From the Balcony: Too much meat and potatoes

Waldorf: It looks like they want us to write another article, Statsler?

Waldorf: I did not see that coming.

Statsler: Neither did the Germans!

Waldorf: Ha ha ha! You got that right.

Statsler: But yeah, I haven’t seen the comments that bad since that Money Puck character wrote here.

Waldorf: Oh yeah, that was bad. Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?

Statsler: I hear he took his talents to South Beach.

Waldorf: Was that one of the beaches in Normandy?

Statsler: No, it’s way more dangerous. It’s in Florida!

Waldorf: Ok, let’s get back on topic. I’m sure the Canucks fans out there want to know what we thought about the trade deadline.

Statsler: Why, what happened?

Waldorf: Not a damn thing.

Statsler: You mean they didn’t move Vrbata? I thought he was a pending Unrestricted Free Agent. Aren’t they going to lose him for nothing?

Waldorf: He is. But they didn’t move him. In fact, there was no movement at all. The Canucks look like they have organizational constipation.

Statsler: I’ll say. The last time, I was that backed up, it took me a whole bottle of Metamucil to flush out the pipes.

Waldorf: That’s what happens when you have too much meat and potatoes.

Statsler: You’re not wrong there.

Waldorf: No, but you know who was? Benning. He couldn’t even trade Dan Hamhuis. Apparently he left a pair of prospects and a draft pick on the table.

Statsler: You’ve got to be kidding me. I haven’t seen this much impotence since Bob Dole was running for president.

Waldorf: First they’re constipated now they’re impotent…are you sure it’s not you that’s running the team?

Statstler: You wish.

Waldorf: Haha so does Jim Benning. Instead everyone knows it’s really Aquilini calling the shots. According to that Farhan fellow, Benning turned down a deal with Jim Nill and then when Dallas called with a better offer, nobody answered the phone.

Statsler: Wait, I think I’ve seen that on a Cialis commercial…

Waldorf: Haha. Yeah, nobody’s home and somebody’s getting screwed.

Statster: Yeah, the fans!

Waldorf: And Dan Hamhuis.

Statsler: I didn’t hear that story about Francesco, I almost feel sorry for Jim.

Waldorf: I’m going to regret asking, but why would you feel sorry for Jim?

Statsler: Because if there’s anyone who know what it’s like to try to work with another guy’s hand up your ass, its a puppet!

Waldorf: It sure does make things difficult. If it wasn’t for that little fact I would left you on this balcony in the 70s!

Statsler: Make that two of us, old buddy. But you know, I bet Benning couldn’t come to phone because he was too busy manually updating that big board on his wall showing all the players on every NHL.

Waldorf: Ha-ha, he probably got hung up trying to spell Jokipakka.

Statstler: [sigh] How do these guys even still have a job? Heck, what does that John Weisbrod guy even do?

Waldorf: I think it was his job to put paper in the fax machine yesterday.

Statsler: Oh brother. Well that explains a lot. Why are they still using a fax machine?

Waldorf: Benning forgot the password to his iPhone.

Statsler: How hard can it be? It’s probably just “Lucic7x7”.

Waldorf: It’s not hard at all. That’s why they need the Cialis.

Statsler: I see what you did there. Well played.

Waldorf: You know who else was well played? Jim Nill. That Russell trade was highway robbery.

Statsler: Oh boy was it ever. Maybe former Canucks shouldn’t be allowed to run hockey teams. I haven’t seen somebody get that ripped off since Canucks ticket holders renewed their season tickets last year.

Waldorf: Well, I’ll give them one thing. It takes real balls to send out season ticket renewal notices over this past week.

Statsler: That’s more like a kick to the balls, if you ask me.

Waldorf: Well nobody did ask you, you old fool.

Statsler: Yeah yeah. I already told you I’m not the one running this team, but I’m starting to think maybe it’s time to trade in this management team for a potato. Heck, I would even take the crew at Canucks Army over these clowns.

Waldorf: Hahaha. Yeah, well I would even take the commenters.

Statsler: Wait, let’s not get carried away here.

Waldorf: Ok, ok. But maybe that NM00 character. He seems alright.

Waldorf: No, I thought that was you!

Statsler: No, but that would make sense, since we’re nothing if not “all right”.

Waldorf: Haha, so true. But I wish we were wrong more