The #Canucks Week in Tweets – Playoff Edition

Aw, look at you, you’re so cute with your riot jokes. They’re most definitely my favorite. And not only that, but you had the decency to throw in a weak pun too! You little scamp! The Artful Dodger would be proud.

More after the jump!

 

 

Another week, another Cory Schneider appearance, but this time, Cory’s got the mitts off! What do you say, champ?

Hey Tim, how’s your NHL career going?

 

 

 

They’re mad because Mike Richards and Jeff Carter stole all their cocaine. And Scott Hartnell’s wife.

No Sarah, it’s not going to be a great day. Not if you’re dressed in THAT. I always hate to give this award out to a fan, but Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Don’t you know that a Penguins shirt will burn right through a Canucks jersey? What with all the Crosby tears staining it, the fact that the shirt has a logo on it other than the majestic flying whale…I mean, you’re just doing it wrong. You can’t do this to your jersey, Canucks fans, or to yourself.

Congratulations Sarah, for being our first official Canucks Army "You’re Doing It Wrong" Tweet of the Week winner in the playoffs! Get out a white towel and scrub that Penguins shirt until it falls apart.

Yeah, we do. We made the playoffs, you didn’t. It’s either cheer for us, or don’t cheer at all, and honestly, we don’t care either way. We can’t help it if the best thing your team has going for it is the draft lottery or its GM holding the record for most chins among hockey executives. We really can’t. Cheer for us, don’t, either way, I’m sure you’ll come up with some SUPER AWESOME NONOBVIOUS nickname to call all of us. 

Are you comparing a tweet to the riot? What does professionalism have to do with the riot? In fact, the mainstream media and police spent weeks telling us the riot WAS done by professionals! So if you go by that basis, it was actually a top-drawer performance.

Not to mention we TRASHED OUR OWN CITY! We paid our OWN price. We didn’t go over to Boston, smash up their city, and then go "hey, rest of the USA, YOURE WELCOME THIS CITY BLOWS SUCK IT NOMAHHHHHHH". Until that day comes, you can’t compare these situations. Well, you can, but it makes you look unprofessional and disrespectful. Now give me back my ball so I can go go home with it. And destroy it, as per my city’s regulations.

No repercussions? Okay, I guess you’re right, it’s not like anyone has access to your PUBLIC Twitter feed. You know, like your future employers, your friends, your family, this random guy who writes for a Canucks website. But yeah, no repercussions at all. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

How many Cups do you have, Brody? Oh, is it zero? Yeah, that’s what I thought. In the time Cory’s been with the Canucks and could actually do something about their future, they’ve made the 2nd round and the Stanley Cup Finals. You know, in those years that the Oilers won something too…the draft lottery. Maybe the Oilers can let him know what the course conditions are like? They’ve had a bit of a headstart on that front.

Does Syria hate the Canucks too?! COME ON! 

Awwww. That’s so cute. There’s literally nothing cuter than…..hey, wait a minute. Is that Kings fan?

KINGS FAN SEZ: RUN THEM ALL DOWN WITH YOUR VEHICLES THEY DONT DESERVE TO LIVE FOR CHEERING FOR THAT STUPID TEAM WERE THEY GOING TO THE POOL TO GO DIVING WITH THE REST OF THE CANUCKS HAHAHAHA LOSERS TAKE EM TO MACARTHUR PARK WELL SAY WHAT UP JUNIORRRRRRRRR