Graphical Guide to NHL Free Agency

Graphic Comments
July 03 2012 02:46PM

Graphical guide to NHL free agency

That's pretty much all you need to know right there. The freer you are, the more expensive you become. Just ask Ryan Suter or Zach Parise.

And just how expensive is Zach Parise now? Well, it's gotten to the point where it's no longer about the money:

 It really isn't about the money. Any more.

As in all walks of life, money is only a concern to those that don't have any. So don't be crass and question's Zach's statement that he'll be making his decision on factors other than money. He's being quite sincere.

As a side note, there is a strong possibility that Parise and Suter will wind up on the same team. We've uncovered some video evidence of the two of them at luncheon.

Food also played a role in another free agent signing over the weekend. Yes, lost in the Free Agent frenzy* mild hubbub, were the huge implications from Olli Jokinen signing in Winnipeg:

*Sports networks and professional commentators keep using this word. I don't think it means what they think it means.

Olli Jokinen will have a monster year

I'm sure you all remember that while in the midst of a slump early this year, Jokinen received a call from Wayne Gretzky telling him to just go out and eat a cheeseburger. Well, Olli did one better and went for the Big Mac and lo and behold, scored a hat trick! Well, what you probably didn't know, is that Winnipeg is one of McDonald's test markets for new product offerings. They test new McWhatevers in Winnipeg before rolling them out across the rest of its North American restaurants.

So if Jokinen scored a hat trick after a plain old Big Mac, just wait and see what he does after getting his hands on the new McBacon Supremo Grande. I predict a monster year for Jokinen in the 'peg. You heard it here first. Draft him as early as you can in your hockey pools this year. You will not be disappointed.

Finally, since this is the Canucks Army blog, I would be remiss if I did not mention YOOUUUUR Van-couver CANUCKS! There wasn't much activity on the part of the Canucks' front office, at least not announceable activity. And enough has been written about what activity there was.

But that's not why you're here. You're looking for the insight that you won't find in any of @ThomasDrance's 285 posts from the weekend. So here's my take on Mike Gillis' performance over the weekend, based solely on Twitter:

Suddenly, the tide turned

 BOOM!

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I'm not a hippie or on welfare. I don't live in Kits, wear Birkenstocks or own an umbrella. I've never been to the Capilano Suspension Bridge, but I'm sure it's very nice. I have a mayor, not a crack addict. I drink pale ale, not Blue. And I call it a cabin, not a cottage. I can proudly say my team's been to the Stanley Cup Final in the last 45 years. They may not have won, but at least they got there. I believe in sunshine, not haze; heat, not humidity. And that sushi is a healthy and tasty meal. A coho is a fish. A ski hill is a mountain. And the plural of leaf is leaves. Okay? Not leafs. Leaves! Vancouver is the country's third-largest city, certainly the most beautiful, and the best part of Canada! My name is petbugs and I am a Canucks fan! ... You can find me on Twitter @petbugs13 or send your hate mail to petbugs (at) gmail (dot) com but it better be funny or it's getting plonked.
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#1 biznow
July 03 2012, 03:16PM
Trash it!
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It all becomes so clear when you put it into such stunning graphics. That was the best waste of time I've read in awhile. Is there any graphic that shows the expected decline in Jokinens play based on the number of Micky's burgers eaten? What happens if the McRib is re-introduced?

I noticed that you spelled "career" wrong in the 3rd graphic. Must have been a software problem, better have tech support iron that out.

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#3 biznow
July 03 2012, 07:46PM
Trash it!
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@Graphic Comments

Let's all find Ms. Dando on twitter and berate her with double letter insults like sleezebag, asshat, buttmunch,and Bolland.

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