The #Canucks Week in Tweets – April 6th

Hey everyone, welcome to "The #Canucks Week in Tweets!" Every week, I plan on bringing you the best of the Canucks on Twitter, from the reasonable to the totally ridiculous (okay, mostly ridiculous)! If you see a tweet you think should be featured here, get in touch with me at @cullenthecomic! 

You cheer for the Habs? Last place in the East didn’t deter you? You brave soul, you. Wait a minute, is that a Blackhawks fan I hear?

BLACKHAWKS FAN SEZ: YO MAN YOU LET OTHER DUDES TOUCH YOUR BERRIES?!?!? YOU SHOULD PLAY ON THE CANUCKS WITH THE SEDIN SISTERS, ITS LIKE A BERRY FESTIVAL IN THEIR DRESSING ROOM HAHAHAHA PUSSY MIKE JORDAN 4EVER 4REAL MAN 6 TITLES BISHHHHHHHH

Nothing like starting the week with input from our good friend, Blackhawks fan. Thank you, sir. More after the jump!

This actually isn’t a funny or offensive tweet at all, except for the fact that when I first read it, I thought it said "I’m going to paint my balls blue and green for the whole playoffs," and I got exceptionally worried that a) you have balls and b) the general dirtiness of having paint on them for months at a time.

 

You have no room for Cory Schneider? We should just start calling you Roberto Luongo. OH SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Lucky for you, we were able to reach Cory Schneider for comment. Cory?

"Well, you know, it makes sense. I mean, walls have a limited amount of space, and there’s just not always going to be room for you. I’m just going to have to keep working hard, and just trying to stay positive. Those other pictures have been up there for a long time, and it’s a big decision to just take one down. I wouldn’t just rip a picture down either. I know my time will come."

 

 

SIGN YOU’RE A FLAMES FAN #456234-a: You’re looking forward to the debut of Akim Aliu.

SIGN YOU’RE A FLAMES FAN #10: You wish to see other teams’ players injured.

SIGN YOU LIVE IN CALGARY #653098: You think the airport is a cool enough place to put in your Twitter handle. To be fair, it is about where Calgary tops out. 

 

Wow, good for you. When you went to tweet a joke, you thought, "Hm. In which ways can I be as hacky as possible?" and you chose two of the most obvious "jokes" in hockey: jokes about playing golf, and jokes about the Sedins being women. I’m fully impressed by your complete lack of ingenuity and just your overall indolence. Were you watching Dane Cook right before you tweeted this?

 

Um. You’re from California. What the hell do you know about who is from where and how good they are? And last I checked, Boston was in America. You know, that place that you are also from? And you’re a Sharks fan. This has pretty much nothing to do with you. In fact, for getting involved somewhere you shouldn’t and ignoring basic geography, congratulations Justin Barker, you are the recipient of the OFFICIAL Canucks Army You’re Doing it Wrong Tweet of the Week!

Stick to things you know more about, like what liquor is available in 40 oz. bottles and how to pump gas.

 

Did you fail high school? Was your hockey team in last place? Because this makes absolutely no sense. Maybe if you were a Canucks fan, you’d be intelligent enough to figure it out. I’d tell you to Google "glory holes", but…you probably shouldn’t. It’s scary there.

 

Gregg Williams likes hockey?!?!? #easy #tooeasy #topicaljoke #hacker #notguilty #suspendableoffense #hashtag

 

I actually lost my finger on the chainsaw I was planning on using on your computer, so you were forced not to ever tweet boring garbage like this. For a guy who proclaims to have "unreal hockey chirps", you sure suck at it. I’d hate to see what your "real" chirps look like. "Hey Burrows! You smell! HAHAHA I’M A BEAUTY!!!!"

 

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