CanucksArmy’s Hot Take Survivor Episode 3: Second Boot tiebreaker edition!
10 days ago
After an ugly first tribal council that saw Noah Strang bounced from Hot Take Survivor with a whopping negative-9 vote score, our writers returned to their camp on the beach, itching to secure a hidden immunity idol to avoid being the next boot.
It’s good that they stepped up their game in the immunity pleadings. Because we experienced the first deadlocked elimination vote in CanucksArmy Hot Take Survivor’s™ storied history! Your opinions and one writer’s grovelling to me [Jeff Probst] saved them from elimination. The other did not grovel hard enough nor bribe well enough and was punished accordingly.
Let’s see who got the boot in this edition of Hot Take Survivor.
But first! The votes!
140 votes were collected from four sources: the CanucksArmy comment section, Twitter, Facebook, and internally, via our writer’s group chat.
To ensure a fair, democratic elimination process, we weighted the votes accordingly.
With Strang’s softball out of the competition, the voters were more analytical in their rankings, resulting in some wildly polarizing scores. One writer’s take jumped from 5th place last week to 1st, another writer’s take went from 7th place to 3rd, and one writer’s take stayed put at 4th overall.
With that. Presenting the two Hot Takes voted (by you) as the coldest/least likely take of the bunch.
The Second Boot!
Two Hot Takes tied at the bottom of the heap with scores of negative-11 apiece.
Elias Pettersson will edge out Connor McDavid for the Art Ross Trophy in the final game of the regular season
Anthony Beauvillier will sign a contract extension with the Canucks before Elias Pettersson does
Like the “hired goon tryout” scene from 2008’s The Dark Knight, I [Jeff Probst, acting Joker] broke my pool cue in half and told our two writers to fight for survival.
Rationalizing how and why Elias Pettersson could edge out Connor McDavid for the Art Ross Trophy in the final game of the regular season, our first contributor said, “There are two things Canucks fans are looking for this season: quantifiable success and good old-fashioned fun. There is no hot take here that would stir up a commotion in this city more than Elias Pettersson in a head-to-head race for the scoring title against the NHL’s poster boy. Vote to keep that kind of optimistic magic alive!”
Wrestling away the ceremonial pool cue of justice from the first contributor, our second writer justified an Anthony Beauvillier contract extension before Elias Pettersson by saying, “It’s just so Canuck-y. Beauvillier is the Canucks’ most tradeable expiring contract, so of course they’d re-sign him instead. He’s just young enough and talented enough to trick the GM who traded for him into thinking he’s a possible member of the core, even though he’s definitely not. All it takes is a reasonably hot start to the season for Beauvillier to get re-upped, and if that occurs before the team knows exactly where it stands with Pettersson, so be it. This is the way of things here.”
Dusting off his sand-covered corduroy pants, our first contributor slammed his fist on the table and exclaimed, “One word: belief! Forget the results, forget the contract talks, forget about everything past April 2024! This is about now and this year. Elias Pettersson is going to reach a level that even his most ardent supporters didn’t know he had. With so much on the line for him AND the Canucks this season, I believe Petey’s about to put on a show. Get ready!”
Reeking of desperation, our second contributor shoved the first contributor off the dais, screaming at me [Jeff Probst, acting Joker, terrified fake TV show host], “The Anthony Beauvillier extension rumours are HEATING UP! By which, I mean my sources have heard absolutely no word about him NOT signing an extension! Nobody is even talking about him NOT signing an extension! Which can only mean one thing. Where there’s no smoke, there’s no fire! This rumour isn’t just airtight, it’s inflammable!”
Retreating to my judge’s chambers (Jeff has one of those, right?), I filtered through the votes and came to my decision.
The second boot from CanucksArmy Hot Take Survivor was…
David Quadrelli’s open weeping aside, the silence at tribal council was deafening as content-monster Stephan Roget was sent packing.
While Roget’s belief that “Beauvillier signing an extension before Pettersson” tracks with the gallows-humour mindset of the modern Canuck fan. The fact is, most voted for Elias Pettersson edging Connor McDavid out for the Art Ross as a rebellion against the realistic possibility that the Vancouver Canucks sign more wingers to bloated extensions instead of their star center, who could theoretically challenge McDavid for the scoring title.
Roget’s take garnered zero 1st-place votes, while “EP40 over McD” returned five for ‘hottest take.’ Roget’s take had two fewer votes in the bottom half of the rankings board, but as this is a “hot take” contest and not a “middle of the pack take” contest, his fate had to be sealed.
Perhaps I am wrong in my assessment. But I don’t care, I am
the Joker Jeff Probst, baby!
Next Week on CanucksArmy Hot Take Survivor
Let us know in the comments how you would rate CanucksArmy’s six remaining Hot Takes by the best/most amusing concept with the greatest likelihood of actually happening. One contributor’s take will outwit, outplay, and outlast the others, and it’s up to you to help us determine who has one aspect of next season figured out already!
A reminder of the takes still on the line for Hot Take Supremacy!
The remaining takes below are ranked, not from best to worst, but to help you vote down in the comment section or on our Google Voting Form!
1. Elias Pettersson will edge out Connor McDavid for the Art Ross Trophy in the final game of the regular season
2. Akito Hirose plays his way into the top four and becomes Filip Hronek’s partner for years to come
3. Arturs Silovs will play more NHL games than Spencer Martin this season
4. Nils Höglander will become a 25-goal scorer
5. Quinn Hughes scores 20 goals
6. Andrei Kuzmenko scores 50 goals and finishes the season with the highest-viewed Canucks goal on YouTube by the end of the season
Recent articles from Cody Severtson