The Canucks May not be Canada's Team, but They're God's Team

Trevor Presiloski
April 12 2012 03:45PM


Honestly, Willie Mitchell should be playing the role of Judas here.
(Image care of busycatholic.blogspot.com)

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men."

So I totally understand people like Robert Tychowski, asking who "sholld" Canadian hockey root for this postseason (and inevitably answer that, however it is, it shouldn't be the Canucks, because the Canucks aren't Canada's team).

That's fine, because the Canucks are God's team.

I'm not religious, have never been to church and most likely never will. However, it's hard to argue with the evidence that is right in front of you. The Canucks, clearly, are the anointed ones and the rest of the NHL needs to suck it up and deal with it.

Need proof? Read on.

1) The Canucks are a wholesome team, full of quality, upstanding individuals with solid family values

This is a pretty solid fact. By virtue of playing in Canada and being Canada's team, we know that the Canucks are of solid moral fibre and impeccable character, and are basically unimpeachable by the rest of the world. It's sort of like having an army of Tim Tebows at your disposal - only the Canucks are better.

Here is a clip of Kesler and Burrows being upstanding family-men, making small talk about David Backes and his lovely wife:

There are also rumours swirling around that Alex Burrows, perennial Byng candidate and the most beloved NHL player per a poll conducted recently, was showing an undue amount of concern for one of his opponents on Wednesday night, as he tried to get Richards to open up about a possible substance abuse problem. As many know, a number of substance abuse programs have roots in Christian teachings and for Burrows to show so much compassion, love and concern for his opponent is inspiring and humbling.

Doing Christ's work, it's hard to imagine why God would disapprove of the Canucks.

2) 40 years

40 years is a significant number for Judeo-Christians and for Canuck fans. The Jews wandered 40 years in the desert before finding the promised land. The Canucks? They've wandered the deserts of futility in the NHL for 40 years and now It Is Time.

There could also be allusions made to the Book of Job and how being a fan of the Canucks is akin to putting yourself through torture with an unwavering belief that things will work out well in the end, but, seriously, 40 complete years of suffering?

3) David Booth

David Booth is a devoted Christian and has made no effort to hide or conceal his faith. His arrival in Vancouver coincided with a hockey miracle of sorts: the jettisoning of Marco Sturm, a player who was thought to have been untradeable due to the fact that he was on his last legs. Yet Booth arrived, bringing to Vancouver a set of pearly whites that outshone Mikael Samuelsson's and rivalled those of Mathieu Schneider. Amazingly enough, Booth hasn't received any flak for his personal beliefs. Probably because he doesn't make a scene like a spoiled brat and turn down one of the most powerful men in the world. Just saying.

4) The Canucks actually winning the President's trophy

Seriously. How else can you explain the Columbus Blue Jackets not only beating the St. Louis Blues, but potting FIVE goals on them in the process? Further, how do you explain Brian freaking Holtby only allowing one goal against the New York Rangers, a team that has thoroughly owned the Washington Capitals over the years? No, shut up, Cam. It's divine intervention, is what it is. There is literally no other way to explain it.

Your Lord and saviour, but only if you accept him into your heart. (Source: forum.canucks.com )


5) The power of prayer.

"Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."

Daniel Sedin was clobbered by an errant elbow thrown by Duncan Keith. Out with a concussion, many were worried that this was going to lead to Daniel being 'Crosbyied' and having to consult with chiropractors, shaman and all sorts of other kooky specialists before he got better.

However, all it took was Louie (LOUUUU) Giglio leading a mass prayer at Rogers Arena to make Daniel Sedin all better.

Yup, while his return isn't as imminent as it seemed earlier in the week, Daniel Sedin's miraculous recovery is right around the corner and it's all thanks to the power of prayer. That my friends is indisputable.

Had Crosby not consorted with chiropractors and instead found him a priest, he may have been back sooner.

6) They're playing the Kings.

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

More proof.

David Booth was sidelined by Mike Richards with a nasty concussion and was given up on by the Florida Panthers. Richards was not suspended for the hit and avoided being sent to the Hockey Purgatory known as Columbus. Now, though, the Canucks and Kings are set to match up against each other, with Richards having struggled with a concussion of his own.

We've also seen that Booth isn't afraid to throw down. While I don't think Booth harbours any ill will towards Richards for his hit, I'm sure that Booth wouldn't mind sinking the playoff hopes of the Kings, sending Richards to the greens. It's been said that God works in mysterious ways, but there's nothing mysterious about how this whole situation is going to sort itself out.

7) The Earthquake

What are floods, earthquakes, meteors, forest fires and the like commonly referred to? Acts of God. They're usually portents, a warning from an angry God. Yesterday, a massive earthquake rocked the Gulf of California. Although Los Angeles wasn't affected (and neither was California, for the most part), the fact is that the earthquake targeted something with California in the name.

Where do the Kings play?

At the Staples Center, in Los Angeles....California.

How conVEEEEEEEEEEEEENient!

Honestly, Darryl Sutter should simply concede this series, before God gets a little more direct with his portents. Do you want a horde of locusts descending on the Los Angeles Expressway? Hollywood agents need to eat, too, but that shouldn't mean the Kings should ignore the more obvious signs that they're dealing with an Unhappy God.

8) Game 1

Some people might view last night's loss as a sign that the Canucks are in trouble. They're already in a hole, having lost in Game 1 (something which they've never done post-lockout until Wednesday night's game) and didn't look too good while losing. I'd disagree.

Here, have let me get all BIBLICAL on you:

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." - Proverbs 16:18

Hopefully the Canucks will be able to go all Old Testament when they meet the Kings for game two on Friday night.

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#1 antro
April 12 2012, 07:08PM
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Hilarious...you've convinced me, and I now believe.

Not to quibble, but I'm pretty sure that the Canucks lost game one to Anaheim the year the Ducks won the cup.

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#2 steelymac
April 12 2012, 08:24PM
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That picture is hilarious!!!I couldnt see Lapierre in the picture but seen as though Louongo looks like he is getting a hand job and the smile on AV's face I guess the cup is blocking him out of the pic.Know wonder he fits in so well in Vancouver.

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#4 Shand
April 13 2012, 01:29AM
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Too obvious, could have got some quality bites if you toned it down.

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#5 Nee
April 13 2012, 03:15PM
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Okay...this was pretty rad. : )

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