The #Canucks Week in Tweets – Elimination Edition

Hey everyone, welcome to "The #Canucks Week in Tweets!" Every week, I plan on bringing you the best of the Canucks on Twitter, from the reasonable to the totally ridiculous (okay, mostly ridiculous)! If you see a tweet you think should be featured here, get in touch with me at @cullenthecomic! 

So, we’re done. It’s a sad time, made even worse by the complete ignoramuses on Twitter who feel like they’re entitled to kick a fanbase while they’re down–even if they support a terrible team on their own. I collected all these Tweets in the hour after the Canucks were officially eliminated from the playoffs, and you’re going to see just exactly how poor some people are at making fun of a team, showing class, or just generally being acceptable human beings. Enjoy.

You know what one thing first place does mean is? THAT WE ACTUALLY PLAYED IN THE PLAYOFFS. How did sitting back in 29th place work out for you? AND YOU WANT TO EXTEND YOUR GM’S CONTRACT!!! That’s the best part of it all. You know what else means shit? Your entire team. Because they were last in the Conference. Again. 

More after the jump! 

So, of all the pun insults you couldn’t have come up with, you choose Shitnucks? That doesn’t even make sense. You could’ve had Cansucks, Canfucks, Canfuck yourself, Cansuck it, I mean, the list is literally endless. Even the Canshits makes more sense. But you? Whoa no, we might as well break the bounds and go for something even stupider than that! I’m impressed. And why is CAN capitalized? So that we understand even further how utterly awful your insult is? I give up sometimes.

WE’RE LIKE SOULMATES BECAUSE I ALSO LOVE TREES!!! TREES ARE THE BEST!!! YEW! YEW! YEW! YEW!

Well, it is a bit of a rude question when you think about it. Guy has just gone through a really tough defeat, he’s clearly upset with himself and his players, and you ask him about his job security? Don’t make it sound like he’s some asshole because you asked a question he didn’t feel like answering. If you got a shitty performance review at The Globe and Mail, how would you react if I came up to you and said, "oh hey David, I heard your performance review wasn’t very good. So do you think you’re going to get fired? Huh, do you? Oh, you don’t wanna answer my question? MAN UP ASSHOLE"

You wouldn’t like that, would you? The media’s ego gets way too out of hand, especially when a man’s job is at stake. Cut him a bit of slack.

I just shared this because I think that would be amazing if a player just did that post-game. 

"So uhh, Canuck Player X, what do you have to say to all the people who have hated on your team this last little while?"

"I’M GETTING PAAAAAAIIIIIIIDDDDDDD BABY"

It baffles me how a local sports reporter can openly sewer a guy who essentially puts cash in his wallet, and this sort of thing happens all the time. It’s sick. I’d like to know, Mr. Solkowski, what Ryan Kesler speaking to YOU has to do with ANYTHING related to leadership, or accountability. He has accountability to his club and his teammates that I’m sure he answered for. Leadership doesn’t mean "talking to the media" like so many journos would have the public believe. Leadership is what happens in the room and on the ice, not off it.

Oh, and that lousy accountability? He came out a day later and said he had a poor season and vowed to all Canucks fans to be much better next year. So much for that theory.

There were thousands and thousands of riot jokes made in the aftermath of the Game 5 loss, and perhaps deservedly so. I mean, we did set our city on fire last year. But we’re no Montréal, we don’t riot in Round 1, come on people! I’m just shocked and appalled that someone so well-known and well-liked as Jim Rome, who is supposed to be an original voice in sports with a slight comedy to it, would make such an obvious and awful riot joke. At least be original, man! Maybe a Canuck fan could swing by and light you on fire! You can never be too careful. 

Turning to Twitter for classy comments is like turning to McDonald’s for health food. And wasn’t it your hockey team’s official Twitter account that tweeted the most high-profile, least-classy tweet of the playoffs thus far? So low class even your captain was forced to comment on it in the media? Robb, you’ve clearly gotten this very, very wrong. And for that, I present you with the OFFICIAL!! Canucks Army "You’re Doing It Wrong" Tweet of the Week Award! Congratulations sir!

Yeah, I’m pretty sure Keith Ballard is just going to stroll into Mike Gillis’ office in his exit meetings, turn to Mr. Gillis, and say "you know what, Mike? I kinda suck. And that second line? Yeah, it sucks too. You should pay me less. This contract I have? It’s dumb. Why did you even trade for it, anyway? That was really stupid. If we’re being honest, I shouldn’t have signed it, either. I know I’m not worth $4.5m. We both screwed up. Let’s be men and fix this."

Pretty sure that’s EXACTLY how that meeting is going to go.

And with that spelling, you have completely disgrassed yourself, your famillie, youre dogs, yore sibblinges, and Kanuckes fans everyware. Congradulasions!

  • 24% body fat

    First of All,

    Win a Cup than the Canucks will matter.

    Second of All, you rip a reporter saying that the player pretty much pays his salary. But you defend Kesler when he doesnt come out and speak to the media so the fans can get some answers. Those people more directly pay Keslers salary the he the reporters.

    Just plain bitterness here. LOL and you cant handle a little joke like Romes? Terrible, every team gets made fun of for something. I guess there is just an inferiority complex if this is all you can come up with to write about is what other people are saying.

    Maybe look into the fact the the Sedins start 80 percent of there shifts in the O zone but manage to finish only 50 percent there. Your so called two best players arent driving the puck in the right direction or doing there job.

    • John Cullen

      Kesler came out the next day and apologized for his play and said he was going to get better. I think that’s awesome. I don’t need his comments immediately after the game. They don’t make me any more or less of a fan because they came a day later.

      And who said I can’t handle Rome’s joke? I just think it’s ridiculously hack-ish and supremely lazy. For a guy who has nearly 800k followers on Twitter, I’d expect a hell of a lot better than “a Canucks fan is setting something on fire.”

      If you think the point of this column is to analyze the Sedins zone starts, you have come to the wrong place.

  • Marda Miller

    “and you’re going to see just exactly how poor some people are at making fun of a team, showing class, or just generally being acceptable human beings.”

    That is one of the best descriptions I have seen for how canuck fans behave year round.

    Cheer for a team that has won something before you run your mouth.

    The reason Rome would make a joke like that is that for everybody not in Vancouver, it is still very funny.

    @Marda – why don’t you go see if Kesler will take his pants off for ya.