Questions from a Stanchion




Are people really getting upset over the Tampa Bay-Philadelphia game?

 I would save that anger and wait to see if this happens all year. But a couple of things to keep in mind. First, as a one off, that game was freaking hilarious. I have never found boring hockey to be so excitingly awesome. Watching the Flyers bench chirp at the Lightning bench was an amazing moment. Two, it happened against Chris Pronger’s team. Anytime something happens that pisses off Chris Pronger, this is a good thing.  Always. Third, the Lightning have Dwayne Roloson in net. If you had Dwayne Roloson in net, you would do everything in your power to make sure no shots got on net. None.


Is Keith Ballard going to start sitting in the press box again?

If KB4 ends up in the press box, this is going to get really awkward. I have no doubt Keith would handle it like a man, he has been a complete professional this entire time, but to have $4.2 million rotting away in the press box? That is just awful cap management. Not only does it hurt our cap, but Keith looks worse and worse sitting in the press box, killing off what little trade value he has left. We need to move Keith, or play Keith. Otherwise how else are we going to offer Sundin $10 million in the off-season?? Who am I kidding, that $10 million is ear marked for Rome.


Anyone remember Anson Carter?

Smooth move buddy.


Can Columbus beat the Washington Capitals for the worst season of all time?

No, they can’t. Why? Because those Capitals went 8-67-5 for a grand total of 21 points, and a goal differential of -265. They had 446 goals scored against them. 446 goals. The Wasington Capitals are what keeps the Vancouver Grizzlies from looking god awful, and maintains them at kind of god awful. Columbus already has 2 wins, so they are at least on pace to surpass 8 wins. Sometimes I wonder what keeps Rick Nash going. Then I remember the millions and millions of dollars he makes.


How are the Penguins number one in the East right now?

This isn’t fair. They don’t even have Crosby. Malkin gets injured a lot. This shouldn’t be happening. I blame James Neal. I never like the cut of his jib, and I like it even less so now. The Penguins have already won some cups. It’s time they fold the franchise and let other people have a turn. Don’t be selfish Pittsburgh!


What do we do when Raymond comes back?

Are we prepared for all of the lame TSN titles and jokes that are going to be made? Think of all the variations of “Everyone Loves Raymond” jokes we are going to hear. Think of all the terrible “back” jokes we are going to hear.  Raymond, for the love of all that is holy, please, change your last name to something you can’t make a pun out of. Like Napkin. There we go. Mason Napkin. Excellent.

If Darcy Hordichuk retired today, would anbody notice?



Can we make fun of Ryan Miller yet?

God I sure hope so. Roberto Luongo sneezes and people jump all over him for blowing his snot into the slot (You’ve got to cover that up Roberto!), while Miller can pretty much go through cold streaks and everyone just shrugs. Miller should be able to have cold streaks. As should Luongo. I just think if we’re going to attack Roberto that we should be able to attack Miller too. Because let’s face it, he let in that Crosby goal, and that alone is worth mentioning any chance we can. Hey, remember when Crosby scored five hole on Miller to win gold? Good times.


Are the Canucks really going to keep Hansen with the Twins as long as Burrows is out?

This scares me. I know we beat Chicago, but I don’t want Hansen on the top line. I like Hansen. I think he is a great kid. But his hands resemble those of a young Steve Bernier. I don’t want him near our scoring line. I understand the appeal of using his hard work down low to retrieve the puck to go with the Twins, but I’d rather have a smart player with the Twins, than a scrappy no hands player. I would suggest Cody get a shot, but I know AV will probably hunt me down and kill me for that. Hopefully Burrows is back soon.


Are we ever going to see an end to the “Fire Vigneault” threads?

Because it ain’t happening. Gillis repeatedly comes out to support his guy. AV is going no where. Unless the Canucks go winless for the rest of the season (In which case I am almost positive this would be blamed on Keith Ballard), AV is going to have another couple years here, in my opinion. The most would can hope for is a token firing to help appease the masses. So Billy, the host for section 323 in Rogers Arena? Yeah, you’re fired after the next Canucks loss.


Is Alex Edler going to lead defenseman in points this year?

Who knows, but he is off to a great start, a much better one offensively than I thought he would have.  Though looking at the top scoring defenseman right now is kind of crazy. MA Bergeron leads the way, followed by Edler, Karlsson, Souray, Letang, and Campbell. Some names from the past appear on that list surprisngly. I am pretty sure if MA Bergeron wins the d-man scoring title I might have to cry myself to sleep, though. Some guy who picked him last round in his pool is laughing right now.


Does anybody care about the NHL All-Star game?

Every year I think to myself “Oh man, this will be fun.” Then I watch half the game and fall asleep. It’s pretty much for the kids at this point, and I realize that, but I will always wish for a universe where last years Stanley Cup Champions have to face off against the rest of the league. Just watching everyone in the league trying to cripple the Bruins would make for some amazing TV.