As you all know, I have entered the #replacethekb contest for the Province, in an attempt to give myself the validation I never received as a child. You thought my finger paintings looked forced and lacked substance? Well I’ll show you Mrs. Henderson! I’LL SHOW YOU….. Sorry…..
Anyways, many of you are probably still debating why I should be chosen to replace the Kurtenbloggers at the Province, and I understand that. It’s hard to put your faith in a stranger like this. So the only thing I can do, is keep giving you more and more reasons as to why you should choose me until you are convinced I probably should be nominated as president of the AV club as well. So for the first entry of the day, I used my connections, and I managed to get a preview of an upcoming documentary they are planning on releasing for Jonathan Toews this Christmas. I know, I know, the world needs more Toews, right? Exactly. So I am sure you will be pleasantly excited to see what Hollywood has in store for Mr. Toews. Enjoy!
PS: After the movie, please see a list of 10 people that made my life better today (ie I had a shameless plug where I said the first 10 people to respond to me on twitter would get a shoutout.). I wouldn’t be where I am today, without them. And where I am is in my boxers, on my computer, and not at work. Yes, I am living the dream today.
Jonathan Toews: Captain Serious. THE MOVIE.
@JasonMcBurney Always a shy kind of guy, he at first refused to have me recognize his contributions to my campaign. But I wouldn’t take no for an answer, and after several baseball bat swings to the legs, he happily agreed to this shoutout.
@sairahbilly has never been one to openly voice her displeasure at entering any of my contests. Likening my contests to a day in Paris where no one wears deodorant, I have nonetheless given her a shoutout because I feel that this is the only way to start the healing process.
@a3minuterecord has one condition to having a shoutout thrown her way. That I be "nice". This is of course a foreign concept to me so I had to google Dr. Phil and he tells me that I should say "You do not have any father issues. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do. And you have pretty hair." I hope that worked!
@AlyssaKupila is a self proclaimed "awesome"-ite, which is a pretty nice thing to have in your corner. When I hang out with her we often get free beers due to her awesome powers. We of course have to pay for these beers, but in imagination land, they’re free.
@DCanuckgurl says she wants a shoutout "only if you’re going to assist Juice for another goal to help him get back on track :)". Well I would love to, but Juice never returns my calls. Or answers my texts. Or e-mails. WHY DOESN’T HE LOVE ME ANYMORE??
@I_Need_Minions is one of my first followers from back in the day. Playful with wit, angry with grammar, she can often be found in the hills of Switzerland angrily attacking cows that have the audacity to be eating on the job. Currently she is awaiting her first Canuck game of the year by watching over a camp of Chicago Blackhawk prisoners we captured at the border.
@brobeens and I go way back. We were bro fist bumping as children, bro fist bumping as teenagers, and bro bailing each other out of jail that night everything got out of control. We will never bro speak of that bro night again.
@HeyFoxman has an obsession with yellow visors. His goal in life is to one day see Keith Ballard rock a yellow visor. Keith Ballard’s goal in life is to get a goal. I think there is some common ground there…
@LawyerDoug is a smart man. Upon seeing my contest to shoutout to the first 10 people to respond to me on twitter, he claimed "This sounds like a trap….". Which it is. I now fully own the rights to your life story and will be getting Steve Buscemi to play you in the movie. Not due to you looking alike, but because he is really really cheap.
@seattlemalto is one of my Seattle friends. We go way back when we first pretend met at a Vancouver Grizzlies game. He called the Grizzlies terrible, I said Kemp was a fat waste of talent. He said Big Country was just fat. I said Payton would never win anything. He said the Grizzlies would be out of Vancouver within 10 years. I said the same about the Sonics. After that, there was just a lot of crying.
Those are the 10 shoutouts for this week! Stay tuned for the next chance to get a personalized shoutout!