You Know What I Hate?!

She’s angry and so am I.

Today I continue my weekly feature of me venting and raging on stupid crap happening with the Canucks, their fans and around the NHL. Two things about feature… 1) It will appear (hopefully) every Monday, and 2) It is blatantly ripped off from a stand-up bit from comedian Craig Anton. On either point, I make no apologies. Enjoy. Or don’t.

In this week’s debut, I spew venom on Mark Lee, Philadelphia Flyers fans and ignoring obvious evidence.

You know what I hate?! The broadcasting tandem of Mark Lee and Kevin Weekes. Individually they are both terrible. Together they are a shambolic mess of embarrassment. (And yes, I know that Lee and Weekes were on separate assignments this week. That doesn’t mean I don’t think they aren’t the worst thing in hockey broadcasting right now. Maybe ever.) Once again, Lee proved how supremely awful he is at his play-by-play job this weekend during the Canucks/Oilers broadcast with his unrelenting slurpfest of Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Now I get it. RNH is really, really, good and I’m not denying that. But Jeepers H. Crackers, shut up about it already, Mark! Every spare moment that Lee had during his broadcast (which wasn’t much, because he won’t SHUT UP), he spent kissing the Nuge’s ass up and down the ice. That said, Lee wasn’t alone. The ENTIRE CBC broadcast team, from Scott Oake during intermissions to the desk crew, was batting dreamy eyes at RNH. All this for a kid who only scored two goals. Which leads me to…

You know what I hate?! Getting a goal WRONG. Listen, RNH is obviously the second coming of Gretzky (at least according to Ron MacLean and the CBC crew) but he didn’t score that third goal for Edmonton against the Canucks Saturday night. And the video evidence showed that. Not only did Taylor Hall redirect the puck off the shaft of his stick originally, but Hall touched the puck again as it crosses the line. This isn’t to take anything away from Nugent-Hopkins’ landing-on-the-moon-esque night of utter hockey heroics and sheer life-altering plays on the ice, but if this comes back to haunt Hall in the pocket book, then the NHL has some ‘splaining to do. As was indicated on Twitter (Sorry, I can’t find who originally brought this up, but it wasn’t me), but if Taylor Hall has goal-scoring bonuses built into his contract and he falls one goal short, this goal will live further in infamy.

You know what I hate?! Philadelphia sports fans! Now, it’s widely accepted that Canucks fans at large are the worst in hockey. (Embrace the hate, folks!) But that’s usually considered outside the sports venue. In the arena, at game time, while the game is being played, there is no group of fans worse that those in Philadelphia. They BOOED Santa Claus! They booed THE FIGHT AGAINST CANCER!! And when Mike Richards, now with the LA Kings, came back to play in Philadelphia against the Flyers, they gave him a standing ovation… and then booed him whenever he touched the puck for the REST OF THE GAME. Wow. First, he didn’t ask to be traded. He was traded by the team against his wishes. He also captained the team to the Stanley Cup Final only 16 months ago! There were signs in the crowd that read "Always in our hearts!" AND THEN YOU BOOED HIM ON EVERY SHIFT!!??! Philly fans – YOU ARE THE WORST.

You know what I hate?! How everyone is so enamored with the Winnipeg Jets that they have forgotten (or are completely ignoring) how terrible they are. THEY ARE THE THRASHERS, PEOPLE!! I am painfully aware of the fact that Winnipeggers are crazy, mental happy to have an NHL team back in their city. But your team is goddamn awful. They finished 12th in the East last season, only 4 wins better than both bottom feeders, the Islanders and the Panthers. And the Jets haven’t done a thing to their lineup to get any better. Oh wait, they added Tanner Glass. Problem solved.

You know what I hate?! Idiot protestors in Downtown Vancouver! If you interviewed 20 people over the weekend as they attempted to Occupy Vancouver, I bet 19 of them would have no idea why they were there. In fact, a story on the news last night on Global BC on Occupy Vancouver featured an interview with one of the Occupiers saying that they had to have several "meetings" while on site in front of Vancouver Art Gallery, in order to clarify WHY THEY WERE THERE TO PROTEST!!! And shockingly the first couple of meetings were confusing and nobody agreed on ANYTHING!!! Hahaha, "I’m gonna go protest in Vancouver!" "What about?" "I have no idea! But I’m angry!" "About what?" "Again, I have no idea! GRRRRRR!" In case you wondering, THIS is exactly why Vancouver is a laughing stock amongst people who actually care about real issues and have real reasons to protest and become political activists.

  • You’re totally missing the point on the Occupy protests. The fact you don’t get what people are angry about is a little sad. In case you’ve been living under a rock, this is a global movement and has nothing to do with being from Vancouver.

    Don’t disagree with your hockey related points but maybe you should stick to posting on something you know anything about?

    • No no no. I think YOU missed the point. I absolutely understand the Occupy movement. Protests in New York, Rome (violence notwithstanding) and elsewhere around the globe have had impact. They’ve been organized, the message has been clear and protestors are united on a single cause.

      Here in Vancouver, it’s a bunch of professional deadbeats with no message, cause, or understanding of WHY they’re protesting. They just showed up in tents to veg out. It was embarrassing.

  • It was Dellow who made the 20-goal bonuses comment.

    And I went down to the Art Gallery to check out the scene on Sunday. It’s all very friendly, there’s an honesty and earnestness to it. They aren’t really bothering anybody so let them say their piece and we’ll see what happens. As you remind us, there are real issues out there, we definitely need to be talking about them as much as we are talking about people *talking about talking*. Getting worked up about these guys isn’t really worth your hate! Keep it on the Nuge!

  • Marda Miller

    I like this feature. I look forward to seeing more of it. We Canucks fans need some place to vent our rage.
    And I agree with you about the protesters … It’s great that so many people got together to take a stand (and that it was kept peaceful) but without clear, defined goals, change cannot occur. I was following the live feeds and the messages were all over the board and not very unified. It made it confusing.

    Though I have to say that Mark Lee’s man crush on RNH, made for some very funny tweets on Saturday night.

  • As an Oiler -cough- fan, I’ll admit the RNH gushing was way over the top. But you know what? I’m actually relieved to hear something positive about the Oilers from the CBC after so many years now of putting up with the insipid bootlicking about all things Kesler, Sedin and Luongo etc. 🙂

    The first sign of a team’s improvement in Canada is when the head office at the mothercorp puts out a memo demanding the on air talent fawn over some aspect of your team. It’s the freakin’ CBC. Treat them with all the eye rolls they deserve.

  • “protestors are united on a single cause”

    What is it? I’ve heard the same complaints from the mainstream media about the protests in New York and elsewhere since day 1? “They don’t know what they want.” “They have no clear demands” etc.

    I don’t think the Occupy Vancouver protesters can all be characterized as clueless “professional deadbeats” looking for a place to “veg out”. Like the protesters in other cities, there’s a mix. What they share is the belief that the system is broken and that we need to start recognizing where it’s broken and create a dialogue about what can be done to create a more democratic and just society.

    The one-percent meme is a good one because it says let’s stop clinging to our delusions that those below us(the deadbeats, the unemployed, the homeless) are the ones stopping real change. Time to get over our smug feelings of superiority about those less fortunate than us and look upwards at who is actually benefiting from rising inequality.