It’s another instalment of my regular feature of venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and other happenings around the NHL. Two things about this feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every week, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.
This week, I hate a contract extension that is anything but Megna-ficent, a department short on balls, and going deep with the Sharks.
You know what I hate?! Jayson Megna’s contract extension. He is a black hole for offence. He’s 27-years-old. He somehow earned Willie’s trust enough to out him on a line with the Sedins. Fans have been decrying his deployment all year, and how he is in the roster over and above the actual youngsters. So at least Canucks fans knew that this was going to be a one-year experiment. NOT SO FAST. Instead, Benning and company signed Megna to a one-year, ONE-WAY, contract extension. There were some fans giving a backhanded defense of this signing by stating that this allows the Canucks to expose Megna to the expansion draft. Ok, let’s get two things straight. 1. The Canucks did not NEED to sign Megna for expansion draft coverage. They were already fine with the number of contracts they could expose. 2. No right-minded GM is taking Megna in an expansion draft. It’s not happening. George MacPhee is a decently smart General Manager. Canucks fans, we’re stuck with Megna for another year, and it just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
You know what I hate?! Hitching my wagon to the San Jose Sharks. There really is a lot to love about the San Jose Sharks, if you’re a Canucks fan. They’re perennially labeled with the”chokers” tag. Canucks fans should empathize with this from the lengthy battles with the Blackhawks in recent history. The Sharks have some of the funnest characters in all of hockey in Joe Thornton and Brent Burns. Plus how can you not love Patrick Marleau. They also have North Vancouver’s own Martin Jones in net. And, of course, there is Jannik Hansen. Of course, the Jannik Hansen trade is the whole reason why I’m hitching my wagon to the Sharks in the first place. If you recall, the Canucks acquired a conditional draft pick along with Nikolai Goldobin in exchange for Hansen. You may also recall that the pick becomes the Sharks’ first round choice if San Jose wins the Stanley Cup this year. We have all the reasons in the world to cheer on the Sharks to their first Cup. But… it won’t happen because we aren’t lucky enough to see Thornton, Burns, and Marleau lift a Cup. We aren’t lucky enough for the Sharks to not choke their way out of the playoffs again. We’re all going to get our hopes up briefly for nothing… again.
You know what I hate?! The Department of Player Safety. Admittedly it is very hard to hate something which I cannot understand. And I cannot understand the Department of Player Safety. More specifically, I cannot explain the purely abstract methodology they use to attribute and determine supplemental discipline. I’d have better luck trying to explain string theory to my 8 year old daughter and have her write a comprehensive dissertation on the matter. The Department of Player Safety is Heath Ledger’s Joker. It is an agent of chaos. There is no explanation or justification that I could ever hear that would rationalize a mere two-game suspension for Brad Marchand. He’s a repeat offender, with a recent history of suspension. It is flat-out illogical to give him less than a minimum of 5 games. But that crazy DOPS wheel landed on “2”, so they just accepted it and phoned ol’ Brad with the good news. Marchand won’t miss a single playoff game. That is, until his next suspension-worthy discretion. But that will probably be overlooked, too.
You know what I hate?! The majority of Canucks fans will still be cheering for a Canucks win tonight. It makes no sense. It is nonsense. These fans will be cheering against their own best interests now. Tonight, of all nights, is a night for every single Canucks fans to be #teamtank. With aanucks win, they will be guaranteed to finish no lower than 28th (3rd last) and thereby worsening their lottery odds. A loss tonight keeps them in the hunt for 29th and therefore a better percentage in the draft lottery. Simple. The Canucks gain nothing positive from winning now, especially against the Coyotes. Stop trying to convince yourself that winning is helping right now. It’s not. It’s not teaching the kids on the team. Every player on this team has won and lost before. There is no psychological gain in winning now. They can only benefit the team in the immediate future by losing tonight. Is Ryan Miller chasing some amazing milestone? Are the Sedins in simultaneous races for the Hart and Art Ross? Do they have 6 Norris candidates (will they ever have one worthy candidate)?? Nooooooooo. If you love your Canucks, then you want what’s best for them. What’s best for them is the best possible lottery odds, and that can only happen if they lose to the Coyotes tonight. So, come with me Canucks fans and cheer on your Arizona Coyotes.