The Good The Bad and The More Bad

Maybe Hank can pick up a new helmet at the Equipment Sale.
I bet the "Daniel" would fit him just fine.
(Photo by Rich Lam/Getty Images North America)

This is a weekly feature that will highlight The Good, The Bad and The *fill in the blank* exciting things that are currently happening in the NHL. The Canucks are not playing hockey and John Tortorella has apparently taken a media vow of silence. These are officially the most uninteresting playoffs.

The Good: Equipment Sales!

Hey look – the Canucks are having an end of season equipment and apparel sale on June 9th! Yes, this is our reality and it really sucks. It seems like a not too distant memory that just one year ago the Canucks were kicking ass in the Western Conference Final. Life was good then. I was creating a Canucks Kickass Playlist on my iPod. The sun was shining, the beer was flowing and Canucks fans proudly wore their Canucks jerseys despite how hot it was outside. Now, the city of Vancouver is so eerily empty of Canucks garb – I don’t like it.

I have really had to dig to find something good to write about. The New Jersey Devils won a game in the enemy territory of Madison Square Gardens, yay Devils. The New York Rangers are playing intense playoff hockey while NOT making it seem like they just sauntered onto the ice and decided to pick up some sticks and score some goals like it was the easiest thing in the world. Thanks for your dedication to keeping it an entertaining sport, Rangers. Also, Henrik Lundqvist has eyes that are so blue and startling that he could hypnotize everyone trying to score on him if they weren’t hidden behind a mask. Like I said, digging for good news. Unlike the bad, of which there is plenty.

The Bad: The Kings Playoff Voodoo

What kind of mental warfare have the LA Kings been dishing out on every opponent that they have faced thus far in the playoffs and, is it legal? I’m still trying to understand just how they went from barely making it into the last playoff spot in the west to annihilating the President’s Trophy winners, the number two seed and now are halfway to beating the third seeded Coyotes in an attempt to advance to the Stanley Cup Final. I am perplexed, truly.

The Kings have lost ONE playoff game so far. ONE. And that one loss happened because of the Canucks, ages ago it seems. This is not what playoff hockey is supposed to be like! Where is the challenge? The difficulty? The nail-biting, heart pounding excitement? The Kings terrifying tear through these teams needs to stop because they are making an already boring series even more so. Dear Kings: YOU ARE RUINING HOCKEY. Stop being so damn good already. It really wouldn’t hurt you to lose a game or two and at least give the Coyotes, and the rest of us who torture ourselves by watching, the impression that they can compete against you.

And The More Bad

Off season is supposed to be fun for hockey players, providing that they don’t require any serious surgical repairs.  Some drink beers with college pals while others go hunting for bears.  Those seem like reasonably normal things. However, when your name is Patrick Kane and you are the darling of the image conscious Chicago Blackhawks, your inebriated escapades will not go unnoticed. And if you are David Booth and love to hunt and kill wildlife, people will scrutinize your decisions therefore posting photos and videos of your adventures will probably generate a strong response.

I wonder if the appearance on HBO’s 24/7 had any effect on John Tortorella and his decision to suddenly become mute during the press conferences. He is much more entertaining when he is screaming insults at reporters, especially after his team loses a game. He always has such insightful things to say. I hope this is just a phase and will not continue when the Rangers advance to the Final. Yes, I am pretty certain that they will. Also, I am undecided if it’s cruel to be amused at the Coyotes scrambling, panicking and become increasingly frustrated while ‘playing’ against the Kings (let’s face it, they are just puppets that are going to die a slow painful playoff death) or if I just feel sorry and commiserate with their suddenly huge fan base. The Finals train is rolling into the west and I am not sure that the desert dogs will get their ticket in time. Hollywood vs Broadway, East vs. West, what a showdown that would be. Two Vezina nominated goalies facing off … one can only dream.