Embrace The Hate: DOY Troll Post

Thomas Drance
January 06 2012 08:42AM

Editors note: The following is the second entry into our "Embrace the Hate" troll post competition. It's written by Boston Bruins blogger Greg Ezell of DaysofYorr.com. The only thing Greg prefers to his Bruins, is robbing old ladies, but a close third on the list of "things Greg enjoys" is reminding Canucks fans about last June's Stanley Cup Finals loss. If you want to read the first Troll Post entry (by BlackhawkDL's Kelly Reardon), you can do so here. Also we're still taking nominations for the "worst Canucks fan on twitter" category, and submissions for the "in enemy territory" accounts so check out the details and send those our way! Enjoy, and remember not to take this whole thing too seriously:

By Greg Ezell

When I was asked by Thom to write a post for ‘Embrace the Hate’, I accepted fully knowing that my troll talents would come to good use. What he wants me to do is “piss off” the Vancouver Canucks fan base and then said if my entry was good enough, a monetary donation would be made to charity.

Whoa there Thom, settle down, you had my at “piss off the Vancouver Canucks fan base”.

January 7, 2012 is being dubbed as the Stanley Cup “re-match” between the Boston Bruins and the Vancouver Canucks, although it can hardly be called a re-match because there isn’t anything up for grabs. If the Vancouver Canucks come into the TD Garden and blow the roof off the joint, what do they actually win?

A hockey game.

That’s it.

Now, I’m sure that Canucks Nation, or whatever the hell you people call yourselves, will use that as an opportunity to chirp me and the other Bruins fans out there, but the ultimate chirp still hangs from the TD Garden rafters. That golden 2011 Stanley Cup Champions banner will always be the ultimate chirp and a sudden reminder that the only thing worthy of being hung in the Rogers Centre is a few Northwest Division Championship banners, a Western Conference championship banner and a picture of Ryan Kessler crying at the NHL Awards with the President’s Trophy photoshopped next to him to make him look like he’s appreciative of that stupid thing.

Think about what the 2010-2011 season was for the Vancouver Canucks for a minute. 117 points with the second place team coming in at 107, 10 points less than the Canucks. 54 wins, again best in the league. A goal differencial of +77, once more tops in the NHL. Henrik Sedin, 5th in the NHL in total points with 94 total points and first in the NHL in assists with 75.

Enter: 2011 Stanley Cup playoffs.

The Canucks entered the first round with a hated rival in the form of the Chicago Blackhawks. The Canucks disposed of them in 7 games, then easily took down the Nashville Predators in 6 games. Finally, one team stood in their way of the Stanley Cup Finals, the San Jose Sharks. Vancouver never took their eye off of the prize and put away the Sharks in 5 games and were headed to their first Stanley Cup Final since 1994.

17 years. 17 long, arduous years since the Vancouver Canucks could take a sniff of the Stanley Cup and they were there again. Last time they were in the Finals they lost a team of destiny (also an American team) known as the New York Rangers.

Seven games. Seven games in which the Rangers took the heart and soul of the Vancouver Canucks and curb stomped it.

2011. This was supposed to be the Canucks year, or so I was told. First in the NHL in almost every statistical category. Most points. Most wins. Most goals scored per game. Best goals scored against. Best power play in the NHL.

This was their year....to fail once again.

Let’s be honest with ourselves here for a moment. If you want to fit the Vancouver Canucks’ 2011 Stanley Cup Finals in to one scene, just look at the minute 5’9” Brad Marchand was feeding 6’2” Henrik Sedin a buffet of punches and Sedin just stood there, taking it like a punching bag.

That’s all you really need to know about the Vancouver Canucks. They just took it.

The punches? They took them. The hits? They took them. The suspensions? They took them. The losses? They took them (and badly). The Stanley Cup? They watched it get passed around from Boston player to Boston player on their own ice.

And what did the Vancouver Canucks fan base do in light of this loss? They set their city on fire, threw trash cans through store window fronts and took pictures of couples smooching in the street.

There’s a term I like to say when something like this happens: “Act like you’ve been there before,” and for Vancouver you have been there before. In fact, the 2011 Stanley Cup Final marks the third time in a short 41 years that you’ve lost the chance to be named Stanley Cup Champions and the second time it took 7 games to blow it.

41 years.

The Bruins went 39 years since winning their last Stanley Cup, but at least they won. Sure, they don’t have 24 like the Montreal Canadiens, but at this point they have 6 more than you do. We have 6 more than you do.

So my biggest problem with the Vancouver Canucks fan base has to be this sense of entitlement. You know what I’m talking aboot. When Vancouver made it to the Stanley Cup Finals, the Days of Y’Orr comments page was riddled with Canucks fans saying how the Canuck would win in 4, 5 or 6 because the Bruins “aren’t very good”.

Oh my how the tables have turned. It took seven games, a finger being bitten, a midget punching a ginger, the best goaltender in the world (you know that guy right? He’s a two time Vezina Trophy winner, Conn Smyth Trophy Winner and a Stanley Cup Champion and isn’t signed in a certain city for another 11 years or so) flattening the other ginger and then flattening out a pest in Alex Burrows, and a short handed goal by Patrice Bergeron to show who was the actual champions.

And what happened to all those Vancouver fans who said Boston wasn’t a challenge? They complained that the Bruins are goons.

It’s funny how easy it is to rile up the people in Seattle North. Thom likes to call Days of Y’Orr his favorite Canucks blog (probably outside of his own, of course) but that’s because it’s so easy to hate on the Canucks and their fans.

When Milan Lucic boom-bashed Ryan Miller into a fake concussion and didn’t get suspended, who cried about it? Yup. Vancouver. A fan base in another conference who had nothing to do with the incident at hand.

Typical Boston. They get away with everything. They’re goons!

Then Dave Bolland comes out and calls the Sedin brothers “girls”, something that Days of Y’Orr was doing when the Finals started and the boohoochoo train left Vancouver station for Pansyville.

That's unimaginative!

Apologies. I'm sure the Bruins or Blackhawks would be more imaginative if they wore green suites and ripped off a TV show. Oh, you have no idea what I'm talking about? Your beloved Green Men! Lets face it, there's nothing worse then ripping off "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" and then trying to pass it off as your own. What's even worse is that the Green Men were "hyped" about "what they were going to do to Boston" if one of the Bruins took a penalty and then they pulled this off:

Oh no! A lifesize cutout of Ben Affleck wearing a Vancouver Canucks jersey. First off, Chris Kelly is a native of Ottawa so I'm sure he doesn't give a shit about Ben Affleck or his affiliation with the city of Boston. Secondly, most of Boston doesn't care about Affleck either. The poor attempt by the Green Men to "burn" the city of Boston was just that, poor. It's time for those guys to give up the schtick because it's not useful or funny.

Back to Bolland: Alex Burrows, of all people, calls Dave Boland “an embarrassment to the game.”

What?

While most of you wearing your navy blue and sea foam green uniforms were too busy calling Burrows a hero and sucking on each other’s index finger in celebration, you clearly forgot that Alex Burrows is one of the biggest goons in the NHL...who fucking bit someone!

It’s amazing how this happens in Vancouver. First they burn the city down and then they go on to proclaim Alex Burrows a hero while calling 30 goal scorer Milan Lucic a goon. I just don’t get the rational behind this.

So remember folks, if the Canucks do beat the Bruins on January 7th, it’s nothing more than two points and if you need a reminder about who the real winner in all of this is, well here you go:

How you like dem apples?

 

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Thomas Drance lives in Toronto, eats spicy food and writes about hockey. He is an NHL News Editor at theScore, the ex-managing editor of CanucksArmy.com and an opinionated blowhard to boot. You can follow him on twitter @thomasdrance.
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#1 petbugs13
January 06 2012, 10:22AM
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Yawn.

Seriously, I was expecting much better. This was boring.

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#2 Higgins
January 06 2012, 10:58AM
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Well Done!!!!!

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#3 John Andress
January 06 2012, 11:15AM
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Thank you. An amusing piece of mediocre writing. Yes, the Bruins do have 6 Stanley Cups but 5 of them were won when there were far fewer teams competing for them. One chance in six is far better than one chance in thirty. If you had learned anything from going into the SCF last year as underdogs it should have been "that is why they play the games". Let's talk again in June when whatever you say has a remote chance of meaning something.

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#4 antro
January 06 2012, 11:21AM
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Not bad, not bad...I kinda feel you were holding back though. Nothing really pissed me off. Just not quite there.

I mean, it must be great to have Stanley Cup banners hanging in the rafters, and I respect Bergeron, Chara (grudgingly), Thomas (major hate for Lucic though), but do Bostonians just not love hockey? I mean, I happened to be in Boston near the Gardens for game 6, hoping to soak up the atmosphere, even if it was in the other city. After a few bars filled with fans, there wasn't really anything going on in the city. No buzz, or vibe, or, you know, 100,000 fans in the streets watching the game on giant screens. Kinda disappointing really.

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#5 Cam Charron
January 06 2012, 11:27AM
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Without the Boston Bruins, we wouldn't have Coach's Corner.

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#6 Jac
January 06 2012, 12:34PM
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Ok I'm Canadian and a huge Bruins fan and lived in vancouver for 12 years. But let's not forget a lot of the Bruins are Canadian so make sure you insult the Canucks and not Canadians.... Oh and btw 100,000 fans watching on a giant TV hardly counts as a vibe, from my experience a small gathering of vancouvers homeless - hey it's awesome living in the best place in the ENTIRE world!

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#7 Wayne
January 06 2012, 01:05PM
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Bruins rule. The Canucks are turtling again. Luongo will not play. Canucks fans keep your team at home so your not beat bad like the flames. LOL. Kiss our rings. City of champs...

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#8 Jess
January 06 2012, 02:48PM
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Maybe as a Canucks fan I'm so used to being barraged with this stuff that I'm desensitized to it now, but this troll post didn't raise my blood pressure in the least.

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#9 Cam Davie
January 06 2012, 02:58PM
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Jess wrote:

Maybe as a Canucks fan I'm so used to being barraged with this stuff that I'm desensitized to it now, but this troll post didn't raise my blood pressure in the least.

Jess ... YOU HAVE PASSED. You have proven to yourself that you are truly prepared to EMBRACE THE HATE.

...

I don't have a certificate or anything... so.. how about an uncomfortable pat on the back?

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#10 taokenji
January 06 2012, 04:24PM
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if being a 30 goal scorer makes lucic not a goon, then you can't say burrows is one either...

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#11 Natta
January 06 2012, 07:22PM
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The problem I see with this post's trollish-ness is: the dude is right. We still lost the Finals, and face-planted as a city too. Boston was really good in the series. I agree with many of the things he said.

However, props for using the time honoured troll approach of generalizing an entire fanbase. Good plan for a troll post.

The thing is, that series (and aftermath) is such a god-awful memory that I've become immune to trolling. I can't feel any worse about that loss than I already do.

I also can't change the fact that I'm hopelessly infected with blue and green disease : ) 41 years of futility!

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