The #Canucks Week in Tweets – Playoff Edition

Hey everyone, welcome to "The #Canucks Week in Tweets!" Every week, I plan on bringing you the best of the Canucks on Twitter, from the reasonable to the totally ridiculous (okay, mostly ridiculous)! If you see a tweet you think should be featured here, get in touch with me at @cullenthecomic! 

Ron Hextall, Martin Brodeur, and most recently, Cam Ward disagree with you. Goalies CAN score goals, Hugh. You know what? That’s our problem! Freakin’ Luongo can only stop goals, he can’t score them! What a waste! Why did we pay him so much? I blame Mike Gillis.

There’s a few idiots who made this schedule…

Several reasons, each worse than the last. Poor hockey players. There are some others who aren’t super fans of this decision either…

I’d like to take this time to point out a few things:

1) The Vancouver Canucks have absolutely nothing to do with booking Rogers Arena. If you think they wanted to play 2 games in 7 days, you are dumber than this tweet;

2) What did Coldplay ever do to you, man? You seem unnecessarily angry. Maybe you should listen to some Coldplay! Might calm you down a bit.

This guy seems even less happy….

Calling a stadium gay? Now that’s something a Blackhawks fan would do! Pull your life together, Daniel! Though I have to admit, if the CN Tower was also gay…that would be some pretty hot stadium-on-landmark action.

Last year, the Canucks made the Stanley Cup Finals, and when they decided to tweak their team this year for another deep run at the Cup, they decided it would be better to do it without the services of Torres. The Oilers did exactly the same thing the year after they won the Cup. So your theory holds absolutely no weight. I’d love to see Torres deliver the same hit to you and see how you feel after. He’d likely make chewing tobacco out of your hair, smear on some blackface and pretend he’s Josh Gibson. IT’S HOMER TIME WITH YOUR FACE SON

WE’RE STILL TRYING TO FORGET DAMMMMMMMIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Considering the mass amount of tears, sadness, and overall depression that comes with being a Leafs fan…

Are they really the stupid ones? Or are you?

Ladies and gentleman, I give to you: our RIOT TWEET OF THE WEEK! This is just phenomenal, isn’t it? We definitely need some more time, this first round exit could be tough on a whole lot of us, and we just can’t wait to burn this city down. 

That, or Coldplay. One of the two.

Twitter homophobia, you are my favorite kind of homophobia. 

Considering you had 23 points as a 19 year-old playing Junior A, I’d say you should take whatever invites to whatever camps you can get. 

Phil, I’m just speculating that the "Hawks" in question are not the Chicago Blackhawks, but your Jr. A team, the Hawkesbury Hawks. In which case, I feel it’s right to inform you that you can’t play for them after next year. You know that, right? You also know the Canucks are an NHL team, right? You know, that league that pays its players millions of dollars annually to play a game you’ve no doubt put your whole life into?

I think I’m not alone in saying that Phil, you’re doing it wrong. Congratulations on winning the weekly Canucks Army You’re Doing It Wrong Tweet of the Week!

I hope you think about it some more and then turn it down. Maybe the Hawks can form some kind of birther scandal so you can stretch your career out another two years before you inevitably turn to community college, and a life doing things that playing hockey throughout your teenage years in no way prepared you for.