You Know What I Hate?! – NOV 21

This guy is a famous actor AND he’s angry. But he’s probably just acting like he’s angry.
Cuz that’s what those crazy actor types do. Anyway, I’m angry too.
Photo Reuters/IBTimes

Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.

In this week’s edition, I’m fed up with CROSBYWATCH, Kesler telling us to zip it, and seeing who’s at the top of the league standings.

You know what I hate?! CROSBYWATCH! Man, am I tired of the constant updates on the minutae of Crosbydom as we, the meeger and humble masses, await the Lord’s return. Thankfully, the Messiah returns to action tonight. And how do we know that CROSBYWATCH has gone too far?! The CBC is picking up tonight’s Penguins/Islanders game!! Are you kidding?! This is going to be a horrible game, the Penguins are going to destroy the Islanders, the Islanders are starting a rookie goalie for his first ever NHL game. It’s gonna be bad. But God forbid we turn away from the exalted return of his Hockey Lord and Saviour.

You know what I hate?! The Oilers and the Flames were able to lay a Wild Rose Smack Down on the Chicago Blackhawks, but the Canucks looked like patsies. GAH! The Blackhawks came away from Rogers Arena with a 5-1 win  last week and looked full value on the win. The score probably flattered the Blackhawks a little, and spoke more to how bad the Canucks disintegrated in the third period, but the Hawks certainly deserved the two points. They then travel to Alberta and get outscored 14-4 (5-2 @ CGY, and 9-2 @ EDM). We know that the Blackhawks are better than that, and we know that the Flames and Oilers wouldn’t generally be good enough to lay those kind of beatdowns on the Hawks on any other night. But what has ME so angry is that the Oilers had 4 AHL’ers on their defence and STILL held the Hawks to 2 goals, thanks to great goaltending. And yes, they filled the net. This is all just further proof that the Canucks have to get their collective defensive sh^&t together pronto.

You know what I hate?! Ryan Kesler thinks we shouldn’t criticize the Canucks when they win. WHAT?! Kesler’s comments coem on the heels of the Canucks 2-1 overtime win last night against the Ottawa Senators. Nonononono, Kes. First of all, the Canucks barely won that game. If not for the heroics of Cory Schneider, the Sens would have taken both points and left the Canucks empty-handed again. The Canucks did not deserve to win that game. The Sens outplayed them and outchanced them, but the Canucks out-lucked them. There was plenty to criticise, and the lineup started with Kesler, whose play has been well below par since his return. Kes, I loves you mate, but when you and your team are playing like crap (win OR lose), you’re gonna hear about it. Welcome to Vancouver, pal.

You know what I hate?! The Minnesota f%^&ing Wild and the Chicago motherf^&*^(*ing Blackhawks are tied for first overall in the NHL. GOD DAMNIT! That is such a nightmare. Do you know why it sucks that Minnesota is in first overall? Because they are 26th in total goals-for. 26th!!!! Do you know why it sucks that the Blackhawks are tied for first overall?! Because they are 26th in total goals-against!!! 26th!!!!! There is the ultimate proof that you can either outscore your defensive problems, or outsave your lack of goalscoring. And the Canucks aren’t doing either, especially at even strength. And now Canucks fans have look at the standings and see the Wild and Blackhawks perched at the top. F%&^!

You know what I hate?! The Replace the KB contest won’t frickin’ end EVER. God, that was the longest, most unnecessarily drawn out contest to be an unpaid blogger in the history of the innerwebz. What’s that, you say? The contest ended today? People should go vote right now for their favourite bloggers?

Oh. Ok then. Go vote for your favourite Canucks bloggers now! In case you need help, you need to go vote for Thomas Drace, Cam Charron, Jeff Angus, and The Stanchion. GO DO IT!!! CLICK HERE TO GO VOTE.