From the balcony: Nobody likes a math geek

Waldorf: Well, Statsler looks like another season has gone by. Do you think we’re any closer to seeing the Canucks win a Stanley Cup?

Statsler: The only thing we’re closer to is the grave, you old fool.

Waldorf: Har-har still better than watching any more of this team.

Statsler: Wait, you actually watch the games? I’ve been sleeping through most of them since Christmas.

Waldorf: So have the Canucks.

Statsler: I did watch that last game on Saturday. It was nice to be able to cheer for a win at home.

Waldorf: Yeah, that Tortorella is really the gift that keeps on giving. Got the Canucks an extra second round pick and now helped land them in the third overall spot heading into the lottery.

Statsler: And with a little luck, they might actually get to stay in the top three.

Waldorf: In that case, I guess they’re picking sixth, because if it wasn’t for bad luck, this franchise wouldn’t have any luck at all.

Statsler: Not since they traded him to Carolina for peanuts.

Waldorf: Luck, not Lack, you old fool.

Statsler: No, I’m pretty sure it was Lack. Luck is a football player.

Waldorf: (sighs)

Statsler: Speaking of size, what did you think of those two giant Russian defensemen they had at the end of the season?

Waldorf: I don’t think that’s what all the hockey experts had in mind when they said the Canucks needed some more rushing defensemen.

Statsler: No, probably not. And I still don’t understand why Willie Desjardins tried to play him as a forward.

Waldorf: Probably thinks all Russians are left wing Commies.

Statsler: Better dead than red.

Waldorf: You’ll get your wish soon enough.

Statsler: I already got my wish. The season is over. Now we can start looking forward to the draft.

Waldorf: Draft? Are we at war again?

Statsler: No, the only WAR now is WAR-on-ice, that website all the nerds look at instead of watching the games.

Waldorf: The nerds don’t watch the games? They are smarter than I thought.

Statsler: Yeah, they just play with their spreadsheets all day.

Waldorf: Better be careful or they’ll go blind.

Statsler: Wait what?

Waldorf: From staring at the screens so much.

Statsler: Oh…yeah. In that case, going blind might not be such a bad thing if you’re a Canucks fan.

Waldorf: I see what you did there.

Statsler: I’m surprised you can see anything with the amount of time you’ve spent playing with your “spreadsheet” over the years…

Waldorf: Ho-ho-ho, you’re not wrong.

Statsler: Anyway, apparently all the nerds actually came out of their basements this weekend and had some kind of nerd convention in downtown Vancouver.

Waldorf: Wait, there were a bunch of Canucks fans gathered together downtown on the day the Canucks’ season ended? Wasn’t anyone afraid they would start a riot and set things on fire?

Statsler: The Oilers and Canucks were playing. What’s another fire outside the arena when you already had massive garbage and tire fires inside the arena?

Waldorf: That joke stinks.

Statsler: Not as badly as the Canucks.

Waldorf: True. But hopefully they can salvage something good out of this season on the last day of April.

Statsler: Ironic, given that when I think of this management team it’s the first day of April that comes to mind.

Waldorf: Haw-haw-haw. Well you know what they say, a fool and his money are soon parted.

Statsler: That reminds me, did you renew our season tickets for next year?

Waldorf: Of course. It was either watch the games or spend more time playing with our spreadsheets.

Statsler: When you put it that way, it makes so much more sense. And I guess you can’t put a price on witnessing another Canucks Stanley Cup run.

Waldorf: Well, actually you can. According to my spreadsheet, it’s #DIV/0!

Statsler: Nobody likes a math geek, Waldorf.