Questions From a Stanchion

The Stanchion
November 14 2011 10:59AM

                                                

Is Jeff Cowan angry at Aaron Rome for stealing his gimmick?

Look Aaron. I get it. You want to make a name for yourself. And the easiest way to do that is to use a play right out of Jeff Cowan’s famous Self Help Book: “From Cowan to Bra-Barian, How to Gain Fans:  Score Goals”.  I understand you want to show off a different side to your game. I really do. But I have spent the better part of two years making fun of you, so it’s just a bit selfish of you to do this to me right now. You’re kind of making me look like a jerk. People are loving this way too much and are throwing it in my face on a daily basis. I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to stop scoring so many goals. People are even trying to vote you into the All-Star game. You have become some sort of horrifying combination of Jeff Cowan and Rory Fitzpatrick.

Is Cody Hodgson becoming a legitimate NHL player before our very eyes?

Cody Hodgson looks like he belongs. If ever there was proof of this, it was last night, as Cody Hodgson  won the majority of his puck battles, he got over fifteen minutes of ice time, and then he topped it all off by making fun of Aaron Rome’s scoring streak after the game.  The only thing that is left is to be called a diving coward by the fans from other teams, and his transition into a full time NHL player will be complete.

So who is going to be the first guy to bull doze Tim Thomas?

I kind of hope nobody nails Thomas before the Canucks face Boston, but I assume now that the league has said it’s open season on goalies (assuming the NHL doesn’t suspend Lucic when they go for coffee and talk about how awesome it was when the Bruins won last year) people will be running Thomas left and right. Thomas plays pretty far out from his crease, so who is to say that maybe someone else’s “momentum” carries them into Thomas' face?  Who is to say that maybe someone else’s skate doesn’t become detached and begin to stab at Thomas? Who is to say maybe someone else’s stick doesn’t accidentally swing at the back of Thomas’ knee repeatedly? Though who am I kidding, if anyone runs Thomas, Aaron Rome will get suspended. “Gary, Paul Gaustad just ran over Thomas. There is blood everywhere!” “DAMNIT. You know what to do.” “Suspend Rome 4 games?” “Exactly.”

Will Pavel Bure ever get into the Hockey Hall of Fame?

I don’t know. But I want to see what Valeri Bure will do if his brother doesn’t make it into the hall. If the Canucks not retiring Bure’s jersey got Valeri to flip and throw a tantrum on the team 1040 radio station, I can only imagine what Valeri has planned for the national stage.

Do moustaches evoke the power of 80’s hockey and allow mediocre players to excel?

Steve Montador. Aaron Rome. Josh Harding. These are just some of the players to cash in on the phenomenon known as  Mo’Mentum. What is Mo’Mentum you ask? Mo’Mentum is the act of growing a moustache and utilizing the power of the ‘stache to make you a better player. This act of magic has not been seen in many years (the latest rumor of it being used was by George Parros, who used his ‘stache to give him just enough talent to stay in the NHL) but with the advent of Movember, more and more players are realizing the power of the ‘stache. Ray Ferraro is probably angry that players are re-discovering the power of the creepy moustache, something he used often during his career, but it’s too late Ray, people are finding out what made you such a good player. There is no other explanation for why mediocre players are on fire right now. The only question that remains now is whether or not these players will decide to keep their ‘stache past Movember.  Sometimes players think they are bigger than the ‘stache. Those are the players that are going to fall back to earth. Keep the moustache Aaron.

Will this be the first time in Aaron Rome’s career that he gets picked up in a fantasy pool?

I’m pretty sure Aaron Rome wouldn’t even pick himself in a 16 team hockey pool. But now that Aaron was listed as the NHL’s top star yesterday, Aaron Rome has moved from being owned by 0% of people in fantasy hockey, to ONE PERCENT.

Mo’Mentum!!

Was Ed Belfour hung over at the HHOF ceremony or does he just really love jeans that much?

Ed had one of the biggest days of his career over the weekend and he chose to say no to a suit and instead decided to march to the beat of his own drum by rocking the less formal look. I am glad Belfour went with the leather jacket and jeans look as opposed to his first choice, shirtless and hung over while punching Alex Auld look.

                  

When will the Canucks go into Beast Mode?

I want to see the Canucks win three games in a row again. Screw this losing every other game business. I want Ryan Kesler to be dominating teams so badly that they ask the NHL to fold their franchise so they never have to go through the pain of Ryan Kesler again. Come on Canucks. It’s time to activate President’s Trophy mode and start piling up the W’s. 

Can the mainstream media shut up about Sidney Crosby already?

I am not downplaying the severity of a concussion. I am not trying to make light of the seriousness of Crosby's injury. But oh my god, I do not need 24/7 updates on how Crosby will NOT be playing during the next game. I think I have been told about three thousand times now how many games Crosby will NOT be playing. Leave it to the local media in Pittsburgh to run that story. Don't bring it to a national scale. I am sure Crosby having a Tim Bit for breakfast might be a sign he is playing tonight, or that Sidney looked good playing Madden on his X-Box last night, but I just don't want to hear it. It gets embarassing when Darren Dreger confirms to us in his super serious voice that Crosby will 100% not play tonight only to turn around and see head coach Dan Bylsma tell us it isn't 100% certain if Crosby is playing or not. At this point I can't wait for TSN to update us that "Sidney Crosby is listed as day to day with an upper body injury." Just tell me when Crosby plays. Don't tell me when he isn't. 

Ed73c95199a7c52e70a7ff5fe66a1e13
Current freelance writer for The Province and Canucks Army. You can find me on twitter @thestanchion screaming about sports and making fun of Eddie Lack's gaming skills.
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#1 Zandberg
November 14 2011, 12:56PM
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Oh yeah, make Rome's hot streak all about YOUR feelings! haha. Just kidding, man.

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#2 Marda Miller
November 14 2011, 01:08PM
Trash it!
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You are the 1% - admit it!

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#3 #12
November 14 2011, 05:43PM
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My Aaron Rome jersey just arrived in the mail today! It's gonna be awesome when he wins the Art Ross and leads the Canucks to their first Stanley Cup with 16 straight victories in the playoffs. All done with the power of his moustache!

And if Crosby could grow a moustache, its sheer power would wipe away the effects of his concussion.

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