"What are the Shapys’?" is a question which you may be asking if you’ve been living under a rock for the past year or so. You should give this a read if you’re still unclear, but honestly, the video above should’ve done a pretty gloriously (dramatic) job of explaining what’s happening here. Jason Botchford, a former Shapy winner himself – and nominee once again this year – should you this footage as his application for narrating the 24/7 series in the future.
Remember that it was this very event, just a year ago, which provided us with a "pretty classic 33 seconds from Roberto Luongo (which probably isn’t the first time that phrase has been uttered..). Anyways, I think it’s safe to say that this is something more than just a passing fad. After all, it has been around for a while now, only gaining more and more traction as the numbers of "Shappers" grows.
It’s because of this that we’re taking a little break tonight from our regularly programmed analytical approach of hockey coverage to support the 2013 Shapys. I know that some of you out there have been eagerly awaiting this day, so without further ado, read on past the jump for a breakdown of the awards.. and remember, it’s supposed to be fun. Let loose and enjoy the show.
The winner of #ShapHeat of the Year is..
I initially planned on taking a screenshot of the verbal jousting these two did, but there was so much vitriol that I figured it was best not to. PA Islander tweets less frequently than Versace, so if you’re really interested in what they did to warrant this recognition, you can scroll down his timeline. But just consider yourself warned that these two did not hold back, and went after each other with no remorse. That’s why they’re worthy winners of the best #ShapHeat of the Year, I guess..
The winner of The No B.S. Torts Award is..
Wow, huge honor to win some last second made-up bullshit award. It touches the heart. Thanks everyone for the votes. God bless. #Shapys
— Shane M (@SocialAssassin2) December 23, 2013
Kind of ironic that SocialAssassin2 won the No B.S. award, only to go with that as his acceptance speech. Anyways, Shane is a really good dude. For those of you that don’t know him he’s a massive fan of the Seahawks, Cody Hodgson, Cory Schneider, and occasionally even watches the Vancouver Canucks every once in a while.
The Female Shapper of the Year is..
— Ellie Nuck (@_EllieNuck_) December 23, 2013
Well deserved, as she was one of the biggest locks on this entire ballot. She mixes it up routinely, and never seems to refrain from letting her feelings be known. She’ll be a force to be reckoned with in this category next year, once again.
Lifetime Achievement Award Presentation Break:
Hey, look! It’s Thomas Drance, who took some time out from compiling GIFs to put a snazzy suit on, and present Jason Botchford with his Lifetime Achievement Award. He also decided to shotgun a beer, and then pour a little bit out at the end, which was a nice little touch. On a somewhat related note, make sure you tweet Drance and let him know that we miss him on this platform, and hope that the next time he’s spilling something it’s digital ink at Canucks Army.
The Winner of the Winged Llama is..
— The Shap (@Shapys1) December 23, 2013
In case you were wondering what this award represents, it’s given to the individual who seems to have the best knack for tweeting, and then disappearing, without answering for his comments. Not cool. If you’re not going to have the decency to shap back, then don’t shap at all for crying out loud..
The Rookie Shapper of the Year is..
Don Falconer, who dipped his toes into the shap water for the first time this year. As a sample of his prowess, it’s things like this that made him a deserving choice in my eyes:
— Donner (@TheFalconer) December 23, 2013
The Celebrity Shapper of the Year is..
Roberto Luongo, obviously. Listen.. Eddie Lack was a worthy candidate, and Jeremy Roenick unquestionably says some ridiculous things, but it is Luongo who has taken the Shapys to another level. The conversion rate on his tweets is kind of ridiculously high, with him only really swinging and missing when his account inexplicably tweets out how much $$ it’s worth.
If you haven’t seen this video for whatever reason by now, I highly advise you to skip to the 7:20 mark or so and enjoy:
The Milt of the Year is..
.. Captain Kirky, who unfortunately changed his avatar on Twitter recently. His previous photo, one where he was "Duck Facing" for some incomprehensible reason, would’ve been much more fitting. Oh well.
This one came as somewhat of a surprise to me in all honesty, because I thought that Harrison Mooney had it on lock. Especially after this video was released tonight:
I had a chance to speak with Mooney himself following the devastating news that he had missed out on the award, and he had the following things to say about it:
"It’s disappointing to lose out on Milt of the Year, which I considered to be the greatest Shapy that can be awarded. It leaves one wondering what he has to do.. but only in a sense. In another sense, I know what I have to do to win next year: wreck a radio station. Anyway, it’s an honour just to be nominated. This is bullshit, though."
No Harrison, you don’t. All you need to do is try and start up some #shapheat with anyone and everyone to a nauseating extent. Well, that, and some more of this.
The Sports Media Shapper of the Year is..
the winner of the 2013 sports media shapper of the year is @botchford congrats to you and your family
— The Shap (@Shapys1) December 23, 2013
This goes without saying. In case you’ve been paying attention throughout the entirety of this process, Jason Botchford IS Shap. We’ve got one more special presenter to commemorate Botch’s performance over the years:
The Shapper of the Year is..
Taj! I appreciate Taj’s work greatly, as he constantly listens to the Team1040 so that none of us have to. He’s a quote machine, and if he ever collides with the Eastern Conference version of himself, Hope Smoke, it’ll probably be the day the world ends. I guess you could say that this news is #gold, and if you believed in him, then it was #easymoney. As for the other nominees.. you’ve just got to #manageyourlosses.
As for next year.. I’m #TeamCrownRoyal. That was a blast, you guys. Make sure that you send suggestions for ways the process can be improved upon for next year to @Shapys1. I’m going to make a strong push for a "Stats Milt of the Year" category, just so that Cam Charron has something to show for his efforts.
Until next year..