This Week in Canucks Tweets

John Cullen
January 26 2012 11:53AM

Hey everyone, welcome to the newest feature at Canucks Army, This week in Canucks tweets! Every week, I plan on bringing you the best of the Canucks on Twitter, from the reasonable to the totally ridiculous! (okay, mostly ridiculous) If you see a tweet you think should be featured here, get in touch with me @cullenthecomic!

Congratulations on your womanhood, Meg! If going to a Canucks game is what makes you a woman, then that explains what happened to Thomas Drance that one time...

Oh, don’t worry “ChiNativeSon”, you are still dirty. Just like the horse you rode in on and that creep-o Bolland. It’s good to know that all Chicago natives are dimwitted, it makes ME personally feel so much better about hating all of you.

That’s very sweet “Ad”, what an excellent gift from your lady. Perhaps in exchange, you should get her a watch? You should always be happy when there are multiple periods. As will the remainder of the world.

Is anyone surprised that this is what passes for Shakespeare in Alberta? Me neither. I can’t remember the Bard using the phrase “RopeADope”, though it appears by searching “Canucks” on Twitter, I have done just that. (see what I did there? I’m here all week, folks.)

So apparently there are people who create fake Twitter accounts for actors, who are rumored to be dating in real life, then they tweet at each other like they’re dating...I don’t know. Cory Monteith is from Vancouver, which is presumably why this sort of thing exists, though it doesn’t make it any less frightening.

Okay, that's more frightening. It's more frightening than Dave Pratt in a gimp mask.

I think threatening to send your 8 year-old child to another section so you can enjoy the game without them is completely reasonable, and tweeting it publicly is even better. Realistically, the kid probably just recognizes that he wants to be a first overall pick and he has the best chance to do that during Tambellini’s 5th contract extension and the Oilers’ 4th consecutive rebuild in 2021, so good on the kid for his ingenuity. Taylor Hall will be entering his “Ryan Smyth Reunion Tour” phase at that point, might as well be a fan now! #FallaForPalla

Dear Brendan,

You’re doing it wrong.

Your pal,

Cullen

Editors note: Brendan Hoare is a good friend of the blog, and occasional collaborator. But yes, in this case, he's doing it wrong

I don’t really have any words for this, but then again, neither did they. #ehhprblynt

Come on Callum, we both know Brad Marchand isn’t clever enough to put a rap like THAT together.

Seen a Tweet this week you love and want to see in lights next week? Send them to me @cullenthecomic! Would love to hear from you!

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John Cullen lives in the suburbs of Vancouver, but is originally from the suburbs of Toronto. His suburban, whitebread opinions can be found here or at Hockey Now, where he is the Vancouver Giants beat writer. He is a high school English teacher, stand-up comic and once quit hockey for curling. He can be reached at johncullenv [at] gmail.com or on Twitter @cullenthecomic.
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#1 Marda Miller
January 26 2012, 12:22PM
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I am so glad there is comedian writing for this blog. Great post John, your poke at Thomas made me laugh :) I eagerly await future installments of this feature!

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#2 Talia
January 26 2012, 03:20PM
Trash it!
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Hmm this feature looks slightly familiar

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#3 Chris (@lyteforce)
January 26 2012, 03:30PM
Trash it!
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I agree with Talia, definitely looks familiar... ;)

Needs more Tesla & Top Gun references though.

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