Between a Rock and a Hard Place


Well there you have it – Ryan Kesler in the buff.

The photo is ultimately somewhat awkward in my honest opinion. I mean I get it, it’s meant to channel those statues of Olympians from antiquity and such – but it just doesn’t work for me. Don’t get me wrong, Kesler’s a really good looking fellow with marvelous abs, but something about the pose leaves me cold.

Maybe it’s the way his member is hidden between his legs – and how I can’t help but think of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs as a result. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I could go for a little bit more butt-cheek? Is it the fact that I – a straight dude (allegedly) – spent ten minutes looking at the photo trying to figure out why I wasn’t more impressed? Or maybe it’s the meta pirate themed hello-kitty figurine in the background of the photo of the photo…

More likely, I’m just disappointed because I  was hoping he’d be naked but on skates, preferably holding a pineapple to cover his junk. I was hoping for a silly action-shot photo, kind of like this classic:

But that’s not what this is and that’s fine. Regardless of my reaction to the shot – kudos to Kesler for having the balls to bear it all on national newsstands. I could never do it (granted I’m a tubby dude with more body hair than most house-hold pets).

Now to be a fly on the boards lucky enough to hear the chirps that Kesler will endure as a result of this image once he fully recovers from Hip-Labrum surgery and hits the ice over the next couple of weeks… I bet the likes of David Backes will have a field day.