You Know What I Hate?! – March 19th

This zombie is angry. And so am I.  She’s probably pissed off because
someone ruined the ending of the show while she read about it on Twitter.
Because zombies are complete idiots.
(Photo courtesy AMC/The Walking Dead)

Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday (this week, Tuesday!), and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.

This week, I slag on the focus on useless stats, trolling your team’s favourite players and bitching about spoilers.

You know what I hate?! Not knowing why Manny Malhotra took two games off for personal reasons. I know his reasons are private, but I am an incredibly nosy person and I demand to know absolutely everything about every hockey player on my favourite team, including all of the sordid details of their personal lives that are none of my business whatsoever. Yep, I’m a nosy, petty little man. Oh wait… Nope. I don’t give a sh*t and neither should you.

You know what I hate?! The media focusing on useless statistics like +/- and blocked shots. Largely the MSM have come around to ignoring +/- as a useful stat, but there are still some that quote it like it’s some sort of valid representation of a player’s usefulness, especially on a game-by-game basis. During the Vancouver/Columbus game, Ben Kuzma tweeted about the number of shots that the Blue Jackets had blocked against the Canucks, in comparison to how few shots the Canucks had blocked. In other words, in his opinion, the Canucks weren’t blocking enough shots. And why do you think that was, Ben? Was it because the Canucks were completely dominating play and were literally taking ALL of the shots? I like Ben, but that’s just stupid to bring that up. And he’s usually better than that. But not all MSM’ers can be warm to the idea of focusing on Corsi/Fenwick numbers. Only the good ones.

You know what I hate?! Idiots on Twitter who decide to chirp and pick fights with players. And not just any players, but players on their favourite team! On Sunday, both Kevin Connauton and Bill Sweatt had separate incidents of dealing with complete dummies who decided to bitch at them. Connauton’s idiot took time out to complain that Kevin was talking about eating McDonald’s because that’s not the type of diet that and elite athlete should follow. And Sweatt’s clown just told him he didn’t have the skills to play in the NHL. I just don’t understand the point of doing this. If you’re doing this, what’s your objective? Are you trying to make yourself feel like a bigger person, because you took a shot at someone who is quasi-famous? Do you think you know something extraordinary that they don’t? Listen, I don’t have a problem with people who have constructive, even critical, dialogue with athletes/celebrities. Hell, I’ve done it – I even accused Mike Duco of being a vampire. But if you’re going to do it – be constructive and you sure-as-sh&*t had better be correct. Make a valid point that’s pertinent to what they do. Criticizing what a guy eats? SERIOUSLY?!  Telling someone he won’t make it to the NHL? Really, dummy – Bill Sweatt played in the NHL this year!

You know what I hate?! People who complain about spoilers on Twitter. You have GOT to be kidding me. So you don’t want an upcoming episode of your favourite show ruined because you can’t watch until later. Great, I get that. I’ve been there many times. So you know what to do? YOU TURN OFF TWITTER, YA A-HOLE! What do you expect is going to happen? Do you think everyone in your timeline will just magically decide NOT talk about their favourite show because you can’t watch it right now? Are you being held captive with your phone crazy-glued to your hand with Twitter open and jammed in your face with your eyelids pinned open? Honestly, dummies, turn off your damn computers/phones and avoid it. It’s really not hard. Just DON’T look.

  • DCR

    But it’s not an unwarranted attack if it’s true!

    Mike Duco IS a Vampire!

    Chris Higgins IS a Zombie!

    And David Booth is really a Godzilla-like monster that eats gas stations! (Wonder where he gets the bread? Need a huge loaf to put a whole gas station on.)

  • DCR

    Hey Tuque, in some bizarre space/time paradigm I find myself in agreement with all four of your points, frightning really. Similar views yes, however you’re still a nosy, petty little man who doesn’t give a sh*t….and I’m not!