This faux hipster dummy accountant is angry. And so am I. He’s made because I keep asking
if I can write off pajama pants as a business expense.
(Photo via worldphoto.org)
Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.
This week, I’m the guy that says ‘You’re a moron’ to the Hodgson camp, double-standards and Strombone’s noisy hangers-on. As they say on TSN, they’re a dud.
You know what I hate?! The Hodgson camp. Much of the whining and politicking that has surrounded Hodgson over the past six months appears to be coming from people associated with Cody Hodgson, rather than CoHo himself. I don’t really have too much of an issue with Hodgson himself, but my ability to give Cody himself the benefit of the doubt has dissolved to its last string. That said… Holy crap, can everyone in the Hodgson camp shut the hell up?! We know now that the request for more ice time came from Hodgson’s agent, Ritch Winter, as well as some strong input from Cody’s dad. And there was a LOT of push out of Winter and Papa Hodgson. Now, we have an interview from John Vogl of the Buffalo News with Hodgson’s training svengali, Gary Roberts, in which Roberts takes cheap pot shots at Mike Gillis as a retort on Gillis’s comments last week. Why is Roberts sounding off about Hodgson’s organizational disagreements anyway? He’s Cody’s personal trainer and nutritionist, for crying out loud. Roberts obviously felt a need to respond to what Gillis said, in what was an obviously calculated article from Coho And Co. Gary Roberts should stick to handing out weird pink vitamin drinks and let Hodgson’s idiot agent do his politicking for him. The bloom is quickly falling off the rose of Mr. Hodgson. Any more moves like this and Cody is going to lose the "Get Out of Jail Free" card on to which he’s clinging, and will officially and rightfully be stamped with "DIVA".
You know what I hate?! The double-standard on making excuses. As Joel Ward scored the game-winning overtime goal for Washington, many Bruins fans took to Twitter and Facebook to hurl disgusting racial epithets at the Capitals winger. In the wake of this inexcusable behaviour, many took to Twitter to ensure the public that this was merely a small subsection of Bruins fans and implored the public to avoid painting all Bruins fans with the same brush. That’s very true. But where was THIS explanation one year ago?! Where was that reasoning as a small subsection of Canucks fans took to the streets of Vancouver and set it ablaze? No, instead, it was very easy for opposing fanbases and media to point at Vancouver and say, "You see? All Canucks fans are just as worthy of hate and vitriol as their team! Look what they do to their own city!" So hours of calling Joel Ward the most horrible, vile names is easily explained and dismissed as a isolated incident by a small group of fans. However the riot, proven to be perpetrated by only a small group of complete idiots, was clearly the result of our entire thuggish and contemputous fanbase. This proves one thing – no matter what good they do as a team or a fanbase, the Canucks and their fans will ALWAYS be hated by the entire league. If Bruins fans can somehow garner empathy, but Canucks fans can’t, that pretty much salts it away right there.
You know what I hate?! The strombone situation is getting perilously close to jumping the shark. The back-and-forth between Luongo (@strombone1) and a Blackhawks-turned-Lu fan (@NotBobbyLu) was, and still is, very witty and highly amusing. There are now a WHOLE bunch of weird tangential parody accounts, created in the wake of the explosion in popularity of the conversation between Luongo and his newest confidant. With all of these parodies trying to hone in on this unique relationship, it’s beginning to feel like it’s losing its lustre. If you isolate Lu’s tweets alone and ignore all of the mess created by the influx of parodies, he’s still ridiculously entertaining and funny on his own. So, don’t get sucked into reading all the nonsense from @MrsNotBobbyLu @RealBobbyLu @MrsRealBobbyLu and others, because they’re just noise. Stay true. Stick to strombone, and pray that it doesn’t get out of hand.
You know what I hate?! The drop in the number of the hockey games means more baseball and basketball highlights on my TV. PUUUUUUUUUKE. Baseball is so god-awfully boring and basketball is full of loathesome, highly egotistical personalities. I don’t see why people go so crazy about a dude that’s 7 feet tall dunking a basketball. Shouldn’t those guys be able to do that every single time? Do you know what’s impressive to me about basketball? When a guy is standing at the other end of the court and hurls a buzzer-beater into the basket . THAT’s impressive. Every thing else about basketball is stupid. The WORST part of a basketball game is the free-throw exhibition that occurs whenever a team is up by 8 to 10 points at the end of a game. God, that’s EXCRUCIATING. Just play the damn game. Imagine the end of a hockey game where the coach just called a timeout at every whistle. Horrible. And that’s what makes basketball so dumb. Basketball is stupid. Baseball is boring AND stupid. Hockey rules all.
You know what I hate?! Doing my taxes. I despise doing my taxes. Oh and because of that, I still haven’t done them yet. And before any of you goody-goodies out there go run off to Revenue Canada, I do my taxes on time every year, and will do them today. But I’ll hate doing it. And there will be plenty of swearing.