This mob is angry. And so am I.
Honestly though… is a mob ever NOT angry? Otherwise, it’s really just a gathering.
Photo courtesy FOX/The Simpsons
Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.
In this week’s edition, I give a stern look of disapproval to NHL schedule makers (AGAIN!), Wayne Gretzky and frigging ICING THE KICKER!
You know what I hate?! Any The Canucks schedule between now and the beginning of March! Brought up on Twitter last night by Blake Price, the Canucks have a grand total of 1 Friday night game and 2 Saturday games between now and March 1. What a brutal way for the NHL schedule makers to take advantage of Canucks sell-outs and fervent fan base. We have to endure and endless stream of mid-week games while the likes of Toronto and WINNIPEG (?!?!) get a litany of weekend games.
You know what I hate?! (And I say this with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, as I have three young daughter.) Overbearing fathers of grown women. I’m looking at you, Wayne Gretzky. Y u heff make daughter close the sexy time Twitter account?! She’s a grown up. If she wants to arouse perverts on the innerwebz with hot pics, then so be it. C’mon Wayne. Don’t deny us of this joy. The world is better off with her photos in our lives. Luckily for us all, Paulina didn’t take her dad’s threats too seriously. She closed down her Twitter account… But re-opened it faster than it took the Great One to score five goals in a game. Back to sexy time pictures from Paulina! Weeeee!
You know what I hate?! Roberto Luongo has turned me into a non Bobby-Lu-Believer. Man, I was totally on the Luongo train. I have been since he was traded to Vancouver. But the inconsistency in his game lately makes me pull my hair out. I know he’s capable of big game wins. We saw him put up two shutouts in the Stanley Cup Final. But for every big game performance, there are an alarming number of head scratching performances. And why does he HAVE to let in one bad goal per game? And why does he do it with such alarming regularity!? I’m not out of the Luongo park but, man oh man, I’ve got one hand on the fence now. C’mon Bobby Lu. Do me a favour. Get me back in the middle of Luongo Park, away from the fence.
You know what I hate?! Icing the kicker in football! What a stupid play! Aaaaand what’s even stupider!? Icing YOUR OWN KICKER!!!! HAHAHAH JASON GARRETT IS AN IDIOT!! With a chance to win the game in the dying seconds yesterday, the Dallas Cowboys line up to kick what would have been the game-winning field goal. The kicker nailed it, it’s good… BUT WAIT. His own idiot coach called a f@#king time-out! So the kick’s no good. They line up again, the kick comes up short, so they have to go to overtime WHERE THEY LOSE THE GAME. What a fool. You deserve what you got, pal. That’s icing-the-kicker karma coming back to bite you in the ass.
You know what I hate?! Those stupid reindeer antlers and red noses that people are sticking on their cars!! GAAAAHHHHHH! First of all, anything other than a subtle decal stuck to your car is overboard. Bumper stickers? Ridiculous. Car flags? Hate ’em. Rip ’em down. But this trend of antlers and noses is a scourge on our roads right now. They’re a menace. If you have them on your car, I WILL JUDGE YOU AS THE STUPID SUB-HUMAN THAT YOU ARE.