40 Year Old Virgins

HOLLYWOOD - AUGUST 11:  Actor/writer/executive producer Steve Carell arrives at the premiere of Universal Studios 'The 40 Year-Old Virgin' at Arclight Hollywood on August 11, 2005 in Hollywood, California.  (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

While knocking back a few with fellow Canucks Army writer, Kristian Urstad,  the topic of discussion ironically (if I were to use ironically in the completely  wrong way) ended up on the Canucks and their prospects for the upcoming season. So, we’re chugging along, dissecting line possibilities, potential cuts and he hits me with this-

"With this line up, it would be a disappointment if the Canucks didn’t win 2 or 3 Stanley Cups." (Now that might me more paraphrasing than actual quoting, but, Kristian,  if you feel like suing, just remember I have no money).

Now, for a bit of background, this is a guy who has a Philosophy PHD in his back pocket, which for some reason leads him to believe that wearing the correct coloured socks, or sitting in your favourite chair  has no impact on whether or not the Canucks win. I suppose kind of logic, rational thought must count for something, but then again, he had about 8 or so beers in his belly when he made his bold prediction, so maybe, it’s grains of salt all the way around.

For me, with many more beers in an ironically much bigger belly (beer makes you skinnier, right?),  I had no desire to hear any kind of talk of multiple Championships. Hell, this year, the Canucks officially became the 40 year old virgins, and it makes my stomach turn and head twist to even contemplate multiples before we’ve even knocked one out of the park. Steve Carell wasn’t  planning for threesomes and orgies before his first time, and as my great grandfather from the old country always said, "Support your team as if you were a character from a Steve Carell movie, and eat your vegetables".

The Canucks are 40. They are virgins, We are all Canucks. We are all virgins. The Oilers, on the other hand,  were the high school jock, scoring all the time before they had to enter the real world. It’s been all down hill since then, but those memories. Even the Flames got theirs in what I would call their college years, since they had to wait until the high school jock lost a bit of his steam. So close, so often, but at least they’ve put one up on the board. And don’t get me started on the Montreal Canadiens, the NHL’s answer to Hugh Hefner. So please, let’s just get one because a 40 year old virgin can at least be played for laughs, but 50…..