#Canucks Week in Tweets - March 28th

John Cullen
March 28 2012 03:23PM

Hey everyone, welcome to "The #Canucks Week in Tweets!" Every week, I plan on bringing you the best of the Canucks on Twitter, from the reasonable to the totally ridiculous (okay, mostly ridiculous)! If you see a tweet you think should be featured here, get in touch with me at @cullenthecomic!

 

 

But elbowing someone in the head isn't classless, nooooooooo not at all. And what about concussions over the last few years in the NHL makes you think that any NHLer would ever want to fake one? Even Dr. Recchi is shaking his head at your ignorance. I don't know how taking another guy's elbow to your head when the puck is nowhere near the play makes someone "classless". If someone punched you, would that make you classless too?

No, that was probably when you called Daniel Sedin "Danielle". Yep, that sewed it up.

More after the jump!

 

 

Oh Jilly. You're on fire this week, aren't you? Usually if you have to convince someone they're not a puck slut...

they're a puck slut. And you're just awesome with the sexism, aren't you? Throwing around "slut", calling a Sedin by a feminine name, Jilly, I think this all adds up. You are the official Canucks Army Doing It Wrong Tweeter of the Week!

Show some respect for yourself.

 

 

Trying to make sense of this idiotic nonsense feels like I'M the one being clubbed in the head. 

Do baby unicorns win Art Ross and Hart Trophies? I'm confused.

 

 

YEAH! PLAY BASEBALL, THE SPORT FOR PUSSIES! YOU PUSSIES! HOW DARE YOU GET BLINDSIDED AND CONCUSSED, YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY! PUSSY!

Can you take an elbow to the head and be totally fine after, Hoki? I doubt it. But you know what? It might help.

 

 

I was going to make fun of this guy, and then I realized he cheers for the Devils, so he would be a total expert on the trap. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE PLAY THE TRAP SON OF A................

 

 

 

Ahhhhh, anti-Luongo tweets. My favorite things in the entire world. Really? Waive Luongo? Is that your solution? Because that would help, for sure. And getting knocked out in the first round? Not going to happen. You can waive goodbye to those dreams.

TURBOPUNS! LUONGO TWEETS! YESSSSSSS!

 

 

Man, really? Valeri Bure tweets about warm weather, and you have to go and rub it in his face that his brother was WAAAAAYYYYYY better than him at hockey, dated girls who were WAAAAAYYYYYY hotter than the one Valeri married, and you invited Pavel to your birthday and not Val?

For shame, sir. For shame. Poor Val. I wonder how many tweets he gets like this every day. Being really, really good at something and having your brother be absolutely ridiculously excellent at it would just suck. That's why I don't have a brother. 

 

 

They don't call it H-E-double hockey sticks for nothing. You absolutely committed a sin, but so long as you didn't commit the sin of getting Lundqvist's name on a Canucks jersey, you're probably alright. That would be unforgivable.

 

 

 

Oh man, that would be totally amazing! "Hi, my name is Chris Higgins. Vancouver is the city me and my abs like to call home. If you destroy that, you destroy these. *lifts shirt* And nobody wants that. So please. Keep the dream alive. One day, you might be able to touch my abs. Let's keep this city, and my abs, safe."

It'd be even better if shirts did an anti-Higgins ad. "Everybody wears us except YOU Higgins! You bastard! We keep people warm, we hide their insecurities, but you just don't care, doooooo you? Your abs aren't allergic to cotton, Higgins. Put one of us on! PLEASE!"

 

 

The Canucks may not have any Cups, but at least they have a chance, Kevin Mo. Judging by your Twitter feed, the dream died for you a long, long, long time ago.

 

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John Cullen lives in the suburbs of Vancouver, but is originally from the suburbs of Toronto. His suburban, whitebread opinions can be found here or at Hockey Now, where he is the Vancouver Giants beat writer. He is a high school English teacher, stand-up comic and once quit hockey for curling. He can be reached at johncullenv [at] gmail.com or on Twitter @cullenthecomic.
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#1 sgolesor
March 29 2012, 09:26AM
Trash it!
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props

I always get really annoyed with the "Canucks haven't won a cup" idiots. Hell, the 2012 Maple Leafs have as much in common with the 1967 Leafs as the 2012 Canucks do with the 1915 Millionaires.

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