Fun with the Canucks Jersifier

Yesterday the official Vancouver Canucks Facebook page pointed me to this good bit of fun, the Canucks Jersifier. It’s a simple little web app where you plug in your name and preferred number and WHAMMO, you’ve got your very own jersey hanging in the team’s dressing room.

Where most see something mildly amusing that they quickly forget about, I see something I can use and exploit until all the original fun is sucked out of it. So here I am. Let’s get creative with this Jersifier, shall we?

I have a working theory that Mike Gillis had his web team whip this thing up to test out how the potential return for Roberto Luongo might look in a Canucks jersey. After all, looking good is half the battle. Just ask Chris Higgins, who’s been coasting on the strength of his abs for over a year now.

Gilly had these made up immediately after the Leafs’ season opener on Saturday night, in which both Bozak and Kadri scored. If Bozak was acquired, it wouldn’t even be the first time the Canucks picked up a Maple Leafs centerman wearing #42 who’s stats were inflated by playing with an elite scorer.

Perhaps Gillis was simply lamenting the lack of offensive firepower on the Canucks to start the season, and was remembering these players who at one time or another seemed bound for Vancouver:

Have to admit, that Sakic one makes me a little misty. Now is as good a time as any to mention that Burnaby Joe was available with the first round draft pick the Canucks traded along with Cam Neely. Yeah…

Maybe Gillis has been misleading us this whole time. Maybe there really is no trade market for Roberto Luongo. If that’s the case, could the Jersifier be Gillis’ first phase of a "new human performance plan" including extensive biological experiments to create the perfect goaltender? A Super Shredder of the crease, if you will? Let’s see:

That’s…horrifying. Not to mention an unmitigated jersey foul.

The injuries, the lack of a trade market, the 0-1-1 record to start the season…maybe the Canucks really are doomed this year. Realizing this, Gillis has these tucked away for safe keeping:

Well, Daniel Sedin won’t be happy, but Seth Jones has worn #4 in the past, and I have a feeling it might become vacant this summer.