You Know What I Hate?! – April 9th

Hordi is angry. And so am I. He’s angry about getting a penalty.
I’m angry that Darcy Hordichuk still plays hockey in the National Hockey League.
(Photo by Jeff Vinnick/NHLI via Getty Images)

Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.

This week, I call a series of inexplicable penalties on Staples Center, Gary Bettman, dumb historical stats and a lack of love for Hammy.

You know what I hate?! Dan Hamhuis didn’t win a single season-ending award. The guy was a beast all season long, and nobody talked about him. He was the very definition of the unsung hero. While Chris Higgins was an admirable choice, he was lauded endlessly over the past two months, and his attractive abs were lauded all season long. He wasn’t exactly "unsung". Deliciously ab-tastic, sure. But not unsung. In my eyes, the real unsung hero on the Vancouver Canucks this year was Dan Hamhuis.

You know what I hate?! The quality of NHL refereeing. I can’t even explain how piss-poor the officiating was in the Canucks/Oilers game Saturday night at Rogers Arena. And believe me, the Canucks were quite obviously the benefactor of the bogus reffing.

There was a stretch of five to six deliberate penalties that should have been called on the Canucks that were simply overlooked and ignored by the refs. If Kyle Rehman and Mike Leggo are paired together for the playoffs, then something is seriously wrong with the quality of officiating available for the postseason. But, let’s face it – if the Canucks get home games with Rehman and Leggo, they should be thanking the hockey gods.

You know what I hate?! Staples Center. What a gong show that building is. Could they possibly cram any more tenants or events there? The Lakers, the Clippers and the Kings all play their home games at Staples and next week the building is hosting Mexican pop band Mana for three different shows. Why does this all matter? Because the Kings are supposed to be hosting playoff hockey games! The ice is going to be complete mush for the Kings home games. I hope the Canucks are ready.

You know what I hate?! Stupid, irrelevant historical stats. Here’s a doozy that I’ve heard several times over the last two days: "Four teams have won back-to-back Presidents’ trophies. Of those 4 teams, three of them won the Stanley Cup in their second year." That is just the most ridiculous stat that has absolutely nothing to do with the Canucks. This stat, which highlights only THREE TEAMS, goes back to 1987 for Christ’s sake. Chris Tanev and Dale Weise weren’t even BORN yet. Schneider, Edler, and Hansen were a year old! Right, so this stat is completely reflective of the 2011-12 installment of the Vancouver Canucks.

This is similar to last year’s "Whenever Canada has hosted the Olympics, the host city has won a Stanley Cup within a year of hosting the Games." IT HAPPENED TWICE!! Here’s another one: In years where I dropped my Blackberry and broke it on my driveway in May, the Canucks have lost the Stanley Cup final every time. It happened once.

You know what I hate?! The continued shell-game from the NHL about the Coyotes. Last week, the mayor of Glendale said that the NHL has stiffed them on the $25 million owed to them as part of the restructured agreement to keep the team in Phoenix. As a result, the city has no interest in continuing their deal. And yet, Gary Bettman and company STILL won’t just admit that hockey has failed there and they’re pulling the plug. Just say it, Gary. You f*cked up. Hockey does not belong in the desert. Put the team in Quebec City or Seattle. They both have buildings that could be used temporarily while they build new arenas. Just say it, Gary. They’re moving. Say it. SAY IT.