Be A Player: Spend your time during the lockout like the pros

Graphic Comments
October 02 2012 06:37PM

No such thing as a free lockout

Admit it: you're starting to get antsy.

It's October and you're starting to notice a gaping hole in your life where hockey used to be. Maybe you're like me and you just spent six hours of your Saturday sitting through 19 rounds of a meaningless hockey pool draft in an act of lockout denial. Sure, it's a 12-team keeper league with 8 protected players, so five of those six hours would be meaningless even if there wasn't a lockout. But I digress.

What I'm trying to say is that you're probably now finding yourself with a bunch of free time, and if you're lucky enough not to be a season ticket holder, maybe even extra money that you normally wouldn't have this time of year. Fear not, in today's Graphic Comments I'll show you how to deal with this just like the professionals.

That's right, it's the Graphic Comments edition of Be A Player. No, not that kind of player. Although as we've covered before, that will get you locked out too. No, there are a variety of ways you can emulate real life NHL players during the lockout:

How to spend the lockout

With all that free time and extra money you're not spending on tickets, you can head over to Europe, just like players on every team except the Canucks. But if you'd rather stick closer to home, the Canucks' players do provide good role models:

  • You can spend your time supporting minor hockey, like Kevin Bieksa and Dan Hamhuis did last week.
  • Or maybe you were inspired by Dan and Sarah Hamhuis' $100,000 donation to Ronald McDonald House. If so, you can take that money you were going to spend on tickets and donate it to charity instead. And if you're one of those people frightened by clowns, don't worry, there are plenty of non-clown related charities out there for you to choose from. Speaking of clowns, don't let Kevin Paul Dupont know I suggested donating money to charity.
  • If you find that nothing is filling that hockey sized hole in your schedule and you really need a fix of NHL hockey, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof, the soon to be dead of exhaustion @TheStanchion is running a one-man fake NHL season over at the Legion of Blog. So you can be like Eddie Lack and join in the fun. Seriously, though, I really am starting to get worried about @TheStanchion's physical and mental health. He's looking more and more like Jack Nicholson in The Shining every new video...
  • Finally, probably the best thing you can do is spend more time with your wife and especially your kids, just like Roberto Luongo. Although, I'm a little concerned about his definition of "toilet training":

So there you have it. An easy to follow guide to spending your free time during the lockout, just like the pros do it.

I know the temptation may be to just slack off and do nothing with all this extra time you have. But remember, idle hands are the devil's tools. Although in the case of New Jersey Devil Krys Barch, he was bound to come out a tool either way after his Twitter meltdown the other night:

 Don't be a tool

You know what I'm going to miss the most during the lockout? Cam Charron being confused by Don Cherry on Coach's Corner every week. Hey Cam, just for old time's sake, here's what Don would have said about Krys Barch this week. Parse this:

FOR ALL YOU KIDS OUT DARE, REMEMBER: DON'T DRINK AND TWEET! THUMBS DOWN!! LET'S GO!!!

So, now you've got some ideas on how to fill your time during the lockout, but the uncertainty is still gnawing at you. Just how long can we expect this lockout to go on, you're asking yourself. Well, rest assured, because Wayne Gretzky is "optimistic" that we'll have hockey by January 1.

Now, while I agree that the most likely return date will be right around Christmas, I hardly call that an optimistic scenario. If anything, that's pretty much the worst possible outcome in terms of return dates. But I guess if you lower your expectations enough, optimism is all relative: 

Just lower your expectations

Hmm, if Wayne applies this same approach, he might still be able to be optimistic about how Paulina Gretzky will turn out.

And whether you're now thinking about Paulina or the CBA, Eliotte Friedman threw a bucket of water cold enough to dampen anyone's "optimism" earlier today. In his latest post, titled "NHL landscape littered with landmines," Friedman provides a pretty bleak assessment of the current state of negotiations and the prospects for getting to a deal. I'm not sure about the landmine metaphor, but this whole mess is definitely about mines:

The NHL minefield

RECENT GRAPHIC COMMENTS

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I'm not a hippie or on welfare. I don't live in Kits, wear Birkenstocks or own an umbrella. I've never been to the Capilano Suspension Bridge, but I'm sure it's very nice. I have a mayor, not a crack addict. I drink pale ale, not Blue. And I call it a cabin, not a cottage. I can proudly say my team's been to the Stanley Cup Final in the last 45 years. They may not have won, but at least they got there. I believe in sunshine, not haze; heat, not humidity. And that sushi is a healthy and tasty meal. A coho is a fish. A ski hill is a mountain. And the plural of leaf is leaves. Okay? Not leafs. Leaves! Vancouver is the country's third-largest city, certainly the most beautiful, and the best part of Canada! My name is petbugs and I am a Canucks fan! ... You can find me on Twitter @petbugs13 or send your hate mail to petbugs (at) gmail (dot) com but it better be funny or it's getting plonked.
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#1 Kent Wilson
October 02 2012, 06:48PM
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It's clear it's time to write a Graphic Comments book.

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#2 puck-bandit
October 02 2012, 09:44PM
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Well; I don't drink, too off the wall as it is, and middle aged but forgot to grow up. A steelhead is a real fish, and I have never been to the Cap. Gee; lived here almost all my life? Been to 2 cup finals, avoided both riots, thank goodness. I played 2 sports, and only luv 1, guess that would be hockey. I've planned a second trip this winter, and not happy about it. I am truly labeled as being hockey simple, cuz I follow the scoop all year. And the rant? Now what does one do when our team is not on the ice? Will conclude with; your site has been far entertaining, if not captivating than the others I follow. You just saved me $175.00 to avoid a little share time, thanks.

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#3 Diehardnuck
October 03 2012, 11:29AM
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All work and no play make Stanch a dull b...Ooo, Paulina Gretzky pics.

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