27You Know What I Hate?!

You Know What I Hate?! – April 20th


It’s another instalment of my regular feature of venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and other happenings around the NHL. Two things about this feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every week, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.

This week, I hate that Tryamkin says nyet to the Canucks, “scoreless” games, and the worst karaoke song ever.

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You know what I hate?! Nikita Tryamkin dashed our hopes and dreams. We never even got to say goodbye. He just packed up and left in the middle of the night, leaving us to cry as we cover our tear-stained faces with our bedsheets. Ok, it’s not quite that bad. While the spotlight shines on his lack of playing time, that isn’t the only reason he left. It’s easy to see he was homesick and wanted to return home. What I do actually hate is that a 22-year-old rookie Russian defenseman bolts for home, and it suddenly exposes the glaring holes in the Canucks D depth. It means that Olli Juolevi almost certainly is going to be rushed into playing top 6 minutes next season, whether he’s ready or not. It means that the Canucks are almost certainly going to sign Erik Gudbranson to a stupidly long, stupidly rich contract. When your second-best defenseman over the back half of the season unexpectedly leaves the team, and you have nothing to show for it, you have some mighty big problems ahead. Oh, and Philip Larsen left for the KHL too. Whatever.

You know what I hate?! Announcers saying that a game is “scoreless”. No, it isn’t! As soon as a game commences, as soon as puck drop, once the game has officially started, it has a score. The score is 0-0. The game is goalless, not scoreless.

You know what I hate?! Sweet Caroline. Oh my lord, do I hate this song. At best, it’s the worst song on the menu at a budget karaoke bar. For some inexplicable reason, the North American spectator sporting world as adopted this song as some sort of cute, mid-game anthem. I’m at a loss. It has nothing to do with sports. Zero. So, why on earth does this terrible song get belted out by thousands of people on a daily basis while watching a hockey game live? Arena DJs are just proving that they aren’t even good enough to work weddings anymore.

You know what I hate?! Downtown Vancouver on 4/20. What a total gong show it is. I worked for many years in downtown Vancouver, and every April 20th this infuriating clown show would spark itself up and create an excruciating mess of the core of the city. Don’t confuse my hatred of this damn day for a condemnation of marijuana. Far from it. I am a huge proponent of the medical benefits of pot, and its long-overdue, nationwide legalization and taxation is going to be a massive benefit to our entire country, especially BC. But the overt 4/20 culture is boring and dumb and painfully annoying today. I’d tell these fake-ass hippies to beat it, but these people aren’t hippies. Hippies had a purpose to their protests, were educated on the topics that mattered to them, and organized themselves peacefully. These dummies are just looking for any excuse to blaze up the biggest joint they can roll, and then scream about it.

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  • Jabs

    Hands, touchin’ hands
    Reachin’ out, touchin’ me, touchin’ you

    Sweet Caroline
    Good times never seemed so good
    I’ve been inclined
    To believe they never would

  • Bud Poile

    Nikita came to us a single man but ” left in the middle of the night” – with his beautiful new bride.
    Most married men understand what this implies.
    Gudbranson scores,hits and is more of everything we hoped Big Nik could be.

    • TanevistheMan-ev

      How do you determine that? By scoring more, Trammer had 9 pts this year, pretty close to Gudbranson’s career-high of 13. As for hits, Tryamkin had 145 this year which is right around Gudbranson’s average. The major point is that if Gudbranson was making Tryamkin money, I’d be overjoyed to have him on the Canucks backend. However, all the rumblings are that he wants to be paid like a top-2 dman, which he unequivocally isn’t at this point

  • Roy

    “He shoots, he scores!” – ok
    “How many goals didn’t you score?” – hmm

    Scoreless = 0-0 (ergo, a scoreless game would be one with no goals)

    Folks, you are in no place to critique grammar or choice of words on this website.

  • I hate losing assets for nothing.

    Lots of bellyaching over poor asset management, but this Tryamkin thing takes the cake. Add to this last years trade deadline disaster with losing Hamhuis and Vrbata for nothing, and yes the beaten to death Corrado thing, it all adds up to bad decision making. I have supported our management team since day one, but the mistakes are obvious. Kevin Lowe and Craig McTavish due stuff like that. We are going down the same road. Oilers 2.0.

    Bottom line on Tryamkin, the young man was unhappy here. I heard him during player exit interviews and he said he wanted to return to Van and play in the NHL. He said what we wanted to hear, left town and did what is best for Nikita. I sense resentment. Looking back, some of this is on Nikita as well but I think he was misled in some ways, mishandled by Willie, and we as fans wanted him to be something he is not. Add to this family pressure and it all added up to this. Nikita knows we lost him for nothing.

  • Rodeobill

    I know this may not be relevant here, but I hate that McDouche can level someone open ice without any recourse away from the puck and every announcer fights for space on his butt to kiss about how great he is for that now too. If he was on the receiving end of the same hit, you know the guys getting a penalty of some kind and some dental readjustment next shift. Boo. just boo.

    • LAKID

      Come On that’s just ignorant. You have to admit the puck just left his stick, the ref was right there and no call. Take off your leotards that are stamped with sedin pick’s.

  • Vanoxy

    On Tryamkin, I won’t be surprised to see him back in a year.
    With the NHL sitting out next year’s Olympic Games, I have a feeling the Russian Olympic committee might be providing KHL teams with some funds in order to poach Russian free agents from the NHL and make them eligible for the Olympics.

    The KHL doesn’t release salary details, but the fact that he signed for 1 year is telling, imo.