Admit it: you’re starting to get antsy.
It’s October and you’re starting to notice a gaping hole in your life where hockey used to be. Maybe you’re like me and you just spent six hours of your Saturday sitting through 19 rounds of a meaningless hockey pool draft in an act of lockout denial. Sure, it’s a 12-team keeper league with 8 protected players, so five of those six hours would be meaningless even if there wasn’t a lockout. But I digress.
What I’m trying to say is that you’re probably now finding yourself with a bunch of free time, and if you’re lucky enough not to be a season ticket holder, maybe even extra money that you normally wouldn’t have this time of year. Fear not, in today’s Graphic Comments I’ll show you how to deal with this just like the professionals.
That’s right, it’s the Graphic Comments edition of Be A Player. No, not that kind of player. Although as we’ve covered before, that will get you locked out too. No, there are a variety of ways you can emulate real life NHL players during the lockout:
With all that free time and extra money you’re not spending on tickets, you can head over to Europe, just like players on every team except the Canucks. But if you’d rather stick closer to home, the Canucks’ players do provide good role models:
- You can spend your time supporting minor hockey, like Kevin Bieksa and Dan Hamhuis did last week.
- Or maybe you were inspired by Dan and Sarah Hamhuis’ $100,000 donation to Ronald McDonald House. If so, you can take that money you were going to spend on tickets and donate it to charity instead. And if you’re one of those people frightened by clowns, don’t worry, there are plenty of non-clown related charities out there for you to choose from. Speaking of clowns, don’t let Kevin Paul Dupont know I suggested donating money to charity.
- If you find that nothing is filling that hockey sized hole in your schedule and you really need a fix of NHL hockey, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof, the soon to be dead of exhaustion @TheStanchion is running a one-man fake NHL season over at the Legion of Blog. So you can be like Eddie Lack and join in the fun. Seriously, though, I really am starting to get worried about @TheStanchion’s physical and mental health. He’s looking more and more like Jack Nicholson in The Shining every new video…
- Finally, probably the best thing you can do is spend more time with your wife and especially your kids, just like Roberto Luongo. Although, I’m a little concerned about his definition of "toilet training":
—Strombone (@strombone1) October 1, 2012
So there you have it. An easy to follow guide to spending your free time during the lockout, just like the pros do it.
I know the temptation may be to just slack off and do nothing with all this extra time you have. But remember, idle hands are the devil’s tools. Although in the case of New Jersey Devil Krys Barch, he was bound to come out a tool either way after his Twitter meltdown the other night:
You know what I’m going to miss the most during the lockout? Cam Charron being confused by Don Cherry on Coach’s Corner every week. Hey Cam, just for old time’s sake, here’s what Don would have said about Krys Barch this week. Parse this:
FOR ALL YOU KIDS OUT DARE, REMEMBER: DON’T DRINK AND TWEET! THUMBS DOWN!! LET’S GO!!!
So, now you’ve got some ideas on how to fill your time during the lockout, but the uncertainty is still gnawing at you. Just how long can we expect this lockout to go on, you’re asking yourself. Well, rest assured, because Wayne Gretzky is "optimistic" that we’ll have hockey by January 1.
Now, while I agree that the most likely return date will be right around Christmas, I hardly call that an optimistic scenario. If anything, that’s pretty much the worst possible outcome in terms of return dates. But I guess if you lower your expectations enough, optimism is all relative:
Hmm, if Wayne applies this same approach, he might still be able to be optimistic about how Paulina Gretzky will turn out.
And whether you’re now thinking about Paulina or the CBA, Eliotte Friedman threw a bucket of water cold enough to dampen anyone’s "optimism" earlier today. In his latest post, titled "NHL landscape littered with landmines," Friedman provides a pretty bleak assessment of the current state of negotiations and the prospects for getting to a deal. I’m not sure about the landmine metaphor, but this whole mess is definitely about mines: