Selecting the Canucks New Goal Songs, #MyColumn

In an effort to improve on the mausoleum-like atmosphere at Rogers Arena, the Canucks are introducing personalized goal songs for each player, as selected by the players. It’s a great wrinkle to the fan experience, to be sure. Not to mention, a decidedly human step, connecting the fans to their favourite players in an entirely new medium… 

“Hey, who would’ve guessed that Jake Virtanen liked Young Thug too?” and the like.

Then again, we live in a world where Phil Kessel genuinely believed that it was in his best interests to play alongside Tyler Bozak. Sometimes the players really don’t know what’s best for them.

That’s where your favourite buddy, pal, hero, family man and visionary, Sillg Ekim steps in. Join me on the other side of the jump, for the goal songs by player.

Baertschi is young, has a habit of pissing off the establishment and some might consider him an outsider – those people being the ones who glanced upon last nights game sheet. In essence, Baertschi is a punk. He doesn’t quite know it, but he is. There’s a patch-laden denim vest somewhere in his dressing room stall. 

That’s not why this song is appropriate, though. Think about Baertschi and the way he is perceived by the team and fans alike. One second, he’s Canucks Army’s first ranked prospect. The next, fans want him benched because he’s invisible. Baertschi’s good will and roster spot, it seems, wouldn’t last a day.

This one was too easy. Deservedly or otherwise, Burrows is the NHL’s bad boy. He’s called out the refs, built his career on being a gritty, agitating, shit disturber and he has a nasty reputation for diving. Not to mention the whole biting a player thing.

It makes him an easy target for outside media – or quasi-media – like Greg Wyshynski – somebody who knows a thing or two about popularity. People are constantly hating on Burrows, so you know he’s never going to get the benefit of the doubt. The benefit of context? Nah, not that either.

Adam Cracknell is thirty years old and played a grand total of 83-games in the NHL. He’s spent more time on the NHL waiver wire than John Tortorella has at anger management. All this, despite proving to be a relatively competent option as a depth player. 

The NHL world kept spinning. Cracknell, less so.

I feel no shame in saying that Dorsett scares the living daylights out of me. He’s just a tiny little ball of fisticuffs and oh lord, his space is one I fear to tread. Dorsett just finished a 17 fight season and has 2 already this year, in just 5 games. 

His game is entirely chaotic, much like this song. I can’t imagine there’s many goons left in the league that don’t fear him, either. 

“That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, losing my religion”. If you were to replace “religion” with “puck”, you’ve just described nearly every one of Hansen’s breakaways. Also, if we’re being entirely honest, Michael Stipe maybe sounds a little bit like Cory Schneider’s impression of Hansen. That certainly counts for something…

Between the abs and the beard, there is serious sex appeal to Higgins. I don’t really have anything else to add. He’s a beautiful man.

Is there any arguing that world isn’t Horvat’s oyster? At just 20-years young, Horvat was centering a relatively successful – if snakebitten – second line. That’s serious swagger, especially given that even the most objective (and reasonable) expectations for Horvat’s projection would have him in this role at his peak.

There’s plenty of room to grow for Horvat. The world, at least in Vancouver, really is his.

I mean, McCann really is just nineteen. Very young member of his draft class and the like.

“Die now, no more time, I am death, the hand is mine, great honour comes to thee tonight, in my reach”. Prust has fought three times in five games. That is all.

There’s nothing these two don’t do together, so it only makes sense that they share the same goal song. Let Abba take the wheel, with this classic and appropriate hit.

Ever watched Sutter in the offensive zone? Don’t let his early season surge of offense fool you, he’s a total rover. He seems like a nice enough guy, if bordering on the bro end of the spectrum. Bros love Led Zeppelin. It’s a fact. Deal with it.

Is there any denying that Vrbata is the Canucks best sniper? Didn’t think so. 

Sure, Bartkowski is a former Bruin. Sometimes, though, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine. Bartkowski’s game is pretty unremarkable too, in the most complimentary way possible. Not many ups and downs… Just like a Grateful Dead song!

Where yo ass was at, dog, when Edler posted a league-worst +/- in 2013-14? Probably lamenting that the Canucks didn’t take the Red Wings up on their offer of Tomas Tatar, Brendan Smith and a second. Edler hasn’t forgotten.

At least Canucks Army kept it real. We knew he’d bounce back. 

Hamhuis is about as pious as Canucks get, this side of David Booth. Given that we’ve never seen Hamhuis smile, the line “they say I’m missing a whole world of fun” kind of makes sense. 

It is often remarked that Tanev is so cool out there, that he could skating with a smoke dangling from his mouth. The Replacements are really damn cool, and they just happen to have a music video of them doing their thing with, well, a smoke in hand.

Also, Tanev is relatively young… There is that…

Weber is on the outside looking in again and doesn’t sound overly happy about it. It’s not the first time and I don’t think it will be the last. Poor, emotional, Swiss fella.

Sure, Miller isn’t scoring goals anytime soon… but this was too good to pass up…