You Know What I Hate?!

He’s angry and so am I.

Today is the debut of a new weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.

In this week’s debut, I rage on icing rules, Cooke apologists and everyone’s "favourite" CBC employee.

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You know what I hate?! Touch-up icing. I despise it. Every time i see two 200 lb freight trains screaming towards the same point, I tense up and cringe. Because you know it’s coming. One of these days, your favourite player is going to snap his leg… Or his neck. As a parent with a kid in hockey, it’s pretty easy to see how much safer no-touch icing is. And we see it at every IIHF hockey game. It’s time to get rid of this ridiculous rule. And I’m not talking about changing it in favour of any hybrid icing rule. No. Put in no-touch icing now. Right now. Immediately. Save some careers.

You know what I hate?! Morons who defended Matt Cooke when he got smacked in the coconut by Cory Sarich in the Penguins game against the Flames on Saturday. He has spent his career trying to end his fellow NHLPA members’ careers without cheap, inexcusable, dangerous malicious hits. When a borderline objectionable hit gets planted on him, the apologists came out saying, "It’s disgusting to wish injury on someone!". There’s a difference between wishing injury on someone and hoping someone tastes their own bullsh*t head-targeting elbow-throwing medicine. As our boy MLSE said on Twitter following the Sarich hit, "Live by the filthy, unconscionable hit, die by the filthy, unconscionable hit."

You know what I hate?! One Canucks game in eight days. That’s retarded. And then they play 3 games in four days, including back-to-back games in Philadelphia then Detroit. So you know what ELSE I hate?! NHL schedule makers! IDIOTS!! C’mon you jackasses, sort this garbage out. You would think that that a Stanley Cup finalist would be showcased a little more often in the first two weeks of the regular season than 1 game in 8 days. But then again… You know who everyone else hates?! The Vancouver Canucks. #embracethehate

You know what I hate?! LOSER POINTS. I hate this so much… it-it- the f – it -flam – flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths… Heathing… (and if you know this reference, then I love you.) I do not understand why the NHL insists on keeping this stupid system. It makes the standings harder to figure out and it is completely different than EVERY OTHER MAJOR SPORT IN NORTH AMERICA. You want more people to follow your game? Give them standings that they can understand. Change these stupid rules to Wins and Losses. Then you don’t have to count points. Just wins and games-back. Simple.

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You know who I hate?! DONALD S. CHERRY. Holy cow. What a buffoon. He calls out former fighters who step up for their fallen brethren. What an archaic, ignorable ass. It’s time for the CBC to put him out to pasture. He does not represent the views of most Canadians. Or hockey fans. Or smart people. His tired schtick has gone from being that of your crazy, irreverent uncle to that of your insane grandpa who’s ready to be checked into an old-folks home because he needs 24-hour supervision. I’m done with him.