Welcome Back To Sadness (But let’s pretend we’re OK)

The Canucks have been granted access to another game day despite the way they treat the game of hockey. I could write something super meaningful here to start and build you up to thinking the Canucks will prevail against the Oilers tonight but by the end of the paragraph, I’ll remind you that the Canucks currently have a .391 points percentage and just seeing that in writing is enough to crush the spirits of even the most supportive Benning Bro.
So, look at THIS paragraph, every time I do it makes me laugh. This is what happens when the Canucks lose:
If for nothing else, Canucks, win for the well-being of Tommy.
Let’s Do This!™

Line Blender “Now with 20% more Höglander”

Nils gets the star treatment tonight with Elias Pettersson and Brock Boeser. That seems like a fit. It doesn’t have a catchy nickname but if Pettersson was #42 we could call it “Multiples of Six”. I bet that would catch on so quickly. Somehow, Jake Virtanen gets a promotion to Bo Horvat’s line and J.T. Miller is demoted to playing with Brandon Sutter and Adam Gaudette. Fitting I suppose, as there is zero offence coming from those guys overall.
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As always, head on over to Dailyfaceoff.com for all the latest roster/lineup updates.

Can We Convince You To Watch This Game?

  • The Reverse Retro is so very on-brand for the Canucks. It was rumoured to be this jersey even before the teasers and no one wanted it but it showed up and it has resulted in exactly the way we thought: losses, just like the original. Add the jersey the rest of the clear warnings we gave the Canucks like Tyler Myers, Erik Gudbranson, not re-signing Tyler Toffoli, signing Micheal Ferland, trading away a first-rounder when it clearly didn’t need to be traded, and I’m sure there are more but this was too depressing to continue listing off.
  • This may have been noted elsewhere but the Canucks lead the National Hockey League in HDCA with 223 events. The next closest team is… the Senators with 190. The HDGA is bad, too. Naturalstattrick.com can unearth a lot of misery if you hang around long enough.
  • Vancouver is 2-8-2 in its last 12 games. They’re averaging just over two goals per game and allowing a shade under four per, time to worry. Montreal fired their coach with a better record so this should be inexcusable. How do you continue to let a disaster like this fester? What would it take to get a shakeup? 10 goals against? Zeroing out the PP? Jamie Benn on the wing? This has to end at some point.
  • The NHL Draft Simulator at tankathon.com has the up-to-date standings and the Canucks averaged out at the seventh pick. As bad as all of this has been, they can’t even win the lottery. That’s so Canucks!
  • Connor McDavid has 4G/6A in his last five games because of course, he does. Two of those are PPGs. Who really cares, though? Is he the best player on the planet? Maybe. Is he sponsored by Nike? Does he have a Ferrari? I don’t actually know. He IS sponsored by BioSteel so if that’s it, he won’t amount to much.
  • Antoine Roussel was fined the maximum amount ($5000) for his rage-throttling of Jesse Puljujarvi last game. Why did he do it? There had to be a reason. We need to know. Quadrelli has the CA badge for the Canucks Zoom so we need to get to the bottom of this one. We need to know DQ!

What I’d like to see happen

A win. Any kind will do. I don’t care how it happens. Surprise me. This is getting out of hand.

The PowerGlove™ Player of the Game

This is a tough one. I didn’t have Dominik Kahun on my list last time so we’ll have to really think this one out this time like that argument rebuttal in your head three days after the actual argument.
Is it Myers? No. He scored so he goes to the back of the line like a waiver wire position. Olli Juolevi could be the guy? He’s due for a goal. Nope. Can’t be OJ. Let’s go with Jake Virtanen! He is on Horvat’s line tonight and he needs a goal to impress his future mystery team. The last time Jake scored the milk in my fridge was still fresh. I don’t think it is anymore. I don’t think it is at all.
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Time to change Faber’s CA Password