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If Jim Benning started the Canucks’ death by a thousand cuts era, maybe Patrik Allvin’s solution is to heal by a thousand Band-Aids?

We’re friends, right? We can be honest with each other? So I can tell you this off-season didn’t feel like it had a ton of momentum behind it aside from “it isn’t 2022”. The main selling point was “we already fired the coach we didn’t want” and “if everything goes perfectly, we should, possible, maybe, make the playoffs.”

Which to be honest, I appreciated. They didn’t stand there and claim this team was a Stanley Cup champion waiting to happen. They didn’t try and sell a vision of a team that all the heavy lifting was done. They were actually eerily self-aware in a way many sports teams aren’t, by admitting things needed to go their way for this team to make the playoffs. It’s like a dating app profile proudly proclaiming they may not be much to look at, but they keep a clean apartment, and are reliable as it gets. There’s an appeal to someone just stating their truth.

And let’s toss another caveat on the fire while we’re at it, one game does not a season make. If the Canucks had lost 8-1 in the season opener, I would have been the first guy to tell everyone to relax and calm down, because it’s just one game, you can’t get too caught up in just one result.

That being said, the Canucks can plan the parade, right? Because it felt like every single player had a moment for the Canucks on Wednesday night.

In fact, the worst part about the game is the mere fact that Elias Pettersson is probably going to make an incredible amount of money this off-season. The fact the JT Miller wars (fans arguing just how good is he, really) aren’t going away anytime soon. That Hronek might be in line for a raise.

In other words, those are some solid champagne problems.

Look, let’s head back to reality and accept this was just one game. But for one game, role players like Sam Lafferty and Phil Di Giuseppe looked like a firm step above the revolving door of AHL players that have formed the Canucks bottom six over the last decade.

For one game, Fil Hronek looked every single bit the reliable puck moving right handed defenceman the Canucks have been searching for for years.

For one game, Brock Boeser finally found his rookie year form that everyone has been waiting to see if he could get back, putting all the trials and tribulations he’s been through behind him.

For one game, Thatcher Demko looked like the possible Vezina candidate everyone thought he’d be last year.

For one game, Rick Tocchet’s talk about playing North/South hockey, being tough on the puck, and out-working the other team, ACTUALLY WORKED.

Yes for one glorious night, everything aligned for the Vancouver Canucks.

Obviously there’s a long season ahead. We’re not new to this, a 20 game losing streak is not something that would shock this fan base. I can safely say everyone has the proper expectations about this season ahead of them.

But if this team can play this hard, and this organized and have more nights like this?

That will sell the fan base more than any awkwardly built bar right beside the players tunnel entrance ever could.

Game one is done, let’s make some gif money, shall we?

Best squad goals

my goal is to read every stanchies this season, it’s only right

— coder (@humesy0) October 11, 2023

Be like Humesy. Follow the ABC rule.

Always.

Be.

Caught reading the Stanchies.

Best pre-game cap crunch

Sounds like four #NHL teams are playing one man short on Opening Night because of salary cap constraints:#LAKings, #Sens, #Canucks and #Oilers

Early indication is both VAN and EDM are going head-to-head with 11F/6D.

Subject to last minute changes, of course.

— Frank Seravalli (@frank_seravalli) October 11, 2023

You know who didn’t care the team was down a forward due to cap issues? Jimothy Timothy Miller before the game.

“That doesn’t change anything for me personally. Next man up mentality. Someone’s got to step up and play a couple more minutes here and there. And, you know, we have total faith in our group and everything we’ve been practicing and training for, you know, it shouldn’t matter.”

And to Miller’s credit, boy did the team back that talk up Wednesday night.

And you know what, I like the dynamic of leadership forming from Quinn Hughes and JT Miller.

Quinn Hughes comes from the Henrik Sedin side of things, where he seems very measured and calm, leading by example and when he does speak up, people listen.

JT Miller is your frat bro who you know will always be there for you if you need him, but he’s going to backhand you in the nuts at least once, and then make fun of you in front of whomever you’re dating.

But he also owns a truck and will help you move without complaining. As long as you pay him in beer.

He’ll also tell you hard truths some people might be afraid to tell you, but he also sometimes gets too political for your tastes during family BBQs.

It’s a complicated style of leadership.

Both can be very valuable additions.

Best drama free since 2023

Marek on Pettersson:

"At times we've heard some people in the organization haven't exactly been the biggest fans."

(Halford & Brough)

— Taj (@taj1944) October 11, 2023

I've been told Garland asked for trade in summer. Vancouver tried to move him, but no takers yet. It went public today, but Canucks have been trying to appease his trade request for a few months. With a $4.95m cap hit and so few teams with cap space, it is hard trade to make.

— Jason Gregor (@JasonGregor) October 10, 2023

Before we get to the game, we have to acknowledge the Elias Pettersson and Conor Garland situations.

You see, much was made about about the lack of drama heading into this season compared to the year of 2022. Something about heading into last season with a coach you’re clearly waiting to fire just kind of set an odd tone to operate under. It’s like announcing to your kids on Christmas that you’re not getting a divorce until AFTER the presents are opened, now hurry up and finish your turkey dinner before it gets cold.

As a result, the lead up to this season felt downright delightful due to the lack of firings and controversy. But two things are always inevitable in Vancouver: posts about tiny apartments costing $2000 a month to live in, and Canucks hockey always having a bit of that Jersey Shore in them.

Now to be fair, the Elias Pettersson contract situation isn’t a big fire just quite yet. But if you’re sitting down for your morning coffee it’s still alarming to detect the hint of smoke wafting towards your couch. Having your top forward playing without a long term contract is something that should make fans nervous, because we as humans should always fear the unknown.

It also feels like Matty Tkachuk set the blueprint for finding your way to greener pastures as of late, so it’s not hard to imagine a scenario in which EP40 could force his way out of town should he want to, filming Audi commercials for Detroit, while he lists off a bunch of things he’s a fan of.

So until this situation resolves itself, we know how this will play out. Elias will be asked questions about his future here, he will say he doesn’t want to talk about it and just wants to focus on the season at hand, everyone will wink at each other and say “ok sounds good!” before promptly asking him about it every single day. Forever. Until the end of time.

Conor Garland is in a similar situation in which he will be asked about his trade demands, he will say he’s going to let his agent take care of all of that and he’s just going to focus on hockey, everyone will wink at each other and say “ok sounds good!” before promptly asking him about it. Every single day. Forever.

Until the end of time.

Add it all up and yes, that is a solid bit of drama surrounding the team heading into the season. Garland’s agent getting permission to seek out a trade isn’t the biggest ripple in the ocean (that’s not a size joke, I swear), but Elias Pettersson’s contract situation, that is indeed a massive story that will be floating just under the surface of the season, poking it’s head up constantly, until it’s resolved.

Pavel Bure demanding a trade out of town was a big moment in time for this franchise, but that happened before social media. The noise surrounding the team was contained to newspapers, call in radio shows, and Red Robin happy hour. If Elias Pettersson ends up leaving this team, the manner in which he goes and the return netted for him is going to impact this city for years to come, as social media never lets anything die.

Which is to say, Patrik Allvin has his work cut out for him because that one decision will impact his time in Vancouver forever.

No pressure or anything, though.

All of which reminds me of my Tanner Glass theorem, which states you aren’t a Stanley Cup contender until the biggest drama surrounding your team is Tanner Glass.

If your team is elite and is playing at such a high level that the only controversy to be found is the fan base endlessly debating a trade that might upgrade Tanner Glass’s spot on the fourth line? That’s a Stanley Cup contending team.

Until then, the Canucks have work to do.

Best hand off

#Canucks📷 introduce Henrik Sedin, Trevor Linden, recently retired club legend Stan Smyl and Orland Kurtenbach as part of a ceremony introducing Quinn Hughes formally as the club's captain.

It's a Canucks Captain Cotillion.

— Thomas Drance (@ThomasDrance) October 12, 2023

Stan Smyl, Orland Kurtenbach, Henrik Sedin and Trevor Linden were all on hand to oversee the official coronation of the Quinn Hughes era.

The good news is that Quinn Hughes didn’t take any unofficially retired jersey numbers or become best friends with Mike Keenan, so he’s already off to a better start than Mark.

Also noted good guy Hank Sedin is of course the first one to hold Quinn’s equipment for him.

Best Oiled up offence

Quick early reminders – McDavid: STILL FAST
Draisaitl – a house on skates

— Bik Nizzar (@BikNizzar) October 12, 2023

Much like the Microsoft Zune, what started off looking like a promising start, ended up in a long drawn out failure for the Edmonton Oilers.

To the Oilers credit, they came out looking to set the physical tone, led by none other than Connor McDavid who not only landed a big hit on Hronek, but then did the “oh whoops I fell down trying to get up” bonus punch to the back of the head:

Then we had Vincent Desharnais and Dakota Joshua fight on the undercard, ahead of the main event fight booked later for a couple of fans in the crowd:

Vinny got the take down, but he was the only one of the two who got cut, and since this was fought under First Blood rules, the WWE has declared Joshua the winner of the contest.

Best hiding in plain sight

Juulsen is a horrid skater. He’s really our 6th best option? Or is that a cap decision too 🙃 #Canucks

— JT in the Wack (@jt_wack) October 12, 2023

I will say that in an 8-1 win in which one team dominates the other, it’s hard to point out a ton of criticisms of the victorious team.

One, because the Oilers offered up about as much resistance as the Romans during the Battle of Cannae.

Two, because in an 8-1 win when you point out the worst player of the bunch, sometimes people yell at you in the comment section and type in all caps telling you to leave these young men alone.

With that said, I am far from sold on a Noah Juulsen and Akita Highrose pairing. Both ended up at the bottom of the ranks in Corsi and in GF on the night%, and both had moments where they struggled.

Obviously Soucy’s eventual return to the lineup will balance things out to an extent, but the right side of the defence remains a concern.

Juulsen’s foot speed wasn’t great on this play in the first period where Brett Kulak beats him in a foot race and ends up getting a high danger shot off on Thatcher Demko:

With Tyler Myer’s future with Vancouver beyond this season very much in doubt, the depth on the right side is going to be a giant question mark moving forward.

Unless the Crime Dog Cole McWard blows everyone away with his ability to solve murders at the blue line.

I’m still holding out for that.

Best returning characters

Ladies and gentlemen, Tyler Mynors has arrived to the 2023-24 season. #Canucks

— Stone Cold Canuck (@Canucks_316) October 12, 2023

Speaking of Tyler Myers, here he is taunting the Edmonton Oilers by giving their vaunted power play a chance to go to work:

You see a mistake made by Tyler Myers, I see a Chaos Giraffe losing a roll on a dexterity check.

Best in line for a raise

good lord, what a pass by Pettersson

— J.D. Burke (@JDylanBurke) October 12, 2023

#SellHigh

— Qing James Dynasty (@CrownRoyal22) October 12, 2023

With Conor Garland’s agent being given permission to search out a trade for his client, your eyebrow might have arched slightly as you saw number 8 pencilled into the top line beside EP40 and Andrei Kuzmenko.

Did he earn that spot with Tocchet? Do they simply want to juice Garland’s value to try and assist in getting a trade completed?

Either way, it worked in the season opener.

Just look at not only the pass from Elias Pettersson, but the deft hands from Garland to finish off the play:

We all know the story on Garland by now, he’s a very effective 5 on 5 point producer, but his size and east/west gameplay can sometimes upset coaches who prefer you’re always skating to or from Santa. It feels like he won’t be a fit for Rick Tocchet, but to be honest, nobody knows how this will play out.

At one point Brock Boeser had the same storyline where his agent was allowed to look for a trade and now fast forward to the Boeserssance of today, and that’s but a mere fleeting memory of a time long past.

And to Garland’s credit, he’s a smart player who can create chances. On this play he wheels to the wall and intercepts a clearing attempt and almost feeds Kuzmenko for the tap in:

As for Pettersson, we all know his current story arc as well. He’s the Canucks best forward and is looking for a new contract, but the rumblings are constantly telling us that EP40 might not believe in the team, or that the team might not believe in EP40. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of he said he said stories, and we’re one expiative filled mattress toss away from having a real Ronnie and Sammi moment on our hands.

But again, to both Elias and Conor’s credit, they drowned out the background noise and both had a fantastic game, including this heat seeking Darby Allin-esque missile from EP40 on Cody Ceci:

It will forever amuse me that some people wanted Cody Glass because he was taller and weighed more than Elias Pettersson.

Best my client Brock ~~Lesnar~~ Boeser

REBUILD OVAH!

— BuckFoston (@BuckFoston_) October 12, 2023

Dare I say VINTAGE Brock Boeser? What a shot to make it 2 to zip. #Canucks #LetsGoOilers

— Ben Hickman (@flowdeficient) October 12, 2023

One of the most common refrains heard at Greta YVR is usually “man, remember rookie season Brock Boeser? I miss that shot.”

And they’re not wrong, rookie season Brock Boeser was an absolute menace. He was the guy in Call of Duty who just sat back with his Kar98k on Rebirth Island dropping fools from the roof of the prison.

But along the way, the injuries and the off-ice trials mounted up, and instead of watching Brock chase down 30 goals, you found yourself wistfully talking about his shot. Wondering where it had gone, who it was hanging out with, and what it had gotten up to in life. If Brock’s rookie season shot had an instagram profile, we’d all be stalking it from afar, wondering what went wrong.

That being said, Brock’s season couldn’t have gotten off to a better start Wednesday night, starting with? You guessed it, rookie season Brock’s shot:

That’s a goal scorers goal. That’s a snipers snipe. That’s someone picking up a ground loot sniper gun and taking out the entire squad, despite Jay being on your team holding you back.

It’s also very important to note the role of Phil De Giuseppe on this play, normally seen being featured in Quadrelli’s inarticulate Italian noises memes.

His forechecking and puck pursuit on the night was one of the most noticeable takeaways, which is saying something on a night when three players had four point nights.

How good was this line tonight? There were rumblings of coming up with preliminary nicknames for the line.

That’s serious stuff.

Best calm down over there

Lafferty thinks he plays like Raffi Torres as well… nice move to the net!#Canucks #VANvsEDM

— Ken Henderson (@krusty027) October 12, 2023

Look, you can’t name drop Raffi Torres like that.

It would be like saying a commercial you saw sure reminded you of Breaking Bad. You can’t just name drop something like that.

Raffi Torres had perhaps the best one and done performances in Vancouver Canucks history, bowling over opponents, murdering the Blackhawks in a revenge series for the ages, and helping the Canucks almost win it all in 2011, before ~~disappearing into the shadows, never to be seen again to~~ signing with the Coyotes.

Now sure, did Sam Lafferty have some gumption to his game? Does he look like a jam up kind of guy like El Dandy? Of course he does.

We had several seasons of Old 18 driving hard into the zone, only to take a shot from the corner, or circle out the zone and out. This is a clear upgrade on that, and Lafferty definitely impressed a fan base that loves itself players that drive hard to the net.

But Raffi Torres, you can’t just name drop that. You have to earn it.

By being a psycho who tries to murder people with hits.

We have standards, ok?

Best Brockstar

Underrated aspect of Brock Boeser's game: winning the puck back after a shot attempt on the power play. #Canucks

— Daniel Wagner (@passittobulis) October 12, 2023

Despite Brock Boeser’s lost shot getting all of the attention over the years, something funny happened during his quest to recover it; He developed a more complete game.

We saw it last year with his playmaking skills to the tune of 37 assists.

We also saw flashes of his board work with the Lotto Line that didn’t get nearly enough credit.

But we’re also seeing him being harder on the puck and retrieving pucks that might have gone unpursued in years past:

Brock’s efforts lead to the Canucks moving the puck around and getting off two more shots, one from Hughes and one from Brock himself.

It wasn’t just the hair, or the goals, or the stick twirls Wednesday night that was impressive. It was the whole damn package.

Best not all gifs are sexy

PDG is almost letter perfect in his role so far. Nice period after a nice preseason

— Blake Price (@justBlakePrice) October 12, 2023

We really need a name for this line, because if this continues, I am going to be making half of my yearly gif money off of them:

Again, this isn’t anything complicated here. It’s simply Philly D tracking down the puck and causing turnover, which led to more shots on net.

But we all watched the last decade of hockey in Vancouver. The Canucks one constant was making life easy on their opponents by not chasing down pucks, and not getting into shooting lanes and blocking the puck. There were far too many nights when the Canucks got more passive than you on prom night, afraid to ask your crush to dance, and instead simply waiting for the night to end so you could ~~sign with the Coyotes~~ disappear into the shadows, never to be seen again.

If watching PDG gets you excited, there’s a reason for that; there simply haven’t been enough players like him on this team over the years.

There’s a reason Tyler Motte almost became a legend in this town. Puck pursuit is appreciated here more than two lanes opening up for you on the Lion’s Gate bridge.

Best at least you tried moment

You knew there'd be an "eff this" moment where an Oilers star would change the momentum of the game.

McDavid produced it in the waning moments of the first, beating J.T. Miller down ice and drawing a penalty.

Now the question is: can the #Canucks weather the storm in the 2nd?

— Thomas Drance (@ThomasDrance) October 12, 2023

Connor McDavid attempted to showcase why he’s the best player in the world, but the Canucks were constantly teaming up on him to take him out of the play, even if it meant giving him a tug (phrasing) here or there:

JT Miller took the penalty, which felt like a risk considering it gave the Oilers vaunted powerplay a chance to showcase it’s lethality in a two goal game, however…

Best shutting it down for the week

Jesus the Oilers powerplay is possibly the most stressful thing in my life#Canucks

— Charlie Cole (@ChuckThaCanuck) October 12, 2023

The Canucks penalty kill went 3/4 on the night, but even better than that, it felt less like “holy shit, how did the other team not score there??” of years past and more “wow, the Canucks looked calm in killing that off there”:

The Oilers are always going to get their chances with the extra man, but the Canucks didn’t do that thing in year’s past where they’d all line up in a row, or randomly all drift off to the side like a pack of birds migrating for the winter. They kept a remarkably clean and stable penalty kill formation and scrambled when they had to, and more importantly, killed off the penalties.

Best Brock rock

Rookie Brock #Canucks

— Kevin Starr (@kdstarr) October 12, 2023

Brock Boeser’s second goal came off of a deft deflection out of the air when a JT Miller shot popped up behind Jack Campbell, and Brock simply reached out and guided the puck into the net like a lost duckling being led to a pond:

Best all the small things

While the NHL future of Podkolzin remains a mystery, Nils Höglander is sticking around the NHL roster by doing things like this:

If there is one way to get into Rick Tocchet’s good books it’s by always asking yourself: What would Phil De Giuseppe do?

And in this case, Philly D would smother Draisatl like a pillow and almost create a breakaway the other way, which is exactly what Nils attempted to do.

I am sure we are going to see a different Oilers team Saturday, but Wednesday night, the Canucks had all the answers throughout their lineup.

Best Ali revenge tour

I told you Brock Boeser is back and tbh I don’t really wanna see any of yall who were awful to him be excited now 🤷‍♀️

— ali (@earthto_ali) October 12, 2023

Ali has constantly been telling anyone who would listen that Brock’s resurgence was coming, and if ever there was a time to take a victory lap, for at least one night, it would be now:

Brock Boeser earned that bounce for the hat trick goal, you can’t tell me otherwise. The universe owed him that one.

You’ll also notice if you take a gander at the box score that the Canucks power play went 3 for 6 on the night, and one of the main reasons was the puck movement.

The Canucks previous power play really leaned hard on going through Bo Horvat. The bumper play was all anyone could talk about, and while it was effective, when teams figured it out and shut it down, the Canucks had no answer for it. There was no creativity or puck movement, and it got to the point where Elias Pettersson, the team’s most skilled player, was a mere passenger. Not in a fun Passenger 57 way where he eventually takes down the terrorists, but in a boring economy class way where he just hoped his flight would land without incident.

This year so far, the power play’s puck movement looks incredibly dynamic. It looks creative. It looks fun.

More importantly, Elias Pettersson is getting a lot of touches on the puck.

Look, we all had fun joking about The Petterzone, where EP40 would take one timers from the right, but every team in the league had that scouted. It was no longer a viable option. He would line up for the one timers that would rarely come because a guy would be playing up high on him, while he watched the puck move around on the left side of the ice.

Watching a powerplay where EP40 floats around the zone, switching spots with Quinn Hughes and JT Miller, and has Andrei Kuzmenko and Brock Boeser swapping spots, setting screens, and giving him passing options?

That’s the good stuff.

Bad life choices

Your team just scored a hat trick goal to go up 4-0 and you take an offensive zone penalty that wasn’t even close to necessary! Ridiculous by Joshua #canucks

— Tyler Naswell (@TylerNaswell) October 12, 2023

There weren’t too many “uh oh” moments from the Canucks, but Dakota Joshua certainly had one when he took a needless penalty in the offensive zone:

That’s the kind of penalty where the coach just has to give you one knowing look and you both understand you done screwed up.

That’s the kind of penalty where you know your coach isn’t mad at you, he’s just disappointed in you.

Best inevitable conclusion

Favourite McDavid PP dish. Draw attention. Find Draisaitl for sharp-angle rocket release. 4-1. #Canucks

— Ben Kuzma 🇺🇦 (@benkuzma) October 12, 2023

The end result? Leon Draisaitl slashing at the puck, as he does, and scoring the Oilers lone goal:

I do admit, one of my favorite things to watch is Draisaitl nailing that one-timer from that absurd angle. Nobody in the league does that shot better than Leon. He’s the best Leon since the one from Raccoon city, and I mean that truly.

Best teacher’s pet

PDG and Lafferty raising the bar, which needed a lot of raising.

— The Canuck Fan (@TheCanuckFan) October 12, 2023

You know how you get the teacher to love and admire you? By drawing penalties through hard work:

Honestly, nothing gets old school coaches more excited than out-working another player and making them take a penalty on you.

It’s that, and beating out an icing call in a blowout game that gets these coaches all riled up.

Best Alien sighting

Boeser is having a game what a great screen on Skinner #canucks

— Tyler Naswell (@TylerNaswell) October 12, 2023

Elias Pettersson doesn’t need one timers to score, sometimes he just needs puck movements and tremendous screens in front of the goalie:

EP 40 with the shot so vintage it will be for sale at the flea market on Terminal Avenue on Saturday.

Brock Boeser’s screen plays a huge role in this goal, of course, which again just speaks to the fact his game is so much more complete than it was in his rookie year.

His shot is fantastic, nobody is arguing that, but when you add his shot to the complete body of work his game now has behind it?

What’s that saying again?

That’s the good stuff.

Oh and what was that about getting coaches excited about beating out an icing in a blowout game? Brock Boeser has you covered:

The Flow is back, folks.

Best summary

From what I can see we are nasty and winning the cup.

— Eddie Lack🇸🇪🇺🇸🇨🇦 (@eddielack) October 12, 2023

Remember how many times the Canucks couldn’t make a breakout to save their lives? To the point where we would all joke about Frank’s tweet about it being tight like a playoff game, because laughing away the pain was better than the sobering reality that we’re all going to die one day and this team might never win a Cup?

Well, the Canucks made the Oilers look like, well, the Canucks:

The Oilers were getting their pockets picked and just getting absolutely hammered on their breakout attempts.

Truly a thing of beauty.

Best new nickname

I’ve never said “fuckin rights” so much in my life #Canucks

— i hate this team _ 1959 (@Oldtimer591) October 12, 2023

Phil Hronek the Serenity Gazelle? Twitter user Groovypippin might be on to something here.

For my Overwatch friends, Tyler Myers is Moira, and Hronek is Zenyatta. While Tyler Myers is out there, doing damage when he’s supposed to be healing, and healing when he’s supposed to be doing damage, Hronek calmly slides in and whispers “ready for transcendence” and heals everything around him.

While occasionally throwing his balls at people.

Ok wait, there’s context for this-

Best tag team

@CodySevertson pic.twitter.com/on18DZLHOF

— Trent Leith 🏳️‍🌈 (@trentl14) October 12, 2023

EP40 just staring down a management that might or might not be “sure” of him was quite the visual.

Best case of the sads

Could this play by play team be any more depressing with the #Canucks ahead in the 3rd?

Fml

— Milz (@Milzz89) October 12, 2023

While Louie DeBrusk and Harnarayan Singh came to terms with a crushing loss, the Canucks kept on trucking along.

You want The Kuzmenkshow wheeling and dealing, spinning and winning, as he sets up EP40 for a one timer? I got you covered:

What about Thatcher Demko making saves look so easy that even Eddie Lack was tempted to come out of retirement?

We got you covered.

And remember, every gif puts money in my pocket. Quadrelli is contractually obligated to pay me per gif.

Best cock trick

Boeser is on pace for 328 goals this season I say he does it. #Canucks

— Ray Hatt (@Raymond_Hatt) October 12, 2023

“I’d have my **** out if I scored four goals. I’d have my **** out, stroking it.” Joe Thornton, October 10th, 2013.

I have to imagine Botch is looking down absolutely beaming over the fact the cock trick has entered the hockey lexicon, and that Brock got the dick trick in the 2023 Canucks season opener.

This time it was a simple tap in, but it highlights two things.

One, Brock Boeser is getting better and better at sneakily sliding into dangerous spots, something Don Cherry always hammered home about Brett Hull before screaming someone xenophobic.

Two, Quinn Hughes appears to have made “shoot the puck at all times” part of his captaincy rules.

He didn’t quite match Boeser’s eight shots on the night, but his three shots led the defence, and led to an assist on Brock’s fourth goal.

If there was one thing the Canucks didn’t look like on the night, it would be passive. This was one of the most activated Canucks teams we’ve seen in a long time.

Best of the dirty boys

Cue Debrusk “If there’s any team that can come back from down 6….” #Canucks

— The Crushers!!! (@SapphosCrushers) October 12, 2023

Because the Oilers don’t like losing and resort to stick work when such losing occurs, it was not too surprising to see Draisaitl go full lumberjack on an exasperated Elias Pettersson:

In year’s past the Canucks might have let their foot go off the pedal, but not Wednesday night, oh no, on Wednesday night JT Miller took October seriously and treated the Oilers like a Vampire that needed to be put down for the count:

Again Brock Boeser sets up a perfect screen, and even though he only got four goals on the night, he was instrumental in six goals basically.

This was the best game of Brock Boeser’s NHL career.

Best of the dirty boys part 2

Dirtyoilers at it again! #Canucks

— JrTiger23🇹🇼 (@jrtiger23) October 12, 2023

Much like someone who rage quits video games and ends up on YouTube smashing their keyboard and screaming at their dirty laundry pile, McDavid and Draisaitl took turns taking penalties for stick work.

First was McDavid trying to cross-check Hronek:

Then Draisaitl slashing Ian Cole:

Fun fact, on the broadcast, Louie DeBrusk did his best to say maybe Leon was going for the puck, before kind of laughing gently to himself and giving in to the idea that there might be the tiniest, smallest chance that Draisaitl might have been slashing there.

Best sour milk

Oh god please let it be a Luongo 2007 playoffs moment #Canucks

— Kyle (@canuckscapmess) October 12, 2023

During the third period, Thatcher Demko was seen racing to the bench and trotting down the hallway.

Because this is Vancouver, we assume any non injury related goalie emergency is poop based, because Roberto Luongo showed us the way.

If you asked Connor McDavid, he found it…interesting.

“They were a few decisions in the third period that I thought were interesting. Throwing the back up goalie in with 10 minutes left, I have not seen that. It’s not like DeSmith is an EBUG or anything like that. I thought that was interesting.”

Interesting is doing a lot of heavy work for his snark there, but it turns out that the Canuck fan base wasn’t too far off with it’s Luongo poop theory. They just got the wrong hole involved.

Rick Tocchet cleared it all up after the game.

“[Demko] didn’t really want to come out and then he puked in his mask and I said, ‘you’ve got to come out’”

And I do have to agree, that is very interesting. Just not in the way McDavid found it interesting.

It’s not quite the Michael Jordan flu game, but it’s still a solid story that, if Luongo taught us anything, will now live on in Vancouver sports lore forever.

When a goalie races off, the question will now be “Did he pull a Luongo or a Demko??”

Best bake ’em away, toys.

Edmonton 8-1ers

— Daniel Wagner (@passittobulis) October 12, 2023

Sam Lafferty really wants you to know he’s here to play:

You know, there’s a price to pay.

Time for you to get down on your knees and pray.

Lafferty came to play. Say goodbye to the old day.

They’re never coming back, watch your future fade.

Lafferty came to play. He came to play, to get his dues paid.

I guess you had a dream, but it can’t be saved.

Lafferty came to play. He’s here to stay, best get out of his way.

Best return to the DAWG pound

Top DAWG is Brock Boeser with a 91.12 DAWG Rating.

J.T. Miller comes in second with a 88.98.

Sam Lafferty has a strong debut with the DAWG Rating, holding a 85.35 rating.

No bottom-DAWG today.

— 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀 Faber 🔥🎙 (@ChrisFaber39) October 12, 2023

Chris Faber returns with his DAWG ratings this season!

You might remember they tailed off last season, mostly because it’s very depressing to extoll the virtue of the DAWGs on the team when they’re losing 5-0 and about to miss the playoffs.

But if ever there was a night for DAWGs, it was Wednesday.

I will admit, I do miss seeing OEL at the bottom of the DAWG list week in and week out.

Best main event

There's a scrap going on in the lower bowl of Rogers Arena involving a #Canucks and Oilers fan

— Harman Dayal (@harmandayal2) October 12, 2023

big fight at canucks game pic.twitter.com/Lg5NPjRmy4

— Lorenzo (@Lorenzo82183967) October 12, 2023

According to reports, a guy in a Bertuzzi jersey did the most damage (checks out) and the McDavid fan was, as one person put it, McDrinky Drink all night long.

Best Elon Musk moment

NHL → Minor
Vasily Podkolzin (RW, LW) | VAN#Canucks https://t.co/iDNE1T6sdv

— CapFriendly Transactions (@CF_Transactions) October 11, 2023

Concerning.

Perhaps Podkolzin gets a year in the AHL and absolutely dominates and enters next season ready to conquer the NHL.

Perhaps Podkolzin gets top 6 minutes in the AHL and is first on the spot for an injury call up during the season, and impresses everyone with the improvements to his game.

Or perhaps Podkolzin never finds that NHL gear and he follows the Gilbert Brule career path.

Right now it’s honestly really hard to get a gauge on Podkolzin, and what his career arc is going to be, but I think it’s fair to say there haven’t been enough promising signs for someone picked 10th overall, heading into their third year of professional hockey.

One of the best part about sports, however? Is when a player people counted out ends up having a successful career and then they can throw it in the faces of the people who doubted them, making them look like big stupid dummies.

Make me look like a big stupid dummy, Vasili.

Please.

I know I do enough of that on my own, but I need some help once in a while.

Best strip club chic

Pre-game warmup view from our brand new WELL Health President’s Club! pic.twitter.com/IvsC9iXQYX

— Vancouver Canucks (@Canucks) October 12, 2023

We’re one Duke Nukem emote away from a situation here.

Best new slogan

Let’s face it, “ We’re fucked” was getting old

— Nucklehead17 (@Rgm5px7s7wRick) October 11, 2023

It’s better than “Compete is in our nature” at least? I assume this one narrowly beat out “Score some goals!” and “Let’s go hockey!”

And I mean, sure, it feels like dialogue from the first run through of the Final Fantasy III Japanese-to-English translation where Kefka implores Cyan to end the blockade, and it’s written in what some have suggested is, and I need to frame this politely to get around Quadrelli’s editing hand…adult oriented bodily fluid font…but it could have been worse?

Which to this day, I still insist is the correct slogan to run with.

“It could be worse?”

Because then when things DO get worse, you sit back and reflect upon the slogan and go “you know what, they warned us it could be worse.”

You know it feels right.

Best toilet humor ender

What do you say to a photo-bombing toilet?

Urinal the photos.

Best jersey Botch

It’s a sign: Erik Gudbranson is coming home, @TheStanchion. #Canucks #CBJ pic.twitter.com/9cHuptt1mw

— Grady Sas (@GradySas) October 12, 2023

First game of the season and already a new jersey for @TheStanchion pic.twitter.com/h8mGx9ubsk

— Lisa 🎷🐬 🏳️‍🌈 (@justforspourts) October 12, 2023

Best remembering our friend

not sure if by design or the stars simply aligned, but sitting in Seat 65 tonight for #Canucks opener. Same seat Botch occupied for years. It’s good to be back and I’m thinking of him tonight pic.twitter.com/nUo4ZmVlZH

— Jeff Paterson (@patersonjeff) October 12, 2023

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