Today I return with my regular feature of venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and other happenings around the NHL. Two things about this feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every week, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.
This week, I hate rooting for the wrong team, fending off fellow fans, and Megna’s magnitude of minutes.
You know what I hate?! Cheering for the Chicago Blackhawks. And I did it. I cheered for Blackhawks on Tuesday to beat the Canucks. I cheered vocally and demonstrably and voraciously. I felt gross doing it, but it had to be done. As a card-carrying member of Team Tank, there are no days off. You don’t get to pick and choose when to apply the love of the tank. So if you have to cheer for the Blackhawks and the Bruins and the Oilers and the like, you just do it. I’ll be cheering for delicious regulation losses for the rest of the season. Oh look, as I’m writing this, the Blues just scored to go ahead. How wonderful.
You know what I hate?! Defending my stance as a Canucks fan. Let’s get this straight – the Vancouver Canucks NEED to tank. Anything else is counter-productive. You can tell me all you like that winning helps the young players’ confidence. That’s just garbage. These players have all been on winning teams before so they don’t suddenly need to learn this. These players KNOW the team stinks. They know where they are in the standings. Winning or losing right now should have no impact on their collective psyche. Admittedly, I’m not a sports psychologist but if these young’ns need wins to help them feel better then the Canucks have much bigger problems than their place in the standings. So when other Canucks say that the tankists aren’t real fans, because you always want the team to win no matter what, I call bullshit of the highest order. No. I want what is BEST for the Vancouver Canucks, for whom I’ve cheered since I was five. And what is best for this team is to tank. Tanking leads to the best possible draft position. Tanking leads to a much-needed shake-up behind the bench. Tanking may also lead to an upheaval in the front office. All of these things need to happen for the Canucks to get back on a path to improvement. First and foremost, Willie needs to go.
You know what I hate?! Willie Desjardins’ unabashed love for Jayson Megna. It is inexcusable to play Megna as much as he has. He doesn’t provide offence, yet we see him with the Sedins. He’s not particularly good defensively, yet Willie has stated repeatedly that he plays Megna because he trusts him in their own zone. He’s also not young, so that’s contrary to the new management mantra to play the kids. Despite that, he’s getting selected over Boucher and others. Luckily now, Willie’s toy has been taken away from him because of injury, so poor, sad Desjardins is going to be forced to play ACTUAL youngsters.
You know what I hate?! Waiting this long to get back to writing here at CanucksArmy. It was lazy and dumb and silly to stop writing in the first place since I like it so much. But A LOT has happened to your old pal Cam in the last 4+ years and it was time to get back to doing something I really enjoyed. A huge thanks to JD and the rest of the crew for being awesome.
Editor’s note: We’re glad to have you back, Cam.