NHL All-Star Game Power Rankings

The Canucks played one game this week (it was a loss) and no one cares how Alex Burrows and Matt Bartkowski spent their All-Star Breaks, so this week’s power rankings are about the things that do matter. I present to you the 2016 NHL All-Star Game Power rankings!

1. John Scott:

The best thing about the All-Star game was John Scott and it wasn’t close. The weekend was a very nicely written Disney movie – it was obnoxiously sweet, the good guys won, and everyone was friends at the end – but it wasn’t forced. Sure, every player there wanted Scott to do well, but no one was letting him walk by them. His goals weren’t scored solely because of his superior teammates and, even more importantly, they weren’t scored because the opposition wanted him to get one. The John Scott did not look out of place in a tournament that saw the superstars actually trying to win – the final game ended 1-0!

The league could have bought in completely and made him an option for the MVP vote, but his win via write-in fan votes was so much better. 

John Scott went from underdog to outcast to participant to hero. No one would have been upset if he had coasted through the games, trying his best to keep up. Instead, he blew everyone away. He had every hockey fan on his side, cheering for a guy whose role in the game is quickly disappearing. The Nashville crowd wanted their division’s team to be led by Shea Weber, not by their biggest rival’s most hateable player. So when John Scott laughed as Patrick Kane was met with boos, and when he hit Kane – an actual, unstaged, hard hit in an All-Star game – hearts all over Music City were won.

Sports are often a reminder that skill is more important to success than disposition. John Scott is not very good at hockey, but fans voted him into the All-Star game and he deserved the chance to play. In the end, Scott’s disposition, his willingness to do his best and have fun during a game that’s all about fun was what made the weekend such a success.  

His daughters looked pretty proud of their dad. 

2. Baby Sharks:

Nathan Pavelski and Jagger Burns were the superstars of the Skills Competition. These two outdid their fathers and most of their fathers’ friends in the always ridiculous Breakaway Challenge. Nathan pulled this off despite suffering an injury as a result of a heroic defensive play earlier that day. Kids are great. 

3. PK Subban:

Also great – PK Subban. Subban is the life of every party that the league throws and this weekend was no exception. His Jagr wig didn’t come close to stealing the show from John Scott, but it was as close as any of his peers would get. 

Plus, this is just the best:

4. Brent Burns:

Brent Burns as Chewbacca the Wookiee was the best conclusion to the “What will Brent Burns do with his face next?” saga. 

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5. Jaromir Jagr:

Despite insisting that the 3-on-3 format would end his life, Jagr was a treat all weekend, scoring a goal and joining in on the John Scott cheerleading antics. He loved Subban’s costume, too. 

6. Daniel Sedin and his kids:

There can never just one Sedin, it isn’t right. Without the usual family member present, Daniel spent almost the entire Skills Competition hanging out with some mini-Sedins. 

But during the actual All-Star tournament, Daniel was focused, – he scored twice, picked up two assists, and went home with a big chunk of money to donate. 

7. @strombone1:

As usual, Twitter user @strombone1 was on top of his Twitter game (as well as his hockey game). He weighed in on Jagr’s age, Bergeron’s backchecking, and the Stamkos contract situation. Always fun. 

8. Shea Weber:

It was nice for Shea Weber that Zdeno Chara was not in attendance this year because he got to win the hardest shot competition in front of all of his fans. He didn’t break Chara’s record, though, even though fans insisted that he be given another chance to do so. 

9. Dylan Larkin:

It’s always cool when records are set! Dylan Larkin broke Mike Gartner’s record for fastest full lap of the rink. This quote is not real but I wish it was real: 

10. Hockey fans:

Hockey fans are sometimes the worst but this weekend they were the best! John Scott’s MVP title came from write-in votes. The support for Scott was so overwhelming that even teams and players got in on it: 

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11. Brandon Saad’s face:

I don’t think Brandon Saad did anything of note this weekend except this:

12. Aaron Ekblad & the mystery that surrounds him:

This young man is so confusing. He looks like a 45-year-old father of three but his twentieth birthday is next week. And no one has provided a legitimate explanation for the Panthers devotion to their #SpaceyInSpace apparel. The most confusing teen. 

13. Country music:

For hockey fans who love country music, this weekend was probably an absolute blast. For hockey fans who are more or less indifferent towards country music, this weekend consisted of a lot of confusion whenever a name like Dirk Samson or Tim Brock was met with a standing ovation. Jennifer Nettles wore some killer pants, though.

14. The cheese fountain:

As we draw away from the best parts of the All-Star weekend, we have to address the cascading fountain of Velveeta cheese that was featured. I don’t really have anything to say about this, but the fact that it’s a real thing is weird. 

15. Cory Schneider and Roberto Luongo teaming up to make us all sad:

Not to make everything about how miserable life can be for Canucks fans, but seeing Luongo and Schneider fight for the net just like old times was a little rough. 

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16. The Sportsnet Camera team:

The number of breakaways and scoring changes that the cameras cut away from was unbelievable. 

17. Gary & co.:

The NHL did not intend for this weekend to go down the way it did so they don’t deserve credit for a lot of the fun that was had. 

18. Future All Star Games:

Because nothing will ever top this. Disney should be all over this. 



  • Charlie Allnut

    Always the worst time of the season. The All-Snore Break. So boring waiting for it to end, the Mojave of hockey news. Pathetic that the Scott story was the only drink. Cmon. There is no real story here, it’s all fabricated nonsense. But it is true that Scott will never beat up anyone who was there with him at the all-snores.

    • Andy

      If you don’t feel the last of the Goons playing in the All-Star Game despite the persistent efforts of the ‘evil’ NHL is a decent story, I can’t help you.

      Thanks for the summary, Grainne! a great recap to an unexpectedly enjoyable weekend!

  • Andy

    Inspired to post, solely based on the name of the blog…”Canucks Army.”

    It reminded me of the U.S.’s invasion of “Grenada” many years ago.

    Picture it this way…..the Canucks are “Grenada”, and sub the U.S. for the NHL.

    Umm…overpowered.