Ricky Gervais is angry. And so am I. He’s the only person worth watching
as host of an awards show. And you should skip the rest of the show and just watch him.
Photo courtesy moviephone
Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday (this week, Tuesday!), and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.
This week, I rip the awards out of the hands of Slap Shot, Sportsnet and Trade Deadline Day coverage.
You know what I hate?! Love and praise for "Slap Shot". As I mentioned in Cheers and Jeers on Friday, most hockey movies are bloody awful. Have you ever watched Youngblood? It’s so bad, it invokes equal parts cringes and laughter. What I DON’T understand is how so many hockey people absolutely love Slap Shot… Folks, listen closely. Slap Shot is f&*king terrible! Everything about Slap Shot is terrible. The writing, the acting, the story… all terrible. The fact that the Hansen brothers have become such lauded hockey-pop icons is baffling. It seems like this love affair with Slap Shot is driven by hockey folks who are 40+, which just happens to be demographic of the vast majority of hockey MSM’ers. With the release of Goon, which by all accounts is a really good movie, I am desperately hopeful that those of us who are younger than 40 will have a NEW hockey flick to hang our hat on. Something to elevate to cult status and ultimate knock Slap Shot from its inexplicable perch.
You know what I hate?! Eklund’s obvious trolling. I realize that everyone who values honesty has huge problems with Eklund in general. But for me, most of that hatred is pointed squarely at the mindless idiots who pay that goof any money at all for "access" to his stupid site. However, he reaches new lows every Trade Deadline with his obvious and insulting trolling. All he is doing is trying to drive traffic to his site. That’s it. He wants ad revenue, kids, and if you visit his site, you give him the ammo to make more money.
So stop going to his damn site. PERIOD. Oh, and just to confirm how useless Eklund is… less than two days ago, Eklund tweeted that he wasn’t under the impression that Kostitsyn was going to Nashville. Guess what, folks – today’s first trade was Kostitsyn to Nashville. God, this guy is so terrible at what he does is sickening. What’s more sickening? PEOPLE ARE PAYING HIM FOR THIS BULLSH*T.
You know what I hate?! This year’s boring trade deadline. And what has led to this year’s boring trade deadline? The utterly false sense of hope that many teams still have that they will make the playoffs. This is all part of Gary Bettman’s plan to keep this interesting in this league. No, Gary. Trade deadline day makes things interesting. Trades are fun. 4 points separating 8 teams thanks to the idiocy of the "loser point" is not fun – it’s annoying, artificial and stupid.
And because only a few teams feel they are out of the playoffs, the prices are way too high and therefore nobody is buying. What’s worse though is that TSN and Sportsnet are STILL devoting hours and hours of live television and internet coverage to today’s transactions. Sorry guys, but you’re wasting your time and money and resources.
You know what I hate?! Rogers Sportsnet. Almost everything about it is . They are trying so hard to be a big-boy sports network and just continue to miss the mark. I feel bad for a few guys at that network. Brad Fey and Jeff Marek are quality dudes, and their talents are being wasted at Sportsnet.
Now, turning my ire specifically on the Pacific branch of the network, since that’s the one I watch… Don Taylor’s schtick is tired and old. Garry Valk only speaks in well-chiseled cliches. When he does offer an opinion or analysis, he’s hideously off the mark. Dan Murphy is best buddies with every Canucks player and is so shockingly sensitive if you dare suggest that he isn’t an "independent sports journalist". John Shorthouse is a really good play by play man. He is. I like Shorty and he is the ONE portion of Sportsnet Pacific that I can tolerate. I’d give him a solid 7.5 out of 10 as a play-by-play guy. John Garrett was once a half-decent colour commentator. Now he has regressed into such a caricature that it’s embarrassing. All he does is talk about food and say "Yes." Garrett used to offer insight. Now he’s just a time filler. If you want to see and hear a great broadcast tandem, look no further than Jim Hughson and Craig Simpson, or Chris Cuthbert and Ray Ferraro. Both sets of broadcasters are as close to a 10/10 as it gets in the business.
And it’s no surprise that neither of those tandems is on Sportsnet. It’s time for a complete overhaul – if not at the network in general, at least at the Pacific bureau. If it wasn’t for the fact that they carried the actual Canucks games, I would have no reason to watch Sportsnet. Right now, I turn on the game at 7:07pm and turn it off as soon as the final horn sounds, and a not a second more. If you want great hosts, anchors and entertaining and insightful analysis, watch TSN. This is a no-brainer.
You know what I hate?! Awards shows of any kind. First we were given the Grammys, which were a disaster. Then we had the Oscars last night which, based on everything I read, were more boring than a Devils/Wild game. Billy Crystal used to be quite funny. Now, he’s old and tired. And apparently, that’s the best that the Oscar producers could do.
Look, I hate all awards shows in general. The hosts are awful, the skits are terrible, the speeches are embarrassing and awkward, and the winners are rarely worthy of the awards they receive. These awards and the shows are run by a bunch of out-of-touch old white men with no view into the pulse of what is gripping or relevant. To summarize, unless your award show is hosted by Ricky Gervais, I don’t care. And even then, I’m only going to watch Gervais and skip the rest.