fine, considering only four players got a point on the night.
Instead of offence, though, he brought his usual steadying presence on defence, which is a big factor in a game that leaned really heavily into that GOTI lifestyle.
And while his defensive game isn’t flashy (he’s not out there throwing huge hits or generating Pavel Bure breakaways powered by rocket fuel and residual anger against the team’s GM), his game is very reliable:
He’s in position, and he makes sure he is all over his man. He eventually pressures Mark Kastelic into turning the puck over, which leads to a zone exit. Again, not a sexy sort of play, you’re not going to grab Kleenex while watching this clip, but it’s the kind of play you show in the video sessions when you want examples of efficient, smart hockey.
I think a major sign of Brock’s hockey IQ is the fact he wasn’t blessed with top-level skating, but he’s always making sure he’s in a good position, so his lack of speed doesn’t hurt him.
Also, note how Brock Boeser pushes his guy and harasses him when he has the puck and no penalty is called because that will surely not come into play later in this article.
Best all GOTI all the time
Look, a lot of this article is going to be filled with the Bruins trying to score and me making a variety of Home Alone references. As you saw in the intro, the Canucks didn’t have a lot of pushback in this game. Once they got their first goal, they sat back and parked the bus.
But since I want to prove to you that the Canucks did indeed get some shots on net, here is Pius Suter getting one in the first period:
Conor Garland is the one who sets this play in motion by stealing the puck at the blueline before making the cross-ice pass to Suter, who was denied by Jeremy Swayman.
When you glance over, and part of you quickly wonders if Quinn Hughes picked up the wrong stick and is trying out being right-handed for a shift, it’s a good sign that someone made a high-level play.
But the Canucks only generated three shots in the opening frame. A lot of the night consisted of the Bruins tossing the puck around the ice, throwing the puck on net, and crashing the crease:
I think most nights, this would have worked just fine? At the very least, they probably would have tied the game up at some point using this strategy? But Kevin came to the rink today with violence on his mind, as he went full first game Mike Fountain against the Bruins. He was about as locked in as a goalie can get, as he was seemingly in position on every shot before it even left a Bruin stick.
Even with a lot of left to right puck movement, the Bruins could not for the life of them get Kevin to go full Basic Instinct on the night, as he stopped every single puck that came into his crease.
And when Kevin needed help? His entire team was ready to block shots for him. You want Erik Brännström to block a puck with his body and not even blink? You got it:
I assume Gandalf was in attendance for the pre-game meeting because every Canuck skater lined up to lay down their stick for their goaltender.
Best fashionista
I kind of enjoyed the black turtleneck Garland era, but I will say I fully respect the man going out to get neckguards that match his home and away jerseys. I also have sad news to report, and that is that Garland shaved off his Robotnik moustache, so now we live in a non-facial hair Corolla Era, and no, I won’t be taking any questions at this time.
Instead I will show you the last shot the Canucks generated in the first period, thanks to Dakota Joshua finding Garland from the corner:
“But Wyatt, there are nine more minutes left in the period, surely they got more shots before the buzzer.”
Look, I don’t know what to tell you.
Best man, so tight, almost like a playoff game
Boston began gaining momentum as the first period wore on, but if it wasn’t Kevin making a huge save, it was Boston not finishing on their chances.
Here was Brad Marchand getting a brilliant chance at the side of the net after a cheeky pass out front:
If that was 2011, Colin Campbell would have sprinted onto the ice and demanded a penalty shot be handed out to Boston before turning around and punting Kevin right in the nuts, but since we live in the 2024 world, all Boston could do was bemoan their lack of finish.
Justin Brazeau was the next player to clutch at his hands and wonder why God hated him as he, too, missed smashing in a rebound:
Please note that Erik Brännström blocked the shot on that rebound, and even though he played the lowest minutes of any defenceman on the team (13 minutes, with the next lowest being Tyler Myers of all people at 18:49), he stepped up in blocking shots as well as anyone. I won’t mention Corsi too much, as it was an absolute nightmare for the majority of the team, but that’s because it kind of comes with the territory when you sit back and barely push for offence.
It would be like complaining your Big Mac was too greasy while sitting on your toilet during the post-eating shame portion of McDonalds food.
It eventually got to the point where part of me wondered that maybe Colin Campbell had faxed in a request for old times sake because Morgan Geekie got an assist from the linesman for another Bruins high danger chance as the period came to a close:
See, this is the thing, it was a very hard-working effort from the Canucks, so I give them all the credit in the world for a gutsy effort.
But they also ended the night giving up 13 high-danger chances to their lone one. It’s hard to fully be like, “wow, what warriors, you absolute lads, what a game,” when I still have no idea how they managed to win the game?
I mean I know how, it was Kevin playing like he was about to star in Space Jam 3, but the process of how this game played out was a bit underwhelming. It felt like someone trying to excitedly explain to me what Bitcoin is. Like, I’m happy you’re passionate about this, but I’m good?
Best first period summary
Dark Stats Jeff paints the picture of how that first period went. The Canucks parked the bus before they even got their first goal.
Best here comes my hero
David Pastrnak almost opened the scoring up for Boston when he got a breakaway at the start of the second period:
That type of shot attempt is one of my favourites because it’s so delightfully mocking when it goes in. That subtle little move where you open the goalie’s leg and then let the puck’s momentum just sort of softly carry the puck into the night like you’re Sandra Schmirler in her prime? That’s the good shit.
But Kevin wasn’t having it, thanks to a combination of an electrified door handle and some iced up steps. And much like before, even with Kevin out of the nets, there was Brännström making the big shot block to keep the game scoreless.
Pasta would then set up Pavel Zacha for another high-danger shot in the slot a few minutes later:
If it feels like the Canucks are playing with fire, you are very much not alone in that thought process. It felt like it was just a matter of time until Boston scored first, and then the real game would start where the Canucks realize they actually have to try and score some goals.
Best trouble is Bruin
Hey, you know what Boston could have used Tuesday night? The scoring touch of Jake DeBrusk:
Like a young Jake Wyler finding Marty in the end zone, DeBrusk cut the Bruins net front coverage in half by setting up shop in the crease, leading to the easy tap in.
This is literally the most offensively exciting thing the Canucks did all game, so please make sure to sit back and savor it. Enjoy the feeling of watching a puck entering a net because it will be a while before we get back to it.
There is no secret ingredient into how this power play worked, it was simple hockey where you fire the puck from the point and hope you can cause a ruckus down low to score. It’s essentially what Boston attempted 32 times while the Canucks tried it maybe twice?
The most amusing part of this goal was the Bruins challenging it due to a suspected, possible, alleged hand pass from Garland in the form of the puck touching his glove as it careened towards the net.
At the time, I was like, “Ok, lots of time left on the clock, why would the Bruins use such a desperate challenge when they’re only down a single goal?” And you know what, I’m man enough to admit that Boston knew more than me here. They knew that one goal was the game winner so they did what they had to do to try and overturn it.
The officials deemed it a good goal, however, and awarded the Canucks a power play, which Vancouver promptly spent not scoring. Which to be honest, it felt normal? It felt like being home again? Scoring goals on the power play isn’t something my brain is ready to accept from this team yet.
Best everybody eats
The Buffalo Bills would be so damn proud.
Best Dancin’ Danton
Danton Heinen would then almost make it 2-0 at the midpoint of the second period:
Nearly Nil picked up the loose puck but then tried to sauce over a pass even Henrik Sedin would think was “a bit much,” and all Danton could do was watch as his revenge-fueled dreams bled out towards the boards.
Best all Kevin all the time
Much like stepping on a nail covered in tar, I have to assume this hurt the Bruins:
With the man advantage, Boston’s best chance was when they tried to bank the puck in off of Soucy, leading to Brad Marchand whacking away at the pads of Kevin.
Which, on one hand, that’s just good scouting from Boston. I believe 87% of goals against the Canucks this year have come due to bouncing off of Soucy’s skate, so it makes sense they tried it here.
The problem was Kevin was straight up throwing bricks from the rooftop of a building at Boston players and getting away with it.
Which is wild when you think about it, showing a movie where a kid tosses a brick onto the head of a human, and it doesn’t end in homicide charges being laid. I am convinced that the Good Son is the spiritual successor to Home Alone 2.
Anyways.
Best heat graph
This was the end of the second period, and this feels more like a commercial for the leading brand of Valacyclovir, showing how their stuff works better than the competitors.
Best feeding the beast
The GOTI continued to be fed as the Canucks truly settled into their defensive shell in the third period:
That’s pretty much the same game plan that the Canucks used on their power play goal, except Boston doesn’t have a Jake DeBrusk to tap in goals around the crease.
Fun fact: Jake’s 14 points would put him third on the Bruins in scoring, four ahead of Elias Lindholm.
Best brick wall gonna keep bricking
Marc McLaughlin was the next contestant to fail to score on Kevin, thus lowering his self-worth and self esteem in the process:
Brazeau tries to go for the rebound, but you can tell it’s a half-hearted attempt. He knows he isn’t going to score there, so why bother getting himself put in a highlight reel save sequence? Best to just sort of drive to the net and go, “Ah darn, he covered the puck,” when you arrive at the crease. That’s when you know a goalie has broken a team.
That didn’t stop the Bruins from trying, however, as up next was Zacha on a Bruins powerplay:
See, it’s hard to show this coverage to people and be like, “Yeah man, THIS is how you lock down games,” when the Bruins were still able to get into the GOTI at times. You basically show this footage to people and go full King of Queens and just shrug and say, “Kevin, am I right?” and go about your day.
Kevin stopped all four shots on that power play, by the way. The crowd began booing at this point.
Best show me more Kevin
Kevin Blankinen’s best save of the night? Sliding over to get a toe on a puck that bounced off the boards right into his crease for a tap in:
It’s kind of incredible we get to see a level of performance like this from a guy who the Canucks almost didn’t sign in the off-season. Kevin is out here playing like a young Bob Essensa for under a million dollars, giving the Canucks some of the best backup goaltending we’ve ever seen in a season in Vancouver. It’s the type of goaltending Marc Crawford would have ignored and still gone with Dan Cloutier over because that’s just who he is as a person, but every other human in the world right now is riding or dying with Kevin.
Best push back
I saw Brock Boeser get a penalty for this live, and I have seen many replays since then, but I still don’t know how you call this:
Much like that first period defensive clinic, Brock is just closing the distance with his check and shoving him with a gloved fist. For some reason, Pastrnak tumbles to the ice and literally barrel rolls along the ice and manages to draw a penalty?
This is where the PTSD from 2011 kicks in because I saw them break Mason Raymond’s back, and it was no big deal, and I was told Boston “plays the right way,” yet here we have a guy showing you what to do if you ever catch on fire and somehow that gets a call. It just doesn’t make sense sometimes, you know?
But as with all things in this world, it starts and ends with Kevin, so here he is shutting down that penalty:
I honestly cannot remember the last time I had an article that featured so many goalie saves. It was probably a Bubble Demko game against the Vegas Golden Knights in the playoffs.
They are straight-up re-directing shots in the crease, and Kevin is still stopping the puck and giving up no rebounds. I feel like I want to accuse Kevin of hacking, but Ricochet doesn’t work anyway, so there’s no point.
Best small, tiny, petite push back
I just want to prove that the Bruins had a goalie in net for the second and third period, so here is the Canucks generating one of their few chances in the third period:
This chance seemed to mostly happen because Boston forgot Jake DeBrusk was no longer on their team, but sometimes you just have to take what they give you.
Best seriously, more Kevin
I have run out of ways to describe Kevin making saves. Just sit back and enjoy:
Like, if you’re Boston, what do you do here at this point? Do you just quit? Go home and beat the traffic? How do you recover from a man doing his best to prove that you are not good enough at your job for an entire night? How do you not just assume he will show up at your house after you’ve made dinner to let you know your risotto was subpar?
That’s gonna ruin the world tour.
Best ending the way it started
We were this close to getting the fight we deserved.
Best sending them home sad
Not since I watched the Buffalo Bills sap every ounce of happiness out of Lumen Field have I enjoyed watching a team lose a game like this:
This has nothing to do with it being Boston and Vancouver, mind you. I just really, really enjoy watching a goalie kick a team down a set of stairs. I grew up watching Domink Hasek do the unthinkable to teams night in and night out, and the look on players faces is something I wish I could hook up to my veins. Just that mix of sadness, regret, astonishment and confusion, it’s hard to top that.
You have to answer questions post-game about why didn’t you do better and why didn’t you score, and it’s like, what else could we do out there?? You saw it, we saw it, it was Kevin. How do you beat Kevin when he’s playing like that? You can’t.
Best keep on motoring
Who else but Corolla?
Garland ended the game with the empty netter, putting him in the mix for the 291-person tie for the goal-scoring lead on the Canucks.
But the main story of the game?
Kevin. Blankinen.
Asked about the performance post-game, Rick Tocchet echoed the sentiments shared by everyone.
“First second and third star. He was very good tonight.”
Best Friends?
Has Elias finally found his forever home linemates?
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