Canucks Player Power Rankings – Mumps Edition

The Canucks had the week off from hockey and kept busy by getting the mumps. I’m going to rank them based on how much they don’t have the mumps, as of Monday morning. Who knows what more this illness has in store for us?

Joe Labate does not have the mumps, but he might have the hearts of Canucks fans. Called up from Utica in the wake of the health crisis, Labate was the best part of the Canucks one game this week, which was a loss. He hit, he fought, and, most importantly, his Corsi was great.

Bo Horvat gave everyone a scare when he missed practice this week, but he is mump-free for now. He scored the coolest goal at the Canucks Superskills event.

Alex Edler also doesn’t have the mumps and also scored a super sick goal at Superskills. Unfortunately, he is currently the Canucks’ only uninfected legitimate NHL defenseman, so he is probably very tired.

Evan McEnemy’s name is a tongue twister. He made his NHL debut on Saturday night and loved it, despite the loss. I’m happy for you, Evan.

Another guy benefiting from the mumps situation is Alex Grenier, who was called up in time to win the hardest shot competition at Superskills. Like a vintage Shea Weber.

Jayson Megna has gone from “his name is Magma?” to “that guy who once called the Sedins ‘sisters’ on Twitter” to “oh my god he’s on the powerplay?” to “actually one of the more recognizable names on this roster”. Now, he can add “fastest skater on the Canucks” to that list. It’s been a roller coaster ride, Jayson.

He’s a little slower, yes, but Daniel Sedin is still Daniel Sedin.

Henrik Sedin continues his quest to become the most impressive redhead in hockey history.

It doesn’t look like Saturday was Alexandre Burrows’ last game as a Vancouver Canuck, but if it was, he got to spend it thriving with the Sedin twins. There’s something in my eye.

Jannik Hansen is another Canuck who might have played his last game as a Canuck. It doesn’t look like a move to Florida will happen, but how poetic would this be? Dransen forever.

Miller, too, is appearing less and less tradeable, but if these are his last few days as a Canuck, at least he’s having fun

Jacob Markstrom didn’t play this week, except at Superskills, though that didn’t necessarily entail a lot of action.

Philip Larsen does not have the mumps but the mumps are giving him a chance to play!

Brandon Sutter does not have the mumps but this is the second time he’s been on the team at the centre of a mumps fiasco. Figure it out, Brandon.

These two are having a great time despite all the mumps!

Reid Boucher has not contracted the mumps and is trying to make the most of the opportunity that the decimated roster has given him.

Loui Eriksson doesn’t have the mumps but he might as well have the mumps because where is this guy?

I don’t think that Alex Biega has the mumps.

As far as we know, the IR guys have all safely avoided the mumps. Except for Anton Rodin, who is cursed, probably.

Troy Stecher was the first Canuck with a confirmed case of the mumps, but he’s ready to return to action on Tuesday with only a slightly swollen neck.

Chris Tanev no longer has the mumps but he did have the mumps at some point.

Apparently, Luca Sbisa has the “stomach flu” and not the mumps, but he definitely tempted fate last year during a game of Heads Up. Also, he probably has the mumps.

All of these guys definitely have the mumps and in all likelihood will pass the mumps on to other guys on the team.