courtesy of torontosun.com
Some of you may have read the article “10 Signs you’re a basic bro” and maybe it resonated a little too much with how basic you really are. The definition of a basic bro on Urban Dictionary is ” Exceedingly ordinary male“. So if you are that basic and a Canucks fan, you probably clued completely out about how basic you are as a Canucks fan. I could go on with a Top 10 reasons you are a “Basic Canuck” but quite frankly I’d go stir-crazy containing it to that.
All of Twitter and Facebook, water cooler chats, the line at your local Starbucks, and yes, even your buds talk about the Canucks. We get into the reasons we should be running the team, who should be starting and who the team should call up, because quite frankly, we know our team better than the guys that get paid a ridiculous amount of money to run it do.
But do we really know more than them or is our basic, menial attempts at stats, team history and understanding of the CBA a sham? The comments never end “They need to start Schneider, Luca Sbisa is awful, YA LUCA SBISA IS AWFUL, Valeri Nichuskin should be a Canuck or why did they waive Frankie Corrado?” It’s so basic.
The definition of a basic Canuck should be as follows ” a predictable argument waiting to happen; an opinion waiting to be forcibly agreed upon”.
OK, this might be a feeble attempt at defining a basic Canucks fan but quite frankly, I’m not wrong here. Look at my freaking screen name! ALWAYS90FOUR? I don’t see myself giving up that battle anytime soon. It’s pathetic really. 1994? Are we not over that yet, is this who we want to be defined as?
There isn’t really one definition but here are a few that were floated out there in the twittersphere:
One of the lines in the “10 signs you’re a basic bro” is that you love Sublime. I can speak for a few of my friends that absolutely LOVE Sublime. I never got it. Karaoke night? You guessed it “Santeria”. Now I wasn’t a ska type dude; in high school I was rock, techno and when it became cool, 70’s thru 90’s classic rock.
A basic Canuck is obsessed with the goal song, the warm up music and, of course, the skate out song. We ruined it. We went so far to the left that we aren’t even liberal about this choice anymore. We asked for our personalized songs and we got em “18 individual goal songs”. WOW! We went so basic we screwed up any chance our kids will care about something we used to cherish.
The U2 angle? “Where the Streets Have No Name” is an amazing song, it became more amazing when the Canucks skated out to it every game and it became the soundtrack to our lives bringing unadulterated emotion to the surface when the playoffs begin and we wave our towels in unison. Now? We complained so much that it wasn’t (insert hipster choice here) that we lost the good thing we had. Shame on you basic Canucks.
When Vancouver traded Ryan Kesler for Nick Bonino and Luca Sbisa we figured, hey it’s not the worst and we can start fresh. Then Sbisa started doing things that made us angry, embarrassed and we twittered. Some began to internet-hate him, came up with insulting nicknames, and just beat and beat and beat a dead horse.
The guy had a bad go, no doubt, but being paired with the aging liability Kevin Bieksa did not help. This year, he’s paired with rookie sensation Ben Hutton and you know what, I kinda miss him now that he’s injured. He’s not a top defender and shouldn’t be touted as such but seriously if I’ve heard “Luca Sbisa is awful” once, I’ve heard it 2 million times.
We get it.
If you take away his contract status, how do you really view him? Like any ridiculous contract, there are two sides: the guy signing it who likes money and the guy giving it away. You personally are always the guy liking money. So are you really so basic that you tow the anti-company line and pile on with your 2 cents about why Luca Sbisa sucks? You ARE that basic, face it.
No one cares that you threw your BIC lighter on the giant bonfire comment section, so stop being a basic Canuck already.
Armchair GM’s, you’re basic too! We watch the same games the coaches and management do. They’re never going to ask you what you think or how they should run the team. We continue to think our way is going to happen and the team will magically turn around. Basic thinking like that is why the Canucks haven’t won a Cup. Yep, you’re the reason.
Tell us again why your pick to get called up is the right choice?
Shea Weber’s a UFA? Milan Lucic?” (insert BC born superstar) is available, he totally should play for Vancouver, I mean why wouldn’t he?” Basic Canuck thinking here. Every time someone comes up Canucks fans feel that guy would be perfect for the team or that we have a realistic shot at landing him. It’s become so predictable that it’s sad. It’s not 2011 anymore, and even if it was, maybe not everyone would like to play in a market that will crap down their throat the second they have a bad shift.
Show me a more basic Canuck scenario? That one sticks out for me.
Do you wish the Canucks switched their jerseys back to the skate or the stick or heaven forbid the V? You wear your basic Canuck jersey choice with pride. We have so many jerseys to choose from we can’t unify to like even one. You still complain that the orca isn’t a Canuck when, in fact, it’s the longest tenured logo the team has had. It’s seen one color change and they added the city name above it in case we forgot where they played.
The orca is genuinely west coast and it makes the MOST sense of anything the team has ever worn. They can’t wear tears because the Oilers already copyrighted that look. Let’s all embrace the colors that fit better than anything else they’ve worn and agree that blue is the Canucks main color of choice. I love retro like everyone else but when you go to Rogers Arena and see 8 different types of Canucks jerseys it just shows why we’ve never won a Cup: no consistency, I mean what are we?
We’ve embraced our basic Canuck-ness so much that the ultimate basic Canuck attribute is the players we love. Trevor Linden. He’s our hero, he ALMOST won a Stanley Cup as our captain. He taught the Sedins how to NHL, he ended the lockout and now he runs the club. But is Linden heralding so basic we don’t even recognize it? We slagged Pavel Bure because he wouldn’t stay (thanks, Mess) and we slagged Luongo because he made too much money and we don’t have enough time to get into the many players we’ve let walk or had a chance to sign. All of these players were so NOT basic that we should have realized how basic our heroes were.
Trevor Linden is a great human being and I thank him for everything he has done for us, but the mythos surrounding him? Basic. You’re basic for making him your statue. If we even had any clue of how good we could have been; guys like Luongo, Bure, and Neely would have never left Vancouver. Linden will be remembered for so much but the guys that were literally “that close to Cups” are the guys you all want to forget. How basic is that?
I’m sure there is a predictable argument here, yup: “You HATE Trevor Linden!” Ya, I hate Trevor Linden, think about that. Don’t be an idiot.
You take your basic Canucks level to extremes too! I’ll keep this one SUPER SIMPLE, “What’s your kids name?” If you’re 30 or older I already know your name choices. I’m not even going to finish this one.
Being a basic Canuck means you probably, no you definitely slag on the Oilers, Flames, and Leafs about the obvious HAHAHA man the (Oilers, Flames, Leafs) suck so bad, they’re the worst and they’ll never make the playoffs. We’ve been here so many times people and its basic. Don’t you have more structure than that?
Actually, I’m kind of OK with being basic here.
New poster boy or not, he’s still an Oiler. That kind of basic-ness is always welcome.
Being a basic Canuck is so easy and I wonder how much of a basic Canuck I REALLY AM? I have my “Leafs Suck” button that I wear only during the Canucks/Leafs games, I only wear my Bure jersey in Game 1’s and Game 7’s because I’m an idiot. I cling to a playoff towel as hope even though every time I wave it, it ends in absolute misery. I cling to the hope every year that this year will be different and that maybe the Canucks really will be a Champion one day.
The basic Canucks fan would be one who cheers when they win and buries them when they lose, or worse they cheer for the other team during that same game, every game. They have season tickets and they wear the other team’s jersey….behind the bench…on the glass.
I’m about as basic as it gets as a basic Canuck. There is no cure. This disease is hereditary unfortunately and aside from amnesia, you have this for life. You can’t escape it and if you have a significant other you’ve no doubt forced your basicness on them as well. You’re so basic you don’t even realize other people’s opinions might be their own and not yours. I don’t know anyone in the riot, but there is a sick part of me that enjoyed seeing something beautiful destroyed.
Fight Club is all too real.
So when you make your next Sbisa sucks rant, don’t forget you’re a basic Canuck and you can do so much better. WHY does Sbisa suck? Tell us a new reason, don’t reuse and recycle. We could all do with one less predictable comment. Let’s be better….OH COME ON, WHY IS Horvat not on the top power play?
Let’s not be basic.
