5 Reasons to Hate The Toronto Maple Leafs

8 years ago

Photo Credit: Tom Szczerbowski/USA TODAY Sports

Let’s be real about things. Nobody likes the Toronto Maple Leafs. I don’t like them, you don’t like them, they probably don’t like themselves, and I’m pretty sure that Torontonians dump their money into the team just so they have something else to complain about in their miserable lives. But we care a lot about hating a team that isn’t even in the Canucks’ conference. Why is that? Let’s take a look.

Taking Vancouver’s Leftovers

The Maple Leafs claimed Frank Corrado on waivers, which disappointed Canucks fans who remembered the good times and showed that Toronto might see what has departed from Vancouver as their own potential treasure. *rewind*

The Maple Leafs traded for Michael Grabner, which disappointed Canucks fans who remembered the good times and showed that Toronto might see what has departed from Vancouver as their own potential treasure. *rewind*

The Maple Leafs signed ~~Mason Raymond Mike Santorelli David Booth~~ Shawn Matthias, which disappointed Canucks fans who remembered the good times and showed that Toronto might see what has departed from Vancouver as their own potential treasure. *rewind*

Look, this happens every. single. year. It’s always someone new, whether they show up on a defensive pairing, as a bottom six winger, or a member of the team off the ice. Ever since the Leafs were eliminated by the Canucks in 1994, every single one of their annual teams has included at least one skater, head coach, or general manager that was previously a Canuck.

Yes, there’s been moments where that works the other way, like that two-year stretch where the Canucks signed three players who showed up to further confuse Bob Cole, binge on All You Can Eat Sushi, and remind fans what bad goaltending looked like. But that’s the exception. In Toronto’s case, it’s the rule. It’s one thing to want to be us, but they try to do so by taking guys that were proven to be unfit for the role here.

To make it worse, the recent trend has been to give these players an absurd amount of minutes, and when they end up with a point or two more than they did in Vancouver, the fan base stands on a pedestal and screams about another successful reclamation project. It’s insufferable.

East Coast Bias

The game is at 4 PM tonight? Okay, that’s inconvenient for us, but I guess they’re playing in Toronto. Time zones are a pain, and all. Wait, the rematch in Vancouver is also at 4 PM? Of course it is. Because, as we all know, Leafs fans really need to see their $50 million coach scream at Roman Polak because hit his own goalie thinking it that it would improve their reflexes. Dropping the puck at home while most ticket holders are supposed to still be at work? Seems fair.

The Canucks have a trio of young rookies who are exciting their fans in Jared McCann, Jake Virtanen, and Ben Hutton. Does the national media care, though? Not really. They want to talk about Toronto’s AHLers, screaming to high heavens that they should be called up for the good of themselves and the game while Leafs management says they don’t want to do that. Ladies and gentlemen, your feel good Leafs story is to your left. Alas, you’ve turned a blind eye. As always.

The Sedins are still on pace to score 60-70 points this year; maybe more if things start clicking. Do they care? No, they want to talk about Rich Clune, who got signed, took a five-minute penalty for trying to kill someone and promptly got placed on waivers. The Canucks have the 5th best goal differential in the NHL right now and haven’t lost a game by multiple goals yet? Whatever, the Leafs just won back to back games for the first time since the invention of the printing press.

Even when the team falls into the abyss and tries to fly under the radar, they’re still shoved down the throats of tens of millions of people who just. don’t. care.

The Matthias Ohlund Thing

From Sports Illustrated, August 1997:

The Vancouver Canucks today opted to match the offer sheet for Swedish defenseman Mattias Ohlund, signed by the Toronto Maple Leafs last Friday.
Ohlund, who was the 13th overall selection in the 1994 NHL draft by Vancouver, agreed to a five-year contract worth $10 million with a signing bonus in excess of $7.5 million, according to IMG, which represents Ohlund.
Vancouver had seven days to match the offer entirely or make a deal with Toronto to deal his rights. Now that the Canucks have matched the offer, Ohlund cannot be traded for one year.
“Mattias has proven to be a solid player in international hockey and we look forward to having him play for our team this season,” said Canucks president and general manager Pat Quinn. “He possesses a high skill level that will make him a valuable NHL player.”
The 20-year-old Ohlund was voted the best defenseman at the past World Junior Championship tournament, and earned second all-star team honors at the World Championships in Finland.
He recorded seven goals and nine assists in 47 games last season for Lulea of the Swedish Elite League.

The Leafs had figured out that Ohlund and his agents were having some issues negotiating with Pat Quinn and the Canucks. Vancouver had no interest in giving Ohlund the rookie max on an Entry Level contract, which at the time would have meant $850,000 per year for three years. The Leafs, taking advantage of this crazy pocket of time where you could offer sheet someone who wasn’t a traditional RFA, decided to take “let’s steal a former Canuck” to a whole new level, going after a guy who hadn’t even had the chance to get the experience necessary for the description.

The Canucks begrudgingly signed the deal, and Ohlund turned out to be spectacular. But at a time where the team wasn’t looking to spend much money (especially after signing noted scum Mark Messier), this wasn’t the situation they wanted.

The Fans

If there’s anything worse than the media that has Toronto’s back, it’s their insufferable fans. Every year is their year, as long as a couple of things go right. Every new goaltender is going to win the Vezina until the turns out to out-seive Dan Cloutier. Every prospect is going to score a hundred points, until they get placed on waivers and show up in the second tier Italian league (or pans out on one of the Canucks rivals once the Leafs trade them to the west for another enforcer).

They cheer for a terrible team that represents a city that is uglier, smoggier, and more self-absorbed than ours. They literally pump in billions of dollars to their ownership, be it through their $400 tickets to 9-2 losses or $500 phone/internet/TV bills to their oligopolistic media conglomerate owners. Then, if the team actually starts to get themselves together, they start complaining that the rebuild isn’t happening fast enough, that they’d rather have a face puncher from a local suburb than a skilled out-of-towner, or that their superstars need to leave town because they’re as awkward as they are in public.

I can’t believe public and private money goes into pandering these people.

The Playoffs

Last, but not least. The playoffs. There’s nothing more that annoys me about the Toronto Maple Leafs than comparing our playoff history.

Wait, no, that’s a lie. The Canucks have made the playoffs 7 of 10 times in the Cap Era and played in 13 playoff rounds. The Leafs have played in one playoff round and lost to the Bruins so catastrophically that nobody outside of Vancouver hassles us for 2011 anymore. Leafs fans will throw their riot jokes at us. They’re right, their youth won’t cause trouble. Mostly because anybody young enough to cause trouble in Toronto cheers for the Penguins, Capitals, Blackhawks, Habs, or Canucks.

By the way, remember how the media shoved “those great Leafs fans at Maple Leaf Square” down our throats during that 2013 playoff series? Did you know that the first ever hockey game shown in that Downtown Toronto cul-de-sac was Game 7 of the 2011 Finals? Yet another ex-Canuck theft.

If they could steal finals appearances from us, they would, but the reality is, this is an organization that made a feature-length film about winning two playoff rounds. Yes, neither team has won a cup in all of these decades, but at least the Canucks can win a conference and the hearts of many from time to time.

In conclusion, the Leafs are the worst, and here’s the best moment in Canucks/Leafs history: