Sheldon Souray may want a trade??? Who gives two squirts about the Eastern Conference Round 1 matchups when the sexiest man on Earth may want out of good ol’ our town? We just about had an eyeball pop out of our skull yesterday afternoon when that article got emailed into OilersNation Central Command ™. Brownlee had already sent in his piece about the Oilers tuning out ol’ MacT. Then about 15 minutes later he sent a one paragraph addendum to the post which has now made the internet do that stand-in-place-dancing-on-the-tip-toes-and-waving-your-hands-in-a-blind-panic type of thing. It ain’t a texty from Kay-Z but we will take an 11th hour email from Brownlee any day. He has mad connections and his stories do too. TSN, SportsNet, hfboards, edmontonoilers.com, some sites in the states we had never heard of. Everyone swung by the OilersNation to read this terrible, terrible news. Are we happy? No. That’s how dire the situation is.

Personally we doubt Souray will leave town. But we do think if there is ever a signal that a Super Star can send to the upper management that a change is necessary this is it. Everyone is super pissed off and change should come this week which will quieten things down in the mean time. But we do think that the Souray-for-Captain talk should tone down afterwards though. Say what you want about Ethan Moreau he was there facing the media whereas Captain-in-waiting Souray ducked out and didn’t answer any questions from anyone about anything. Doesn’t sound like he is quite ready to wear the “C” to us. Still if there is ever a sign that a regime change is necessary this is it. We think morale is at an all time low within the dressing room. Everyone is unhappy from the sounds of things. Free agents aren’t signing (insert one of a hundred names here), players aren’t re-upping (Cole) Stars are unhappy (Hemsky, Souray) players are underperforming (Penner, Horcoff.)

So with MacT out (praise to everything and everyone) it’s time to go shopping for a new Coach. With everything down in the dumps it sounds to us like whoever comes in here and does a decent job of coaching is going to be hailed as a genius.

Yep, we are ready for a new genius up here. And we know who it should be:

Talk about a new dynamic for the Battle of Alberta. Having a Sutter involved in each side of the Battle of Alberta would be wicked. Sutter v Sutter. That would be a new remix of our favorite song that would be awesome. Like if Souljaboy remixed Savin Me by Nickelback. Yep, Brent Sutter comes here, this team makes the playoffs next year. You should write that down somewhere. File it under “things not worth writing down because they are unlikely to occur.”

Anyways, like we said:

Blah blah blah playoffs so important. Blah blah Eastern Conference sends delegate to get curb stomped in the Cup Finals. No way the East wins the Cup this year. Believe that. We will take bets on the matter too if you are so inclined.

What the hell happened in the East this year? Weren’t the Bruins brutal? And we thought the Habs were lighting the league on fire. Weren’t they in first place at some point this year? Oh yeah, then half the team became patch wearing Hells Angels and things started to fall into the crapper.  (Insert smug grin here as a problem Edmonton doesn’t have is finally revealed.) We read somewhere that Bruins Stud Tim Thomas used to be Oilers property at one point in the late 90s and returned half his signing bonus in order to be released from the team. Now he is the man.

Perfect.

Bruins in 5.

Caps and Rangers. Ovechkin vs Blair Betts? What kind of matchup is that? A mismatch, that’s what kind. And we don’t even care who else is in the lineup for either team.  We are so confident that the Caps will smash the Rangers we are willing to declare this series to be our Wanye Lock of the East™. And you just don’t throw around meaningless guarantees like that unless you have done some homework on the matter.

Capitals in 6.

Well well well. You won’t believe this Nation but apparently Erik Cole can help a team make the playoffs. He goes back to Carolina, they catch fire, he catches fire and they make it to the big show.

Screw you Erik Cole.

Devils in 7.

Bah. We can’t even be bothered to look at the lineups here. The detective agency of Crosby, Malkin and Company should have enough good men on the job to solve the mystery of Martin Biron and get into round two. Does Murray Craven still play for the Flyers? How about Tommy Soderstrom?

No?

Who cares.

Penguins in 7 .

Did you enter the draft yet? Seriously you should. You can win Hudson’s GCs and impress the socks off a member of the fairer sex as you pick up the tab without so much as a glance at the total. And we think today is the last day. Or tomorrow. Or something.