Questions from a Stanchion

The Stanchion
October 27 2011 11:34AM

Much like Jack Bauer, I too often stop cleaning my gun to scream momentarily.
Much like Jack Bauer, I too often stop cleaning my gun to scream momentarily.

Every week I plan on asking questions, questions I don't have answers to. I invite the community to help answer these questions. It is through these questions that I hope we can build a stronger Canuck Army, one capable of making Bieksa stop playing like an ass-clown, and one that makes Dan Hamhuis not attempt a hip check with the power of a 5 year old girl. So without further ado, I invite you to step inside and take a look at......Questions from a Stanchion.

Question: If Aaron Rome comes back and turns this team around, do I have to buy a Rome jersey and apologize for my years of Rome jokes? Or can I attribute the turnaround to Alain Vigneault choosing a new brand of gum?

Question: If Luongo loses in net, and then Schneider loses in net, can we still blame Dan Cloutier for this seasons poor start? I'd like to think that the shadow of Dan Cloutier has never left this team, and in fact, must be purged with some sort of satantic ritual lest we suffer the Curse of the Danbino forever.

Question: Can we make fun of Boston's poor start while conveniently ignoring our crappy start? Because I'd sure like to.

Question: Did  somebody forget to tell the Northwest Division that it is supposed to be the worst in hockey, with the Canucks on top? Why is Colorado winning? Doesn't this mean Colorado has to trade their best forward and a defenceman for another defenceman of questionably better value? I like to use hockey metaphors for life, and when I can't make the "My monday feels like a Colorado Avalanche kind of day" metaphor, it really bums me out. 

Question: Can the media stop pretending the Oilers are thinking about sending Ryan Nugent Hopkins down to junior anytime soon? Unless Mark Lee's plan of kidnapping Ryan, breaking his legs, and making Ryan act out goals in his bed comes to fruition, the Nuge is here to stay. Not that that should stop SportsNet from talking about it during every intermission. Of every game they play. Regardless of what sport. "Bottom of the 9th here in the World Series, game 6, two men on, Rangers down by one run, two outs....but first lets throw it back to Nick Kypreos in studio, as he wants to weigh in on if the Oilers should send Nugent-Hopkins back down."

Question: Will people ever learn that October is not a full indicator of how a season is going to progress? This happens every year. One team that wasn't thought to do well starts hot, and eventually falls to earth. One team that was supposed to be good, gets off to a poor start. In most cases, things even out. I don't think we need a roundtable discussion on what parts the Canucks should sell off at the deadline and whether or not we think we should flip our upcoming 2nd overall pick to drop down 2 spots to take a chance on that American kid with the funny lisp. 

Question: If I go as Cody Hodgson for Halloween, will Alain Vigneault hunt me down and bench me? Or worse, drop me down in the lineup? "Nope, you have to trick or treat the downtown east side, no West Van for you!"

Question: If Ryan Kesler is on a two on one with Ryan Kesler, will he ever pass to himself? Or does the world just stop at this point?

Question: How long until Roberto Luongo and Cory Schneider start fighting over who doesn't have to start?

Question: Does Alex Edler believe his wrist shot can explode through someones ankles? Because I'm pretty sure he does.

These have been this weeks Questions. See you all next week for more.....you guessed it. Nachos. Oh and questions. Yes. Questions.

Ed73c95199a7c52e70a7ff5fe66a1e13
Current freelance writer for The Province and Canucks Army. You can find me on twitter @thestanchion screaming about sports and making fun of Eddie Lack's gaming skills.
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#1 Mattthemascot
October 27 2011, 02:56PM
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ive got a question for jack bauer. if hes so cool can he start in goal? i mean hes american so lets make this a real team america! f*$k yeah

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#2 Mattthemascot
October 27 2011, 02:57PM
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question when will alex edler realize hes not nicklas lidstrom?

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#4 Marda Miller
October 27 2011, 07:15PM
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Boston Sucks. Wow ... I feel better about the Canucks already.

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