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5 Reasons to Hate The Flames
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Always90four
Apr 15, 2015, 21:02 EDTUpdated: Invalid DateTime
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Remember when the Flames beat the Canucks in Game 7 back in 2004? Of course you do, how could you forget? 
Todd Bertuzzi was suspended, Dan Cloutier was injured, and the swashbuckler Ed Jovanovski was sitting in the penalty box when the baby giraffe Alex Auld surrendered the final goal. We lost. Martin Gelinas buried us and made us cry.
But in case you’ve forgotten how to hate the sad sack Albertan clubs in the decade since, we’ve got five reasons why you should hate Calgary after the jump.
Well, except that Canucks fans don’t cry, we complain and over-analyze why things went wrong and let it be known how WE would run the team. How’s that gone for us? Swimmingly awful.
82? Towels didn’t score enough goals. 
94? Nets weren’t big enough. 
2011? Lack of tire support.
There’s nothing to over-analyze this year, what you see is what you get. What I see over in Calgary is an overachieving bunch of sucks. Game 1 between the Canucks and Flames begins at 7:00 PM and puck drop can’t come soon enough. 
What do the Flames possess that actually gives the Canucks chills? The Saddledome might be a bit colder than normal these days – the ghost of the drowned Harvey the Hound still haunts the bowels of that arena, and that’s kinda chilling I guess. Jonas Hiller has a black mask with no pictures, which actually is pretty scary and boldly reckless. He’s so not committed to the Flames he didn’t even bother to paint his mask….ALL YEAR!! What a guy!
How this series goes more than maybe 5 games is beyond me. You know what the Flames are about, and now I bring you 5 reasons to hate on these hacks more than you normally do. And not just sports hate either:
1) They have Brian Burke. Yes, we used to LOVE Brian Burke, but since his time in Vancouver, he’s loosened that tie one too many times, been to Anaheim to win a Cup, went to Toronto to gift draft picks to Boston, and now is busy growing his hair and suing internet trolls while ceding the decision making to Brad Treliving. Addendum to Brian Burke, how is the Flames job one you think is worth having? You know how long it took to shed Jarome Iginla? Took Jim Benning five minutes to trade Kesler.
Oh, he has stupid hair too.
2) The Red Mile is lame. Congratulations, you know how to drink in the streets and high five cops. We RIOT! OK, not all of us, but it happened twice and that’s consistency. High fiving cops isn’t really cool, flipping their cars and burning them….this really isn’t a valid point at all. I do not condone the rioting. But IF we compared say the two examples I have presented, one is more extreme and not littered with wannabe cowboys.
3) Lanny McDonald’s moustache is an atrocity. He took being a Flame way too literally when he grew his red ear to ear handlebar ‘stache. Dedication? Yes. Ridiculous? Of course. If you’re looking for the best ‘stache ever, Dave Babych is the obvious winner here. Full volume, bigger man, MORE MAN. Lanny wasn’t even a full captain. 
Credit – Babych (vancitybuzz.com), Lanny (crimespreehockey.wordpress.com)
4) Advanced stats tell a story. The Canucks may not be so awesome at most of the new fancy stats but they rule in lots of non-fancy stats, like, say, wins. For example, in comparison with the Flames, the Canucks have more of them. 
But the Flames just stink. Like they’re really bad. So bad that they make the Oilers look like a competent defensive team. I hate losing to the Flames at any level as they are a lesser team. They are the equivalent to cauliflower, broccoli’s ugly cousin.
I’m not about to see this one go seven again and see Sbisa jumping up and down like an idiot in the penalty box. Just score more goals Vancouver and fancy stats the tar out of those guys.
5) The Calgary Flames have tried to OUT-CANUCK the Canucks. Mason Raymond, Todd Bertuzzi and Raphael Diaz to name a few, the Flames have tried to sloppily reclaim former Canucks and nurse them back to glory. Well, how ’bout one-upping these losers? Heard of Sven Baertschi? Ya, he’s going to be a full timer next year and I hope he helps bury the Flames early and often. 
Ok ok, he’s basically getting 3rd/4th line minutes, but Ronalds Kenins seems to do fine with those opportunities. The Flames gave up on the promising young winger but they just didn’t realize that he just hated playing for Calgary. We out-Flamed them!
On Wednesday, Vancouver is going to Canuck so hard on the Flames they won’t know what hit them. Every game, the Canucks will no doubt hockey so much more than the Flames can handle and before they know it, they’ll be shaking hands. 
It’s a shame they’ll have to make that flight back to Calgary with no more games to play. It’s fine though, the Stampede is only a few months away so they have something else to look forward to.
 
So Canucks fans, get ready for the best few months of your life. If you aren’t quite ready for the playoffs yet, check out the rest of Canucks Army’s playoff preview content:
Also, check out the sweet new Canucks gear available in the Nation Network shop. It’s Vancouver vs. Everyone this year! #EmbraceTheHate

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